What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Do you ever promise yourself that you’re NOT going to do something, then wind up doing it anyway? How a “NO” can get twisted into “YES” is one of the great mysteries of the universe.
After pondering on this conundrum for ten to fifteen seconds, I came up with the following equation, which has been field-tested for accuracy and holds true 99.8% of the time when dealing with grandkids and wives. I call it the Russellean Theorem. No + No + No + No = Yes.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the medieval barber, known for her penchant for purple, is Theodora of Belton Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Remember those haircuts Mom used to give us in the sixties, Perry?”
“Yeah, we were supposed to look like the Beatles. She’d call you Paul and me Ringo.”
“That’s because you had a schnoz big enough to hold the family station wagon.”
“And poor Sis, she got the same haircut, only parted on the side to look like Twiggy.”
“It didn’t help that Mom had poor eyesight and used pinking shears.”
“The kids at school used to laugh and call us Fred and Barney.”
“Maybe that’s why we entered the stoned-age in the seventies.”
“I wonder what became of that bowl?”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Paulie-Fred, the Ditch-Digger,
I suspect “stone-age” is something of a double entendre. Hash(hish)tag pass the bong. BTW I got to see a live performance of Hair back in the early 70’s. What a piece of work is man…no matter what your opinion is, (stoned or straight) it had some great music. And your story…farm out and outta state. I’m sorry, what was the question?
Shalom,
Theodora of Belton W(T)F
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StoneD, Rochelle… 😉
You must be already on the stuff this morn….
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Dear Theodora of Belton W(T)F,
As they say, one thing leads to another. I bet you were quite the Bogart back in the day. Pass the bong? No, no, no, well, maybe. I hadn’t heard “farm out” in a long time.
As Dale said, you must have gotten a hold of the good stuff this morning.
Well, it’s back to the ditch. I heard the invisible box may be buried out there.
Paul-Fred, the Ditch Digger.
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Why bother saying no, if you know it’g gonna wind up yes? Waste of energy, you ask me… Energy better spent doing what you are so sweetly asked to do… 😉
As for the bowl haircuts… Oh Lordy! They were something, weren’t they?
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Just say “No.” At least that’s what I’ve been told. For some reason it doesn’t work about here, but at least it buys me some time.
Bowl haircuts? The only thing worse was a mullet.
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Just say no is for drugs and stuff… not honey-do lists…
And true dat
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There are very few people who can pull off the bowl-cut look…
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Moe Howard comes to mind. If Trump had enough hair, he could wear one. It goes well with a scowl.
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‘Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high’
I guess Mom only had one pair of scissors.
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Yes, they do grow high. And oh, the pretty colors . . .
Mom had another pair of scissor, but she held them back for cutting cloth. “We’re not using my good scissors,” she would say.
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First, I think that if you represent No with the imaginary number i, and Yes with one… your formula would be perfectly valid using multiplication… No*No*No*No=Yes…
Secondly I think my mother used to cut my hair herself as well… but she did it without a bowl…even riskier.
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I love your equation, Bjorn. Four rotations of 90 degrees on an Argand diagram, and you’re facing the right direction!
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You must be a mathmagican. I subscribe to the Jetho Bodine arithmetic – aught + aught = aught.
It’s a wonder I didn’t have serated ears.
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I like your description of the boys looking like Fred and Barney with their bowl haircuts made using the bowl in the photoprompt. The pinking shears wouldn’t have helped much either. A nice, smiley story!
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Thanks Penny. Let me get the station wagon out of Perry’s nose and we’ll go for a spin.
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Yes! No turns into yes despite all attempts to the contrary. Hilarious haircut story! 😀
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Thanks, Morgaine. Those haircuts were all the rage–NOT!
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Oh, perhaps this mother was related to my dad. My sisters and I had bowl haircuts for what seems like centuries. Thank goodness he didn’t use pinking shears. Thanks for the crazy memory.
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It makes for a quick and easy Halloween costume. Put on some robes and go trick-or-treating as monks.
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Good idea!
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You must have seen the back of my head to come up with that title. So is it true that in the seventies a Rolling Stone gathered no Kate Moss?
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Hilarious, Russell. I’ll bet the pinking shears and bowl edge definitely added something, I won’t say what, to those haircuts. 😀 — Suzanne
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It’s the Neanderthal look, I’m told. It’s all the rage. Looks good on women too. Try one today!
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Another hilarious post by Russell. To add to the experience go to the top of the blog and order one or both of Russell’s books.
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Thanks again for the reblog, and giving my books a plug. Sales haven’t been that great. I need all the help I can get. 🙂
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I hope she only used the bowl for your haircuts – sounds like it might have been multi-use, the mind boggles!
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Are you suggesting a sitz bath?
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Yes!
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At least she didn’t use a flower pot and pruning shears! Hil-hairious!
Click to read my FriFic tale
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That might have worked. I believe both boys turned out to be potheads. 🙂
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Pinking shears for hair cuts. Well, at least Mom showed a tiny bit of creativity. Entertaining as always 🙂
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Thank you, Linda. She was creative–I’ll give her that.
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LOL…really enjoyed this one!
The idea of “that bowl” sitting nonchalantly on the counter really did it for me.
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Oh, my. I had a bad bowl haircut in the late eighties, and I don’t know how I ever forgave my mother for it. Cute story!
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Thanks, Cheney. I think we’ve all had a few of those. I’m glad you could relate.
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Ha! Cutting round that bowl would create quite the snazzy hair do! Love the idea all the kids were turned out with the same hair – how they must have loved that! Made me smile Russell
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Thank you, Lynn. Everyone looking alike reminds me of Five Guys Named Moe.
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I imagine having your hair cut with pinking shears must be really painful 😦 Love the voices in this and Fred and Barney being in the stoned-ages. 🙂
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HA HA …. yes, I concur with a great many of the comments above. What more can be said???
A very conversational take ont he photo prompt.
Isadora 😎
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i think the number of nos before the yes tends to decrease as we get older following the law of least resistance. 🙂
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Very clever. And, oddly enough, I gave my mom a bowl very like the one depicted. Luckily, it was after we left the home so she was never tempted to use it for a bowl cut. I had plenty of lopsided bangs due to dull scissors though.
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nice article
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