Russell Gayer, author speaker
In America’s heartland, it’s popular for people to decorate the back of their vehicle with decals depicting stick-versions of the entire family. Evidently, the most prolific family surname is Ass. The given names are as follows; Jack or Wise (Dad); Smart (Mom); Lazy or Dumb (male teenager); Kiss (his younger sister); Stinky (family pet), and Fat (the live-in relative who won’t lift a finger to help).
I’m not sure I want to be acquainted with the Ass family (although, we may be related via my wife’s Cousin Eddie), so I simply respond with my own bumper sticker which reads; “The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.”
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the cat-herder in charge of ramrodding 100-word stories is Wee Rowdy Yates Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
photo copyright – J. Hardy Carroll
April 15thdawned gray and gloomy in Blandville. The town square was devoid of color except for occasional washed-out splotches of pink and blue. There was not a hint of lavender to be found.
Shelley was performing outside the Post Office, hoping to bring a little cheer to the deadline taxpayers. So far, no one appeared interested in her act.
Was it her prosthetic-leg-tip-jar? Or perhaps her black & white mime costume simply blended into the scenery?
Then she noticed two young women. One was walking an invisible dog on a leash.
Damn, where do I get one of those?
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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I loved the attention to detail here. I almost went with a washed-out theme too
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Thanks, Neil. But alas, nothing purple. Fairy Blogmother must be terribly disappointed.
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Hey! Day after my birthday!
And I have to agree with Neil… excellent attention to detail, Sir!
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Happy Day After, Dale.
Here’s an all-expense-paid trip to Blandsville–on me.
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You’re just the best….😋
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I want an invisible dog too. I’m just concerned that picking up his invisible poop could be problematic. Love this crazy Blandville world you invented.
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What’s worse, you might step in it, Eric. Boy, that would be a mess.
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Glorious piece of work Russell 🙂
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You’re too kind, Iain. 🙂
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Two hilarious stories! LOL! 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed them, Morgaine. I hope you don’t have any Ass families living near you.
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Thankfully no! I think your decal would sell very well in many areas!
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maybe she needs to break another leg for good luck. 🙂 .
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Nah, she just needs an invisible dog to keep her company.
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What do you feed an invisible dog? Maybe the dog got mixed up with Dave (from my post)?
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Third dog in the posts this week. I love that! This is very inventive & clever.
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I didn’t realize it was a dog-fest this week. Oh well, I prefer that to cats.
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Me too. 🙂
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This is great! I love that you highlighted some of the other details in the picture. I don’t know about getting an invisible dog though, I hear they’re hard to keep up with *such a laaammmee joke*
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We don’t mind lame jokes here. A groan is better than no laughter.
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Ha ha ha, she just needs to be careful that the invisible dog does not bite her on the Ass!
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Ha, I wonder if they have an automobile decal for that?
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I love how you saw the dog in the picture! It was a true invisible dog!
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the leash was a dead giveaway.
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Absolutely brilliant! I’m going to see nothing but the two girls with the invisible dog every time I look at the photo from now on!
Click to read my FriFic tale
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Good. Keep your eye on it and don’t let it hump your leg.
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Wonderful! It help to have an eye for every detail in these photo prompts!
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There’s always something lurking in the background.
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I didn’t even notice the girls when I looked at the photo. Can’t top an invisible dog so why try? I chuckled out loud when I read your opening story. Very entertaining on both stories!! =)
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Thanks, Brenda.
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LOL…prefect!
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That’s Shelley for you. Always looking for something invisible to add to her collection.
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Great, surreal in the mundane and funny with it, Russell
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Thank you, Michael.
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Invisible dog on a leash – hilarious! 😀
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Sure, you don’t want him to run out in front of a car.
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Right! So which side is he on, the near left corner or the far right?
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On the right. See the leash pointing down in front of the girl’s foot?
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Shelley might have fared better in a PURPLE costume (I’m sure our Friday Fictioneer Godmother would agree). It must be quite a challenge to cheer up the gloomy town of Blandville.
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I’m sure she had on her purple sneakers. She doesn’t leave home without them.
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Dear Jack,
No lavender in the sky? How sad for Shelley. Possible omen? And it was very disturbing when that infernal invisible dog hiked his leg and peed on the prosthetic. People really need to do a better job of training their invisible mutts.
It’s obviously dangerous to tell some people anything. 😉
Slow getting around this week with all the out of town company. It’s all relative.
Back to the herd now. Git Along li’l Tabby! Hie there, Puss in Purple Boots! Move ’em out, Fancy!
Shalom,
Wee Rowdy Yates (go ahead make my day) W(T)F
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Dear Wee Rowdy Yates W(T)F,
Thank you for making this post possible. Without the Post Office anecdote, this would have been a very difficult prompt to write about. Don’t know if this scene will make it into the book or not, but it’s quite possible since the premise for the entire story was conceived at FFF. I wonder how many other books can say that?
Good luck with the rest of the herd.
Jack
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Delightfully wacky and I loved your preamble. Great fun.
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Thanks, Jilly. The pre-ramble is always fun to write.
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Poor Shelley, to be upstaged by an invisible dog. Love how you took the prompt so literally and turned it to fantasy.
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I fear there may be a dog-napping in Shelley’s future. That young lady better keep a close eye on her invisible dog.
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This why she keeps invisible Milkbones in her invisible box.
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You caught me off guard with this line “Was it her prosthetic-leg-tip-jar? Or perhaps her black & white mime costume simply blended into the scenery?” I rather like being surprised by stories. Great piece, as always. 🙂
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Well, I’m glad it caught you off guard. I think it would make a great tip jar.
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Loved the tip jar: very original use of that durn leg!
Yes, very familiar with the stick figure bumper stickers, not a fan.
We seem to go through fads. I remember, too, the metal fish logos that eventually grew legs on the cars of the more Darwinianly-inclined( just making up words at this point.)
I have decided to go with the theme of this post and stick to invisible bumper stickers. 😊 Great fun to read!
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Invisible bumper stickers are a good choice, Andrea. If I wanted stickers all over my car I’d become a professional race driver.
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Fun! So far, I think you and I are the only ones who wrote about the subdued pink and blue colors in the picture. PLUS! You picked up on the ladies in the forefront of the picture who truly could be walking an invisible dog. Kudos
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Technology has made it easy for people to use filters and special effects on photography these days. I like to play with them on my phone, but for most shots it’s hard to beat Black & White.
Shelley recently confessed to me about her mime gig at the P.O. I accused her of stealing bags from the dead letter bin. She would neither confirm nor deny it. You know how mimes are.
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I remember that Doug used to photoshop some of the photo prompts. He put the Loch Ness monster in one, can’t remember the others. He didn’t do it often, but it was a hoot!
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