Russell Gayer, author speaker
Today’s intro topic is Gossip. My favorite story goes like this;
Mildred, the town gossip, saw the old pickup belonging to George (a new member of her church) parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She immediately began spreading a malicious rumor that George was an alcoholic.
The rumor soon got back to George. He didn’t attempt to explain, defend, or deny the accusation. But later that day, he parked his truck in front of Mildred’s house—walked home—and left it there all night.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Deputy of Dirty Laundry, who practices a “Nip it in the bud” philosophy, is Barnella Fife Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
It pains me to say this, but one group at high risk for Heavy Thinking Addiction is writers. They spend far too much time alone in front of computer screens actually encouraging the thought process.
Last spring, I attended one of their conferences, and let me tell you, there was a whole lot of Heavy Thinking going on. By the time the keynote finished her address, the entire audience was intoxicated on knowledge. They spent the next day scheming plots and sharing ideas.
I was appalled at their blatant display of Public Thinking.
What a shame to desecrate such a fine hotel.
* the above is an excerpt from the title story of “The Perils of Heavy Thinking” This book can be ordered by clicking the link on this page or by emailing the author. Many thanks!
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Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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Thinking is definitely discouraged in the modern world. Way too much effort, just sit back and relax.
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As it should be. Thinking has been proven to create headaches as well as projects for husbands to do. Very dangerous. Anything over 2 thoughts a day can also cause diarrhea.
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Shit! That’s my problem…
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That young man has a great future ahead of him 🙂
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He sure does. Let’s hope he can keep that thinking down to a bare minimum.
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I love that “Mildred” joke.. a classic
As for those heavy thinkers…they seem to be in short supply lately…
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Yes, the Mildred joke is an old one, but always good for an example of karma. Even the guy at the White House will tell you that thinking is bad for your health.
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Which is why he avoids it at all costs…
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I cannot think of a witty response to this, I feel it’s a burden for everyone and therefore I will refrain from deliver any interpretations or try to identify the metaphors I can see in your excellent thesis. Heavy thinking is a peril, and should be avoided at all cost… now I will go and fetch my car at Mildred’s
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Playing it safe, eh Bjorn. Er . . . I mean George.
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your book excerpt fit so well here.
and what better way to enjoy being intoxicated on knowledge – than by also having some nice java with it
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Great idea, but let’s not over-think it.
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hahah – it took my a minute to get the humor (at first I thought you were being a little snooty – and came to read the comment again – and then – it was SO FUNNY! yes, Russell Gayer is berry funny dude
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That’ll show Mildred. If only she’d been to the Heavy Thinking convention. OTOH, she probably doesn’t need any stimulation of her imagination.
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No. Mildred is the kind of woman who can put 2 and 2 together and come up with 16.
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Dear Otis,
Now you see where heavy thinking gets a person. Your cell is waiting for you, but I think your computer sprung a leak. Now I’m back to hanging out my assorted (purple) shorts. Put the key back on the hook when you leave.
Shalom y’all,
Barnella Fife W(T)F
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Dear Barnella Fife W(T)F,
Why do you think my computer sprang a leak? Is the front of my pants wet (again)? What’s for breakfast? I hope it’s not those purple-berry muffins again. Shut the door when you leave. I don’t want anyone disturbing my nap.
Otis
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Good for George! 🙂
I do my thinking behind closed doors.!
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Oh . . . a secret thinker. How devious.
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Now how did Mildred deal with that?
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Perhaps she told everyone what a terrible lover he was. I’m sure she made up something good.
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Cunning Geroger. Got his revenge. Nice!
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That George is sly as a fox.
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Ah, thought process, maybe that is what my writing lacks.
I’ll Google it and get back to you, okay?
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Your writing doesn’t lack anything. Adding thoughts would only dilute the quality of the work. And stay away from Google. All that information will only pollute your mind.
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Now you’ve got me thinking.
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STOP, KEITH! Before it’s too late.
