Russell Gayer, author speaker
You may be familiar with the expression, “He’s all thumbs.” Unlike Midas, nothing turns to gold, but is instantly reduced to a pile of rubble by the fumbling touch of this clumsy oaf.
Let’s look at the pros & cons of having ten thumbs:
Pro Con
Giving a “thumbs up” sign Picking your nose
Hitchhiking Giving prostate exams
Texting Playing the piano
I’m sure you can think of many more in each category. Your job is to add one or two in the comment section. Let’s see how many we can come up with.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our diminutive leader, who clutches a purple crayon in her tiny digits, is Thumbelina Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Wow! Your Aunt Mary has quite a collection of umbrellas.”
“Yes, so many in fact that she’s started her own airline business.”
“You mean online, don’t you?”
“No. These umbrellas are for flying. People rent them to tour the town. It’s so much safer than walking or riding a scooter, and the view is fantastic.”
“That’s interesting. How’s business?”
“It’s really taken off. She has a large number of regular clients—all of whom are women.”
“I’m not surprised. It’s gotta be more comfortable than straddling a broom.”
I apologize for not visiting the sites of everyone who commented on my post last week. Things got crazy from Thursday on. I’ll strive to do better this week. Thanks so much for dropping by and reading.
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Dear Tom Thumbthing,
Methinks you could be opening yourself up for a bit of feminist backlash with that last line. That being said, have you any of those brollies in purple…perhaps one in different shades of the glorious colour.
PRO – pulling plums from Christmas Pie (thus rendering all ten of them purple) CON – tearing toilet paper. (And how do those bears manage?)
Shalom,
Thumbelina W(T)F
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Dear Thumbelina W(T)F,
I have the greatest admiration for the fairer gender–especially those capable of casting spells. 🙂
You’ve made a great case for more thumbs with your plum pulling escapade–purple as they may be. As for the con, I’m not an expert on bear hygiene that therefore can’t answer your question.
Thoughtfully yours,
Tom Thumbthing
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PRO-eating olives CON-drinking tea
HAHAHA! Careful…..I might turn you into a frog! 🙂
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I love your pros & cons, Morgaine.
Me thinks I’d much rather be turned into a prince.
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Russell, you are a prince already! 🙂
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Ouch, you’re brave, unless you’re a committed masochist!
Pro: easy to gain employment in a thumbscrew testing facility.
Con: being employed in a thumbscrew testing facility.
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Probably more stupid than brave. I expect to be pelted with a barrage of angry arrows, but hey, it’s all in fun.
I had not considered a career in thumbscrew testing. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a hangnail.
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… or a kick in the pollex.
(I suspect my feeble attempt at wordplay won’t translate into American English)
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Pro: You will always stand out like a sore thumb
Con: Your career as private detective will be short lived
Isn’t there a risk that you will be taken on a one-way trip to Bald Mountain with an umbrella service like that.
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I think this post stands out like a sore thumb. Especially the last line of the story.
My career as a blogger may be short lived too.
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PRO – Expert Thumb Painter
CON – Difficult to develop into any other kind of painting skills.
Good story, it’s been awhile since witches got an upgrade on their transport.
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I think the new mode of transportation is quite classy and elegant.
Yes, it would hard to finger paint with all thumbs.
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Congratulations! That last line suggests that you have achieved the near impossible and are now dumber than you look.
Cons: Unable to communicate the international sign to one’s fellow drivers. Restricted involvement in the great rock n roll anthem One Finger and Thumb
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Thank you, C.E. When you’re naturally handsome, dumbing down is only a small step. 🙂
Yes, unfortunately your fellow driver’s perceive your thumbs-up as a positive sign that you appreciate their skillful driving.
How about retitling the Rolling Stones song to, “Under My Thumbs.” This would indicate that you have an entire harem under your domain.
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Very interesting write. Great job!
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Don’t leave me hanging, Lisa. Where are your pros & cons?
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The best I can come up with is when I’m thinking about something I do rub my chin with my thumb so it feels kind of relaxing while I’m thinking so that’s the pro. On the con side: thumbs are a very big part of holding items so they are more at risk of getting caught in something and getting injured.
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interesting idea. a flying umbrella could also prevent you from getting wet when it rains. should be strong enough to stand a tornado, though. 🙂
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I don’t know about tornados & hurricanes. It’s best to stay grounded in those storms.
