It’s Slow Good

Posted on September 12, 2018 by

54 Comments

They say time is relative. Funny, but I don’t remember having a relative named Time. I did know someone whose last name was Time that I was quite fond of. His first name was Quitting. We got along extremely well and often shared a beer or two after work.

Quitting came from a rather large family and had a good number of cousins. One of them became a lightning rod for controversy. People either loved or hated him. Complaints range from having to reset clocks twice a year to blaming physical illnesses on him. He is also charged with being a thief. Daylight Savings steals an hour every spring, but gives it back in the fall. I wonder what he does with that hour during the nine months he keeps it?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our faithful facilitator, who takes a licking and keeps on ticking, is Jonnette Cameron Swayze Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – J. Hardy Carroll

“Perry, you attended the Pre-Paint-Drying Banquet last night. How do you see this battle shaping up? Is there one player who might come from nowhere to pull off an upset?”

“Keep an eye on ‘Plain Jane’ Jones. If she performs with the same intensity and passion she displayed in my hotel room last night, she’ll blow this thing wide open. That is, if she’s not too exhausted.”

“Perry, surely you don’t mean—”

“That’s right, JB. She painted all four walls and the ceiling. We spent the next six hours just lying on the bed watching it dry.”

*the above is an excerpt from “The Joys of Watching Paint Dry” starring the never-popular Perry Block, who happens to be celebrating a birthday today.

Category: humorTags: , , , , ,

54 Comments on “It’s Slow Good”

  2. Dear Tommy-Justin DaNikov Timex,

    I thought Perry had sworn off birthdays since it’s so close to Yom Kippur. I wonder if Plain Jane Jones would be interested in a notso quickie in Missouri. Our house could use a coat or two.
    Watching the weather reports from the coast and hoping my brother’s watch will still be ticking next week. At any rate I need to go unwind. Perhaps I’ll go watch some paint dry. Or twist my wristband.

    Shalom,

    Jonnette Cameron Swayze W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Dear Jonnette Cameron Swayze W(T)F,

      Methuselah may have sworn off birthdays, but I reminded him by email and on Facebook how old and dried up he is. I’m sure he spent the day our shopping for Metamucil and Depends.

      As an artist, I’m sure you spend a good deal of time watching paint dry as well. Although watercolor drys so fast it’s like watching a NASCAR race compared exterior enamel. Better buy an extra box of wine.

      Hoping your brother stays dry,
      Tommy-Justin DaNikov Timex

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      Reply

  6. Daylight Savings should get a good whupping, I say.
    As for the whole watching the paint dry… why waste such time when you could be over at MY place painting?

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    • It’s a spectator sport, Dale. The fun is not applying the paint. For guys like Perry & J.B., the thrill is sitting back and watching it dry. That should say something about how exciting their personal lives are.

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    • I’d hate to go up against the Chinese in a Watching-Paint-Dry competetition. They have such self-discipline and concentration they could wait out slow-drying enamel. I’m more of an interior latex guy myself.
      Answer: some of my childhood companions considered me a smart-ass. 🙂

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  14. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    A great two for free blog today from Russell. There’s also a free plug for Perry Block’s new book, THE JOYS OF WATCHING PAINT DRY. If you want more of Russell’s great humor just click on the book covers on the right of this blog. You can also help him out by reblogging this post from your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Thank you for helping make Perry’s birthday brighter, Suzanne. Let’s hope his son took him to watch a freshly painted shopping center dry to celebrate the occassion.

      Like

      Reply

    • Right you are, Penny. I met Closing a few times. Brutish fellow, always telling people, “Go Home!, Get the Hell Out!” I think his only friend was the bartender.

      Like

      Reply

  21. As someone who’s doing quite a lot painting at the moment, I can vouchsafe that watching it dry can be peaceful and calming after all the preparation beforehand. Great practice Jane and Perry got in before the main event.

    Liked by 1 person

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