What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Dinner & Drinks
Bumper stickers have long been a part of American culture. People apply them to their automobiles to express their political views, advertise their sexual preference, brag on their honor roll student, or just to say, “Hey, look at me. I’m an Idiot.”
While you won’t see one on my automobile, I do enjoy the ones that are cleverly worded and funny. Here are a few of my favorites.
- The weather is here, wish you were beautiful
- My kid can beat up your honor roll student
- Horn broken, watch for finger
What are some of your favorites?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Blog Donna (who made the “Good Behavior” list at Jackson County Correctional Facility) is Gertrude Lythgoe Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
On camping trips, a lot of families opt for simple dinner fare such as hotdogs or cold-cut sandwiches. Not us. To ensure that our children got to enjoy a genuine camping experience, Connie insisted on charred animal flesh grilled over an open flame.
Nothing heightens the bliss of a weekend excursion more than hunkering over red-hot coals on a 104-degree day.
After supper, the mosquito clan dropped by for cocktails. It was a rather large family reunion. All their kinfolks from surrounding campsites buzzed by for a quick bite and a double-shot of Bloody Connie, Bloody Russell, and Bloody Kids.
*the above is an excerpt from “Adventures in Camping”
53 Comments on “Dinner & Drinks”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Bloody Russell on the Rocks,
One of my favorite bumper stickers is “If you can read this you’re too close” or the classic “How’s my Driving? Call 1-800 EAT SHIT.”
Ah camping…our first camping trip was memorable. We were young marrieds. We took our dog, Bambi, something of a Mexican Heinz. She loved swimming. The first day was great. After that it poured so we were stuck inside our tent playing cards. Are all men such sore losers? Then there were the days afterward I found ticks in my long hair looking for a place to land.
Don’tcha love how I made this whole comment on your story all about me?
Shalom,
Gertie L. W(T)F
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Dear Gertrude W(T)F,
I trust you looked your namesake up. She’s quite interesting and would make good subject matter for one of your historical fiction blogs.
I did notice that your post was all about you. As for your question about being sore losers, we men are very competitive and love winning. The only thing we consistently lose at is arguements with our wives.
Hope you’re enjoying the cold weather and snow. At least it keeps the mosquitos at bay.
Bloody Russell on the Rocks
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Oh my. I’ll admit I had not heretofore looked her up. Could indeed make an interesting historical piece. Thank you….I think.
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😁 Nancy
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Thanks for stopping by and leaving a happy face, Nancy.
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Bloody is a very useful word, so descriptive. Bumper stickers aren’t such a thing over here, but for a long time in Glasgow we had a logo ‘Glasgow’s Miles Better’ (also read as Glasgow Smiles Better) with a picture of Mr. Happy from the Mr. Men books smiling next to it. If you know Glasgow’s reputation as a rather hard, violent city, it was actually quite a subversive threat…
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I learned to incorporate the word Bloody by reading stories from C.E. and Sandra.
Love the Glasgow story. One of our local towns had a reputation for being boring (no shopping center, no entertainment district, few restuarants). To combat it they came out with an ad campaign and the slogan was, “Springdale, it’s not so bad.”
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🙂
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LOL! Some of the reasons why I never go camping! 😀
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I enjoy it in the spring & fall, but not during the hotest months of summer. A person should be hugging their air conditioner then.
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Oh yes. You’ve captured it. The joys of the great outdoors on a summer night. Funny story, as usual. I like your choice of bumper stickers too.
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Thanks, Margaret. I wish you would share one of your favorite bumper stickers.
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Your last stanza is delightful…couldn’t control my laughter. You have captured the perspective of buzzing mosquitoes well😊
https://evergreenleaf.blogspot.com/2019/02/fire-deity-agni-dev.html
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Thanks. I hate the little buggers (and they spread disease too).
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Yes, they do!
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Grew up camping. Loved hotdogs and s’mores by the fire. But … hate those tiny blood suckers.
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Me too. In the next paragraph (too long for the 100 word limit), I mention all the itching & scratching as Welcome to Welt City.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Another of Russell’s double delights. You never know what’s going to pop into his imagination. If you enjoyed this trip into hilarity, move up and to the right of this blog and click on one or both of the book covers. If you want’to help Russell further, reblog this post on your blog. Thanks. —- Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne. I hope your readers find it amusing.
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This proves the point (now made by me) that camping done right can be hazardous to your health. 😀 — Suzanne.
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One thing you can say for camping–it’s a sure way to end a drought. We can go for weeks without a drop of rain, but the minute you go camping you can expect a downpour.
