What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Sloburbia (reprise)
William Shakespeare didn’t earn a reputation as the greatest writer in the English language without knowing how to craft a good insult. Whether tragedies or comedies, his plays are peppered with vicious put-downs sure to keep his audience entertained. Here are a couple of my favorites.
“He is deformed, crooked, old and sere; ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.” – The Comedy of Errors. “Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.” (I would have said ‘on my arse’ instead) – King Lear
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our feisty facilitator, who can dish it out as well as take it, is Wilhelmina Snakewit Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Have you met the couple who moved into the Fredrick’s house?” Judi snuffed the butt of her cigarette on an empty beer can.
“Her name is Nikki. She’s a freak.” Wanda cleared a spot on the ottoman with the heel of her flip-flop. “What they did to that house is a crime.”
“You’ve been inside?”
“Yeah, it’s bad. I almost hurled a couple of times. The counters were spotless, you could eat off the floor, and the toilet had clean water.”
“That’s disgusting. How can people live like that?” Judi flipped a booger across the room. “There goes the neighborhood.”
42 Comments on “Sloburbia (reprise)”
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What's So Funny? 
I love this! Very original.
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Thanks, Lisa. Not everyone loves a clean house.
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Dear Carbuncle McSwine,
There goes the neighborhood. I don’t know how the girls can stand that Type A, low class, mop pushing, counter cleaning, toilet wipe. Once more you’ve inspired us all to mediocre lacks of height. I retch in your honor.
Shalom,
Wilhelmina Snakewit W(T)F
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Dear Wilhelmina Snakewit W(T)F,
I’ve spent my entire life dreaming of mediocrity and hope to achieve it someday. I’m honored by your retch. No one retches quite like you.
Happy Snarking,
Carbuncle McSwine
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🤮👌🏻😎🖖🏻
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Ha ha – told from the flip-side – great stuff, Russell.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan. Here’s to all the booger flippers.
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LOL. I’m afraid there’s some gentrification going on in the neighbourhood. I also learned a new word. Sere… 🙂
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We can only hope Judi and Wanda are not the Welcome Wagon committee.
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No one wants that perfect couple showing everyone else up.
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I know. Some people just ruin everything for the rest of us.
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Good olde Will!
That’s one way of keeping the awful neighbours away! 😀
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I doubt they’ll be inviting Nikki over for beer and cigarettes any time soon.
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Yep, there is a freak in all of us.
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I’m afraid I’d be that Nikki woman they’re talking about. Love the title and ew. . . that last line! 🙂
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I’m not opposed to clean, but I know some folks who are morally opposed to cleaning.
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Ugh, Russell. I take it that’s Judi’s coffee table in the picture. That was some final sentence. Of course, the clean house sounds like something out of “The Stepford Wives”. That’s sanitary but scary. 😀 — Suzanne
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A house that’s clean to the point of being sterile makes me uncomfortable–but so does the other extreme.
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If you enjoy Russell’s offbeat humor just shoot to the top of the blog and click on BOOKS. He would also greatly appreciate it if you would reblog this post as I have.
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Thanks for the repost, Suzanne. I appreciate all you do to promote my brand of foolishness. 🙂
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Oh lawzy! No one could insult quite like the Bard. I’m thinking we should bring some back… so much more eloquent than :Yo! Your’e a f***ing ***hole!”
As to those clean freaks… you just can’t control who moves in next to you, can you?
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I’m with you there, Dale. A good insult should be witty and eloquent. In some cases, the person won’t even realize they’re being put down until they digest what’s been said.
Who wants to spend all their time cleaning? I’ve never read an obituary that said, “She kept a clean home.” Maybe mine will read, “He lived like a pig, but at least he could write funny stuff.”
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It should indeed! Our former PM told Nixon: “I have been called worse things by better people.” A nicely placed slap…
I sure as hell don’t. And, while not quite living like a pig, I would not pass muster with those clean-freaks…
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One of my favorite insults is by Winston Churchill in his response to Bessie Braddock who said he was disgustingly drunk. ‘My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.’
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Subverting the paradigm as usual, eh, Russell? I like all the little details in your story – the flip-flop, snuffing out the butt on a beer can – all giving us a great picture of the horror that is sloburbia!
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Around here, Judi and Wanda might be referred to as trailer trash. Whatever the case, they don’t spend a lot of time cleaning. I expect to see them invested with mice and roaches soon.
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Okay, Shakespeare is funny, the house was gross, but you had me wanting to gag at the booger. Really, really hate boogers. Comes from teaching junior high boys 🙂
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Sorry about the booger, Linda. I just had to throw that in. 🙂
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Great irony! Very good.
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Thank you, and thanks for visiting and leaving a comment.
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Funny as ever, Russell, except that there really are people like that.
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Yep, truth is often funnier than fiction.
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Well, the guy wandering about in briefs in Nudesville is obviously crazy. This was so much fun, Russell.
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Glad you enjoyed, Varad.
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XD
Really funny, Russell!
Enjoyed it! 😀
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Thanks for your comment. Glad you found it funny.
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The gentrification of the inner city slums. Like this a lot!
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Fancy being able to eat off the floor. What a waste of time and effort. Although, I do wonder what hidden visitors Judi and Wanda might by harbouring.
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Insult ‘R’ Us. Nice intro to your story, Russell.
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Shew! Or should I say “pew”?
I mean I am no clean freak but I do use a tissue!
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Ha! We humans are known to look down on those who live differently than we do. I like to think of myself as tolerant, but I’m rather averse to the idea of having a booger flipped across the room at me.
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I’m sure Judi and Wanda have a few hundred back copies of Bad Housekeeping under that delightful table of theirs. Lovely insults and I learned a new word too.
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