What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Wheel of Misfortune
Deer season opened here last Saturday. The first two days went as planned, then on Monday, Local Wildlife Union #413 called for a walkout. Deer set up a picket line in my backyard and began demanding shorter hours and holiday pay for Thanksgiving.
The timing of the strike caught the AGF (Arkansas Game & fish) off guard and threatened to end the season prematurely. Several hunting camps have sided with the deer in urging the AGF to settle quickly. However, if they give in to the deer, it’s likely the rabbits, squirrel, and waterfowl will soon follow suit.
My recommendation is to break the strike by bringing in “replacement deer” from surrounding states. Mississippi, in particular, has a good number of well-qualified deer who are dying to cross the border. Arkansas deer have threatened to file suit, but this is a Red State, which gives them about as much chance of winning as a fart in a whirlwind.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Game Warden, who strictly enforces the 100-word regulations, is Ranger Rocky Raccoon Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Dewayne had a God-given talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. As a youth, the sports teams he played on would often be ahead by as many as ten points with a minute to play, and find a way to lose—thanks to Dewayne.
The same held true when it came to romance and business. He’d filed almost as many bankruptcies and divorces as Donald Trump.
Overlooking his latest real estate acquisition, Dewayne envisioned couples lining up in droves to float through his Tunnel of Love.
Too bad it was downstream from the sewer plant.
37 Comments on “Wheel of Misfortune”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Dewayne,
Dare I say this story truly stinks? But in a good way of course.
Once upon a time, a group of ladies I worked with and I formed a bowling team. I even had a purple ball. We called ourselves the CWC (Catty Women’s Club…given to us by another employee of the male persuasion). We prided ourselves on holding the last place position in the league. Everyone wanted to play against us. 😉
Please be careful with firearms. See you tomorrow.
Shalom,
Ranger Rocky Raccoon W(T)F
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Dear Rocky Raccoon W(T)F,
Catty Women’s Club sounds like a great name for any club that would have you for a member. I too was on a bowling team that did very poorly, and a basketball team that failed to win a single game, so I am an expert on being in last place.
Perhaps you and Jan would enjoy a gondola ride through the Tunnel of Love. Once you get over the smell, you have it licked.
Happy Rowing,
Dewayne
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🤣🤢🤡😅😜
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Like Trump though, I’m sure he’ll manage to b*llsh*t his way out of it. Glad the animals have finally unionised, about time, although the current trend for Veganism is going to put a lot of them out of jobs soon.
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Yes, I’m sure Dewayne will come through the whole real estate ordeal smelling like a skunk.
As a carnivore, I’m not too worried about veganism, especially here in the South. Our motto is “if its brown it’s down.” I refuse to refer to “replacement deer” as “scabs” even though they’re crossing picket lines to pick up free corn.
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It’s the details that let you down, no? A simple survey might have done the trick, but hey! the guy seems to thrive on adversity.
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Dewayne got a heck of deal on this piece of property. Those real estate agents can be smooth talkers. If the Tunnel of Love doesn’t work out, maybe he can grow mutant fish for a foreign market.
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He might do better to rebrand it as a tunnel of horrors
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Good idea. I’m amazed at how many people are willing to pay someone to scare them.
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Hah! Well I can’t say I feel particularly sorry for Dwayne. Entertaining story, Russell.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan.
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Well let’s hope that he got his money up front so he can default on all of his contractors like DJT and the other sewer rats.
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Thanksgiving they should have off… they aren’t turkeys, yanno!
I’m thinking you should entice DJT to take a cruise into the tunnel of love and then barricade it…
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I think DJT is more interested in the Tunnel of Grope.
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Fine. Change the name, send him through… then seal it!
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Two hilarious stories for the price of one! 😀 I can picture the deer on the picket line! 🙂
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They should have brought up their grievences at the last contract negotiations–not wait until hunting season started. I’ll never look at one the same way again.
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if he can sell it, i have the brooklyn bridge for him to sell, too. 🙂
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I expect he’ll probably just file bankruptcy.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Another hilarious FREE twofer from Russell. If you want to read more of his craziness, swing right on the post and click on one or both of the book covers. If you want to help Russell even more, reblog his post from your post as I’ve done.
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Too bad there isn’t a “Love” button I could click when you reblog one of these. 🙂
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Dewayne seems capable of bringing civilization to a screeching halt all by himself. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yes, he’s pretty talented in that regard.
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Dewayne sounds like a super optimist, you have to admire him for keeping on going
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There’s no quit in that guy.
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Dewayne certainly has judgement issue. He ends up making wrong call as it can be understood from his love tunnel real estate plan beside a sewer plant.
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He could advertise the ride as “a real treat for your olfactory system.”
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I don’t think anyone would have lined up to float through that “tunnel of love” even without the sewage plant 🙂
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Ah, come on Ali. Let a little romance in.
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Deer (sic) Trigger-happy Yank, I am shocked and appalled at your piece on Deer Season. Are these damn deer communists? Don’t they realise that waiting around until good honest murderin’ rednecks want to slaughter them is their raison d’être? Hell in a hand-cart, that’s where the country is goin’. Dang, dang, and thrice dang.
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Your comment is spot on, C.E. It’s a rare day in Hades when one of my post gets 3 dangs.
The thieving deer spend all summer eating crops, destroying flower beds, and damaging automobiles, then get real uppity and start making outrageous demands when hunting season comes. Thrice dang their furry hides.
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He could convert it into a log flume, maybe?
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Ah, I can tell you have an entrepreneurial mind, Jilly.
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That Dewayne…lots of good ideas, all of them bad!
His poor mother.
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I think there might be love strong enough to overcome the reek of a sewer, but not very common…
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As always, your story made me laugh.
And I’d be more than glad to send some Pennsylvania deer to Arkansas. Too many of them are dying to get across the road. Literally. This is road-kill season up here.
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Very fun write as always. Great job!
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