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Every week you give two offerings for the price of one visit. You’re good value, Russell. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Thank you, Sandra. I’m surprised Mother Superior lets me get away with it.
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She’s probably enjoying the two too much to say anything.(You didn’t hear that from me). But you still don’t get your joy-buzzer back.
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Rats! You’ve kept my joy-buzzer since the day you took over as bus driver. Isn’t it up for parole yet?
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Haha Great story and intro topic as well. I’ve been guilty of heavy thinking a time or two. I feel a bit embarrassed about it now. I’m glad you’re shedding light on this rarely talked about affliction.
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It’s okay, Mandie. Those of us who’ve visited your site know that you’re a pretty heavy thinker–not that I’m being judgmental. Admitting your problem is the first step toward recovery. Perhaps someday you’ll be able to write about how your overcame this awful addiction.
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Hmmmmmm…..more people should be writers! As long as they agree to think that is. Writing without thinking is not to be allowed.
Love the Mildred joke!
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Oh, I don’t know about that. My characters do most of the thinking. I just type what they tell me to.
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thinking is like sex. the more you become obsessed with it, the more it doesn’t rise to the occasion. 🙂
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I would have never compared it to sex. You’ve obviously been thinking.
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With all that shared plotting and scheming going on, I think the fixings holding the roof on the hotel might need to be checked. There will have been a lot of hot air expelled with all that heavy thinking.
That George is one wily cad. I wonder if Mildred will learn to be more circumspect in future.
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Those conferences are like pep rallies. People leave there all hyped up and drive home, sometimes hundreds of miles. It’s scary on the highway with all those thinkers behind the wheel.
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Blatant displays of Public Thinking should be banned. However there is nothing more brazen than Public Thinking leading to a group text session.
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You’re absolutely right. I hate those group text things.
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How very thoughtful of you to warn us of the perils of heavy thinking.
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It’s for your own good, Penny. I’m just looking out for my dear friends in the blogosphere.
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Shame on those nasty writers for not trying to hide their thinking problem. Thinking of thinking, George sure had a pretty good dose of thinking fast on his feet….
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Maybe we should start a treatment center for those poor writers. I feel sorry for them.
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Perhaps an intervention where those poor writers are forced to read presidential tweets. All coherent thought, let alone proper use of the language, would be totally obliterated.
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Ha! As Sandra says, each week we get two stories from you for the price of one. And they are well worth it. Thanks for tow smiles this week.
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Thanks, Lish. The Two for One deal is part of my “NO REFUNDS” policy.
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😉
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I love it. George is brilliant and he showed Mildred!
I agree writers are often heavy thinkers. I’ve been called a deep thinker. But I think I have a balance thankfully.
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A lot of people fool themselves, believing they have their thinking under control. “I’m just a social thinker,” they say. It starts innocent enough, but the next think you know, you find yourself thinking when you’re all alone and should be doing mindless activities.
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Heavy thinking and heavy drinking should never be a public event. Much better to keep it private and remember to wash your hands afterward. Great story.
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I’m sure there are some “closet thinkers” out there who assume their thoughts aren’t hurting anyone else. They’re only kidding themselves. It’s a dangerous addiction.
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You always make me chuckle. George’s response to her gossip was incredible. And those public thinkers…
=)
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George let his actions do his talking. I’m sure Mildred came up with a reasonable explanation that even a Supreme Court Justice would believe.
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Excellent and I loved the gossip tale too.
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Thank you, Jilly.
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Your introduction was so funny I could barely concentrate in your story. I got it the second time. Many a true word is written in jest.
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Glad you enjoyed the intro, Dawn. I really hate gossip and it’s nice to see the rumor starters get their due.
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Don’t worry. Such a public display of heavy thinking will likely never happen again.
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I’m afraid it will. According to the conference web site, they’ve done it 50 times already and are already scheming next year’s agenda.
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😊
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Once more your intro pulled me in, only later did I realize that was not a main story. Brilliant, on both accounts!
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