What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Rise and Whine
School starts back in our area on August 13th. Many of the local stores, such as Walmart, provide a display containing supply lists to assist parents with their back-to-school shopping. For some reason, each child is expected to be equipped with six boxes of facial tissues. I suppose these are to dry the teacher’s eyes when your child drives them to tears.
To mess with the store, I like to call a manager over and tell them I’m looking for the supply list for children who are home schooled. It gets ‘em every time.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the schoolmarm of 100-word stories is Margot Liberty Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – Dale Rogerson
From the moment her first guest checked in, Dale regretted opening an air BNB.
“The bed is so high, I had to use a stepladder,” one visitor whined. “And these chairs—my feet don’t even touch the floor.”
A guest from Scotland criticized her cutlery. “You call this a knife?” he screamed. “A serial killer would wear out his arm trying to crease a marshmallow with this thing.”
Her next client, from Arkansas, wanted to know if she served homemade biscuits and gravy.
Couldn’t they just relax and enjoy the beauty of Montreal?
Who knew Fictioneers would be so picky?
40 Comments on “Rise and Whine”
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What's So Funny? 
I think I guessed each Fictioneer. As a fellow Scot, I’m happy to give advice on a good knife…
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I’m sure Dale will appreciate that. It must have been terribly embarassing to have that other chap yelling at her in front of her other guests.
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Thoroughly enjoyed your story, and loved the last line! Five smiles out of five, Russell!
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Thank you, Penny.
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Funny. Must get my hands on that homeschoolers’ supply list!😊
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and don’t forget to take them shopping for new school clothes. I hope they’re not require to wear uniforms.
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Am I the guest from Scotland? Say I am
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Alas, Neil, I suspect I am the gent with the murderous intent.
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Maybe it’s the wee orange bampot
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Sure, go for it, Neil.
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Dear Bubba-Biscuit-Boy,
Some of us have a fear of heights you know. There should at least be side-rails. At least there is ample room under the bed to hide an invisible box.
Personally I love to go into Walmart and start all the animated toys going at the same time and then walk away. Great fun. Clean up in aisle 5.
Shalom,
Margot Liberty W(T)F
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Dear Margot Liberty W(T)F,
Boy, you’re not letting that invisible box out of your sight for one minute. Poor Dale. There won’t be a Do-Not-Remove tag left in the place after your visit. The good news is all she needs for your breakfast is a couple of boxes of dry, tasteless cereal.
We were at Walmart picking out a birthday gift for a 1 yr. old the other day and Connie had to push all the “Try Me” buttons on the toys. Now I know where she learned that trick.
My ears are still ringing,
Bubba Biscuit Boy
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And why I will NOT open an Air BnB… which I actually considered… 😉
Too funny… keep that knife-wielding Scot away from my kitchen!
And yes… I’ll make you biscuits and gravy 😉
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Thank you, Dale. I knew you would be a kind and generous host.
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Of course… and not just coz I’m Canadian…😘
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Hey, I don’t scream! Screech and shriek maybe, holler sometimes, yell, rant and rave, bellow and even caterwaul on occasion if the knife is dull as a Canuck, but I don’t ever scream.
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A knife as dull as a Canuck?
Now, I hear shrieking, raving, and bellowing all the way from Montreal.
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And perhaps a very sharp knife applied to…
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I would not waste the energy, Russell… There are better ways to spend my time…
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Picking on your fellow fictioneers again I see. Funny stuff, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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I couldn’t help myself, Suzanne. When I saw the photo the story just wrote itself.
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I can understand that. 😀 — Suzanne
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This made me LOL! I can’t imagine strangers staying in my home and then having to listen to them complain. They would be put straight into the invisible box! Double-padlocked! 🙂
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Amen, Sister. That’s no way to treat your hostess.
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Funny but I bet they hear some gripes for real. Loved the knife line. Keep up the good work.
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Thank you, Ellen.
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funny. funny. if anything, dale, it could be worse. 🙂
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Yep, it could ALWAYS be worse.
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A supply list for homeschoolers. Genius 🙂
I never thought of an AirBnB from that height before.
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The bed and chair doesn’t have to be over knee high to be too tall for some people. The little lady in question gets dizzy if she gets more than three feet off the ground.
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That would be me 🙂
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Haha you got me with the visitor from Scotland.
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It probably didn’t take you long to guess which Scot I was referring to. 🙂
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LOL…no it did not.
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Loved it!
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Thanks, Lisa.
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Biscuits and gravy sound lovely – will I be able to get those in Seattle? In my opinion Air BnBs are a perfect business plan as long as you don’t have any guests.
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You’ll probably have to settle for scones & Starbucks in Seattle. Having guests DOES complicate matters.
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I think Dale might need to change her advert on BNB to stop her guests having unrealistic expectations. Great story, love the line about creasing marshmallows.
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Thanks, Sarah. That was a dull knife.
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