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Hey, be nice.
As FF’s caring sharing anti-violence spokesperson I have to tell you this, and you can stick it on your bumper:
Mosquitoes are people too!
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It’s a comfort to know that you’re looking out for the health and well being of all potential victims of malice for our group. We already have a Grammar Nazi, and now Politeness Man as her sidekick.
Mosquitos may have to eat, but they can eat on something besides my flesh.
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When you throw enogh wet wood on the fire to creat enough smoke to suffocate you, the mosquitoes will go away. 🙂
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Funny you should say that. Several years ago and a buddy and I went fishing on the hottest day of the year. The mosquitos were so bad we built a fire and threw green weeds on it to create enough smoke to ward them off. If a boat had went by they would have said, “Hey, look at those two idiots standing over a smoky fire on the hottest day of the year.”
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As a serial camper, I can 100% relate to your tale! Where do they all appear from? The ones I hate the most are those that smuggle themselves inside the tent when you zip down for the night!
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We are really bad up near the Canadian border in late June. I can testify to that.
Where I live they usually attack around dusk.
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Maybe POTUS will build a wall up that end too?
I don’t know if Canadian mosquitoes are harder to keep out than Mexican immigrants, but I feel sure Mr Trump will have an opinion or three on that, as on everything else.
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Maybe we’ll just use netting at the Canadian border. Who knows, they may try to separate the baby mosquitos from the families too.
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camping is a mix and match event. smile, you have to take good with the bad. 🙂
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You’re right. I’ve had some fun times camping, but I always enjoy coming home to a hot shower and sleeping in my own bed.
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Camping – you’re leaning against an open door here. Blegh! And as far as bumper stickers go, I just googled some and decided I’ve had a sense of humour by-pass this last week. The only one that raised a smile (and not much of a one at that) was “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” See what I mean?
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I think my dog knows I’m a grumpy curmudgeon, but loves me anyway. The truth is 99.9% of people are kinder to their pets than they are to human family members.
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WE don’t really have bumper stickers in the UK – tired notices in the back window sometimes, like ‘Baby onboard’ etc, in case someone who was going to run you off the road changes their mind, cos of the baby and all 🙂
Bet you were all really tasty. Hope the mosquito clan are okay – send my regards
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It was a good meal, both for human and mosquito families. Even if you had a simple meal, mosquito family would have invited themselves. At least you had the satisfaction that you age well.
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Yes, there’s always something to be thankful for.
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My favourite bumper sticker so far is “Sorry for driving so close in front of you.” Passive-aggressive statements are totally my thing.
Being a mosquito magnet myself, I empathize with the prey of bloody mosquitoes.
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I like that one too, Magarisa.
I seem to be a mosquito magnet too. I found it interesting, that when we were near the Canadian border, the mosquitos left the locals alone and chose to dine on the “fresh meat” from down south.
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Like humans, mosquitoes also like some variety in their diet. 🙂
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It sucks to camp at those conditions, especially for the mosquitoes…
No bumper stickers in Sweden unless you live in the countryside and have a rusty car.
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We even have stickers here that look like bullet hole that you can stick on your car. I don’t get it, but I’ve seen several of them.
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Well-captured.
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Thank you, Lisa.
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Aaahh yes…camping. It was fun…then!
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Yes, THEN is the operative word.
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Absolutely!
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I saw a sticker once that was pasted to the back window of the car. It read, “I HATE bumper stickers.” Always made me wonder if the driver ever got stopped for having obstructed vision.
The only good thing I can say about the cold, snowy winters of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is that there aren’t any mosquitos or deer flies. ‘Course, only a Yeti would go camping in 40 degrees below zero weather, and the bugs don’t seem to bother them too much 🙂
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On our trip to the Canadian border, I notice the mosquitos much preferred us to the locals. I don’t know why, maybe they were just being overly friendly.
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It was new blood, Russell 🙂
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This is delightful, Russell! You’ve blended your unique sense of humor (and by unique, I mean… well, you know… ) with a really nice story that I really enjoyed. Our family camped from the time our kids were babes, until I blew out a knee, backpacking, a few years ago. I hope to do it with my 2 grandsons one day, but that’s a ways off, and I’m sure not getting younger! Nice story!
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My wife loves camping, and the mosquitos aren’t too bad around here except at dusk. I prefer to camp in the sping and fall when we have warm days and cool nights. Sitting around the campfire after supper is one of my favorite times.
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We sadly nothing have many bumper stickers in the UK, wish we did!
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camping is the best activity for fun.
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