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Nice idea to fly around town on an umbrella. Who flies on a broom!!! What is in your mind?
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I give up. Who flies a broom these days? That’s so passe.
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Mary Poppins was not a witch, good sir. She was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in every way. I think the Wiccans might want a word with you.
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She wasn’t Peter Pan either. I have the fondess memories of Ms. Poppins, but her flying was magical.
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Oh you are cruising for a bruising…
PRO: Never running out of pacifiers (we are talking babies, here!)
CON: Never losing the desire for pacifiers… (leaving that open for discussion)
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Personally, I always thought riding a broom was very demeaning. An umbrella is definitely a step up, and the metal ribs serve as a Wifi antenna. Just think of all the juicy gossip that could be gathered while cruising the neighbor?
10 thumbs does raise thumb-sucking to a whole new level. (still bad for the teeth).
I’m not touching the CON. I’m in deep enough water already.
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Quite, I should think. And yes, antenna – good point!
Smart man 😉
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Brolly or broom – witch to choose!
Click to read my FriFic tale!
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Exactly! At least now they have a choice.
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Flying through the air with an umbrella, heavenly. Like Mary Poppins! Lovely story. I’ll think of pro’s and con’s and get back to you soon. =)
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Well, this way a humongous delay but better late than never. For the pro’s…You mentioned this one already but…here in Asia, the “thumbs up” is a big deal, a good sign. Can you imagine how cool you’d be with ALL thumbs? Also, all thumbs would be very comforting for a closet thumb sucker? For the con’s…it would be difficult to take a pulse and difficult to make the peace sign. =)
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I enjoyed this, but umbrellas are much harder on the arm,
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You can switch hands during the ride. These umbrellas are magical and make you feel weightless.
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Wonderful to read so many Aunt Mary stories this week. I hear America has it’s own Super-Callous Fragile-Egocentric running the roost. Wouldn’t he benefit from a spoonful of sugar?
PROS: Be an absolute champ at thumb wrestling
CONS: Holding the trophy might be an issue.
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What a hilarious comment (on both issues).
We definitely have an Egocentric ruling the roost.
I can just see someone trying to hold that trophy with all thumbs.
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I’m not ashamed of my broomstick – I can even reverse park it!
Loved this story, Russell!
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Wow, that’s impressive, Penny. You must be a real hit with the other ladies in your coven.
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PRO: Makes it easier to keep people under your thumb
Con: Not much time to do anything esle
Great fun, Russell.
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Great answers, Linda. It made be laugh.
Who wants to the tied up with all that thumbing?
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I do look forward to going perilously high by means of a parasol.
Would be difficult with only thumbs though.
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I’m sure the view is fantastic. Good point about the thumbs, Andrea.
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Where do they put all the shopping, perhaps an umbrella in tow.
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Good point, James. Perhaps they opt for home delivery.
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Pro – Better odds of having a lush garden.
Con – Greater risk of injury from attempting to utilize various garden tools.
I won’t be witchy and point out any defamations. Very funny.
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You can never tell about the gardening thing. I know several people who have a Black Thumb and can’t even maintain fake flowers without the petals falling off. They don’t do well with plastic fruit either. Garden tools are definitely dangerous to those with “all thumbs.”
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I think this friend of Mary’s nephew needs to be careful he’s not overheard by Mary or any of her customers. He’s making wild and crazy assumptions that the move from broom to umbrella is usual of a particular character type.
On the thumb thing, I can only think of cons: no holding an umbrella handle, no holding beer glasses, no typing FF stories. 😦
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Yes, it’s a dangerous assumption. However, it would be a fantastic mode of transportation–even if the rider wasn’t cackling. 🙂
Not being able to hold a beer would be dreadful, as would missing out on FFF.
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Lovely and witty take but I can’t think of any more “thumbs” and my “finger” suggestions are just too rude to write.
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That’s too bad, because I bet you have some interesting finger suggestions.
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Haha definitely more comfortable 😀
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I would think there would be both pros and cons to an umbrella or a broom.
You’ve certainly given us plenty to think about.
Two thumbs up!
Unless of course I have no thumbs.
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From Mary Poppins to straddling a broom? Ouch, Russell!
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