What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Open House (Reprise)
As a kid, I watched The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show religiously. One of my favorite segments was “Fractured Fairy Tales.” At the time, I never thought about the writers who created the story line, but looking back, I realize what a sick bunch of twisted individuals they must have been, and the impact they had on my impressionable you mind.
Now, it’s fifty years later and you poor souls (my faithful readers) are being exposed to the fallout from the nuclear explosions that happened in my brain so long ago. I’m not apologizing, mind you, just a little background information for those of you who slept through psychology in college.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Fairy Godmother of our weekly tales is Queen Lurline Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Hello, I’m calling about the cottages for rent.”
“Yes, Ma’am. We have two units available.”
“Where are they located?”
“These are portable units. You can lease a space from us, or set them up on your own lot.”
“They sound nice, but I’m a single mother with a large family. I’m not sure I can afford it.”
“Don’t worry Ma’am. There’s government funding available to help elderly women in your situation, and the more children the better.”
“My kids won’t eat their broth. Any suggestions?”
“Spank them soundly and put ‘em to bed.”
“Shoe Apartments sounds like a perfect fit.”
53 Comments on “Open House (Reprise)”
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What's So Funny? 
There’s a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that this sounds familiar
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Well, at least the nagging isn’t coming from your spouse. Things could always be worse.
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Dear Edward Everette Red Nose Gayer,
There are those childhood things that shape our futures. For me Rock and Bullwinkle was a guiding light…coupled with Mad Magazine. WhAt mE wOrRy? Sherman, Mr. Peabody and the Way-Back machine was a favorite. I’ll take another story in a AA width.
Shalom,
Queen Lurline W(T)F
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Dear Queen Lurline,
I loved Mad Magazine too, and later National Lampoon. They had a cartoon called Politeness Man that ridiculously funny. And of course, I was a huge fan of Foghorn Leghorn.
May your holiday be un-fractured,
Edward Everett Red-Nose
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Note: Mad Magazine had a huge influence on my caricature art as you might’ve guessed. 😉
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Shoe Apartments. Wonderful. Loved your fractured fairy tales. I, too, loved Rocky and Bullwinkle, but they don’t seem to have made the lasting impression on my mind that they did on yours. Now, Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner? Yeah. I’d love to see you make a hilarious tale including those two 🙂
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Another Fictioneer tackled Wile E. Coyote recently, and the Roadrunner got his just deserve for once. I was elated! Pepe Le Pew was also one of my favorite (since I considered myself a romantic too).
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Oh yes. And Bugs, Micky, Pluto Donald; so many wonderful memories of these beautifully drawn, fun cartoons!
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It sounds like most of us watched Rocky and Bullwinkle. I was probably older than many of you but found it just as funny. That shoe house is probably about the size of most efficiency apartments today. Living in one with a bunch of kids would be harder though. 😀 — Suzanne
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Many of the storylines in those cartoons had a lot of adult humor beneath the surface. It must have been great fun for the writers. They are building a lot of dinky houses in our area now (along with huge monstrosities in gated communities). The dinky houses are cute, but so small you have to go outside just to change your mind.
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My daughter lived in a couple efficiency apartments in Chicago for some time. There was basically only one room with a breakfast bar and screen for separations. There was only one door to exit and enter. —- Suzanne
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Two stories again for the price of one (actually free). If this humor cheers you, just travel up and to your right on this blog and click on one of the book covers. To make Russell’s holidays even happier, reblog this post just as I’ve done.
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Rocky and Bullwinkle? That does explain a lot 😉 And that little old lady, at least we now know why she lived where she lived!
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Now, if we could just find out if those were her biological children or if she adopted them. With Christmas coming, I’m sure she could use some financial assistance. Please send your donation to me and I’ll be happy to pass it along.
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Spank ’em soundly?
Hey, some of us pay good money for that, and we are quite straight-laced.
PS Could you park a rental unit near the Family Planning Clinic for the lady in question?
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I can just hear you begging, “Thank you, Madam. May I have another?”
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I enjoyed your take on an old fairy tale. 😊
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Thank you, Brenda.
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I was going to point out that the lady maybe ought to get some contraceptive advice but I hesitated because I didn’t want to come across as soul-less, you know, a bit of a heel. Good story. Lovely fun!
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No one would ever think that of you, Jilly. If they did, you should throw a stilleto at them.
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well… I’m lost. That’s the drawback of being a foreigner. Can you advise where to look to get acquainted with this crazy fairy tale? I love crazy fairies and mad stories. Keep posting!
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It’s a rough parody of “The Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe” (she had so many children she didn’t know what to do).
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Hang on I found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7QxwoPbRIE
Definitely my type of “fairy” tale. Thanks. oh! and I cancelled my wordpress account. Hope the other website appears here.
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What other website? The link to youtube?
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I know I only started FF in 2015, but this did indeed feel familiar 😉
Poor woman, Where oh where is the guy who left her with this brood, eh?
Always fun to read yours, Russell.
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I think we should remake the cartoon classic of the Canadian Mountie, but with you as the female lead. This time we’ll call it Dale Do-Right. C.E. Ayr can play Snidely Whiplash and Brad Pitt as the helpless blond who always needs saving.
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Buahaha!! Love it!
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Spanking children about to be made illegal here? Any other suggestions, I may need some new ideas…
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I’m sorry to hear that. Several years ago they stopped paddling kids in public schools and now they have a huge discipline problem and very few tools for controling children who misbehave or act out.
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does she have a choice? i guess that’ll do until the kids grow up to be teens. 🙂
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“Spank them …” would this not be considered child abuse?
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No, that would be “Beat them.” A few whacks on the backside never hurt anyone.
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What a practical, though unoriginal(and unfortunately, in some places, illegal), idea for setting children straight 🙂
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It is practical–and effective. I know a woman who was raised by Catholic parents. They had twelve children. When one got in trouble their mother spanked all twelve.
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Ha ha ha. That’s socialism for you 🙂
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Familiar and yet new.. Very nice.
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Thanks. I tried to add a new twist to an old story.
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I was trying to remember the Old Woman who lived in a shoe the other day. Those were simpler times, for parents!:)
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Yes, they were simplier times. No internet or video games. Kids had to use their imagination.
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Jay Ward’s Rocky & Bullwinkle, and then George of the Jungle, were two of my most favorite of cartoons. I still have a Rocky the Flying Squirrel ceramic bank. Can’t even begin to list all the R&B merchandise I had.
You did the fractured tales justice. Good thing she didn’t go for the highrise heels.
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I loved those and Underdog too. We visited a bar in Minnesota once called Bullwinkle’s. They had a lot of cool memoriablia decorating the place.
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I love where you went with this!
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Thanks, Dawn.
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Ha.. sounds a lot like a trailer park living actually.
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Yes, it does. Can you imagine a whole bunch of shoes lined up?
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Haha – very nicely done Russel!
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Shoe apartments, that’s a great idea
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This evoked a deeply felt pain.
Regards, SLSM.
https://stilllovedstillmissed.wordpress.com/
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Very creative take on the old fairytale.
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When I hear “Shoe Apartments”, I think of a stack of shoeboxes, each being a unit. Are they shoeboxes donated by giants, perhaps?
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Fairytales are mostly dark stories, not the cotton-candy versions we know today. A modern take on an old tale. One that captivated me as a child, as I tried to picture the various rooms within a shoe-shaped house.
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Great stuff, I’ve been bastardising fairly tales in the FF for a fair few months now, and I’m sure I visited the old lady who lived in a shoe. I think she was jailed for child abuse!! Enjoyed that
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I’ve always suspected that was a true story. Maybe she could feed them four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
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