Russell Gayer, author speaker
Like millions of other Americans, my name is on 342,751 mailing and telemarketer lists. As a member of this elite group, I’m entitled to thousands of “special offers” not available to the general public.
Since turning sixty-two, my options have been upgraded to include end-of-life opportunities. First comes low-cost life insurance, followed by a pre-paid funeral plan, and if I act now, they’ll throw in a reverse mortgage—turning the entire deal into a package they call the “Moment of Mortality Trifecta.”
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our sponsor who offers a FREE photo prompt each week just for playing along, is Divinity Smurf Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – Ronda Del Boccio
The stakeout was Blockson’s idea—as was the set-up.
Lowry hated the long hours of watching and waiting, but catching the mime red-handed was his only ticket to reinstatement on the police force.
Blockson had posed as a homeowner and casually mentioned (three times) his rare 1936 invisible guitar to the cable installer, Theo Updyke, a known blabbermouth and cousin to the suspect.
If all went according to plan, it would only be a matter of time until the mime showed up to nibble the irresistible bait.
“There she is,” whispered Blockson. “Let’s move in. Got the invisible handcuffs ready?”
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
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AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
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And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
He’ll get an invisible medal for this, I’m sure. The mime is always good for a chuckle.
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Yes, she is. Thanks, Gabi.
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We have a similar elite group in Britain too, of which I am a part of. My membership entitles me to receive 157 phone calls per day about PPI and accidents I’ve had in the last month. What joy!
I am loving the trap for the mime this week! 🙂
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I get 2 to 3 calls a day about extended warranty on my vehicle. They don’t even know what kind of car I own, but they sure want to sell me extra insurance in case something goes wrong.
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Haha! I get these too.
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I think they will find the guitars in the invisible box…
I’m yet spared from telemarketing, the phone number is a corporate number and we are never home early enough for them to call us…
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I expect she’ll break into a Deep Purple song on the invisible guitar when the try to arrest her.
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I’m convinced she’ll get away.
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She’s slippery all right. And as small as she is, she might slip through a knot hole.
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I think I’ve missed some previous stories to set this one up, but I was able to read between the lines and enjoy it anyway. 🙂
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It’s been an ongoing saga. Detective Lowry has been after the mime for a couple of years–ever since she stole an invisible box. They’re finally closing in.
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I wonder if the mime plays air guitar? I love the mime stories!
I used to receive many unwanted phone calls. I stopped answering the phone unless it is someone I know. I recently received a threatening letter directing me to pay up or the warranty on my car would expire. The joke is on them; I don’t have a car! 😀
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I don’t know if she plays air guitar herself, but she knows someone who does.
We gpt a car warranty letter in the mail yesterday. I suppose if you fish long enough for suckers you’ll find one or two who’ll take the bait.
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Dear Mick “Reverse Mortgage” Dagger,
Wait a couple of years and they’ll be after you to choose your Medicare Part B. I can’t tell you how many letters and phone calls I’ve gotten to remind me how old I am.
I have it on good authority that the mime plays a magnificent invisible violin. And she says to tell Detective Lowry good luck. She likes to play mime games.
Shalom,
Divinity Smurf W(T)F
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Dear Divinity Smurf W(T)F,
Yes, I’m constantly reminded that I’m not a pup any more. My agent insists I wear one of those Lifeline push-button things around my neck in case I fall on stage and can’t get back up.
Invisible violin? I’m just glad it’s not invisible banjo. THAT would be spooky!
Best of luck with Part B.
Mick “Reverse Mortgage” Dagger
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Uncle Sam has taken care of Part B. Thank you, Jan, for your service. 😉 Old? I haven’t come out of childhood yet. Feh on second childhood!
Shalom,
Divinity Smurf W(T)F
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You mix real procedure with imaginary matters in a very persuasive manner. I can’t wait to hear how the mime outwits Lowry and Blockhead as they move in!
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Blockson is your typical smart-ass Jew (it takes one to catch one, they say). He and the mime are both witty, but who knows what kind of schemes she has cooking beneath that purple beret.
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Smart-Ass Jew???? I resemble that remark, sir.
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Somehow I don’t see you catching this mime red-handed. White handed… maybe.
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You know, I almost changed it to glove-handed, or white-handed before I posted.
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Either way…the detective and his smart-assed friend are following a path fraught with invisible peril. Put that in your invisible pipe and smoke it. (She laughs silently.)
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Oh, I can see her holding her tiny belly, feigning a laugh. Fortunately, I know the author of this story and he has some smart-ass tricks of his own.
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Mmmm … I think Blockson might have other plans for those invisible handcuffs.
Hope she’s onboard. 😳
Isadora 😎
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Who knows, he may be cahoots with the mime. Stranger things have happened.
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That poor mime gets blamed for everything!
My son-in-law told me about Nomorobo.com which has eliminated many, many calls that come through in spite of our being on a don’t-call list. It’s nice. Once you set it up, if your phone rings once and stops, you know it was a robot phone marketer.
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Wow, I hadn’t heard of Nomorobo.com Thanks for sharing that tip.
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Aha! And now I know what happened to my invisible guitar. Haven’t seen it for ages… 😉
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Sorry to hear that, Eric. Perhaps Lowry & Blockson can recover it along with the dozens of other invisible items this little mime has collected. Then, all you’ll have to do is come down to the station and identify which one is yours.
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You’ll have to find those invisible articles to put the white gloved finger on her. Don’t fret, Eric, invisible strings are hard to find and the guitars are difficult to tune.
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Oh, that’s great new. I’ll have a “look.” I can recognize it immediately. It’s invisible.
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I’m scratching my head with my invisible hand 🙂
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Oh wow – that is a lot of lists to be on!
Whew and who knows what lists you are on that you are not even aware of!
And enjoyed the fiction – love the name blockson
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Blockson’s first name is Cyrano. He has a nose for crime. 🙂
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Nice ….
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
A double laugh treat including the continuing mime thriller. If you enjoy this humor just shoot to the top of the blog and click on BOOKS. If you want to help out Russell by spreading the word of his humor, just reblog this post as I’m doing.
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Thank you, Suzanne. And thanks for enjoying the continuing saga of the Criminal Mime.
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Way too serious nowadays … I needed a good chuckle. I can always count on you. Thanks! =)
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Aww, what a sweet thing to say. I’m blushing.
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I just can’t see this plan coming together!
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This story stretches the imagination at times.
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This story deserves a compliment.
Oh and I forgot to add
.
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Go on, finish your sentence.
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Sorry, my money os on the mime. I’ve always been a sucker for an air violin.
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Oh no, are we nearing the end of the road for the mime? I imagine she might have a key for those handcuffs in a secret pocket though.
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Enjoyable read.
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