What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Joys of Watching Moss
Since retiring, I’ve had to brush up on some of the skills I hadn’t used in a while. There’s always something to do around here and it’s really helps to be incompetent. If not, chances are I’ll be assigned more chores than I care to perform.
Being incompetent takes a lot of forethought and planning for most people, but for me, it just seems to come naturally. When I size up a task or project, I don’t even have to think about how to screw it up. It just happens. How’d I get to be so lucky?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the cat-herder who drives this clowder of 100-word authors is Jessie Chisholm Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
You know what I love best about being a professional moss watcher, Rochelle? It requires such a high level of focus and Zen-like concentration that I sometimes fall into a meditative trance. Has that ever happened to you?
More times than I can count, Sandra. Last week, I got so caught up in the action that pigeons mistook me for a statue. It took three days to get the white washed out of my hair, and girl at Belton Laundry refused to clean the last blouse I took in. Nowadays, you’ll never catch me watching moss without a hat.
36 Comments on “The Joys of Watching Moss”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Dear Cletus Hardway,
Judging from pictures of your projects on Facebook, I’m sure Connie’s got you figured out. Definitely not incompetentis mentus. Retirement doesn’t leave a lot of time for belly button lint gathering, does it?
Rochelle does mime a pretty good statue. 😉 And we all know a rolling moss gathers no stones. Now back to the herd. Hya, Tabby! Ho, Bucky! Onward, Garfield!
Shalom,
Jessie Chisholm W(T)F
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jessie Chisholm W(T)F,
You should know better than to believe everything you see on the internet. Pictures can easily be altered using tools like PhotoShop. That woman has spent a lifetime correcting my errors, and Lord knows, it’s been a thankless job.
I’d think you’d make a better garden gnome than a statue, but I guess it doesn’t matter to the pigeons.
Good luck with the laundry,
Cletus Hardway
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you try to convince us you are incompetent so’s Connie leaves you alone. Sorry, Chump. Ain’t gonna happen. ‘Sides, it’s what keeps ya young at heart!
As for the whole watching moss? I’ll leave it to the professionals. I’ve beams to jump off of!
LikeLiked by 1 person
(Please see my reply to Jessie Chisholm above.) I spent my entire work career faking it and having others pick up the slack for me. Turning simple matters into complex challenges is not as easy as I make it look.
You’re wise to leave the moss watching to professionals. It requires a lot of self-discipline and stamina–both of which I find in short supply.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! If you say so. Then again, you are a comedian so…
Sometimes I am. Wise, that is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Personally (it is so hard to be impersonal about matters close to the heart) I find moss watching an overly strenuous activity.
It requires eyes to be open.
I prefer to find a nice stone and listen to it grow.
I can do this for hours without a rest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
From what I understand, Stonehenge started out as a handful of gravels. It must have been terribly difficult for you to arrange them in a circle.
I admire your patience and persistence in nurturing them and listening as they grew into the structure we admire today.
LikeLike
Is that the wee place down in Englandshire?
Nah, I was more involved in the Skye Cuillin Munros:
https://www.westcoast-mountainguides.co.uk/courses/guide-skye-cuillin-munros/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved the idea of moss watching. I guess it’s what you graduate to after cloud watching and before mountain watching
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a nice outdoor activity, and a break from being inside all winter watching paint dry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Two more humorous stories for the sensible price of free. If you enjoyed this merriment, rise to the top of the post and click on one or both of the book covers on the right. You can also share by reblogging this post as I’ve done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Where’s the love button when you need to click it on WordPress?
Hopefully, your readers will enjoy an author who struggles with incompetence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure they will, Russell. I do. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Watching moss must be right up there with watching paint dry. Good stories, Russell. 🙂 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, I see you remember the paint drying story from my last book. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You don’t read a story like that too often. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
The meditative musings of a moss-watcher. Very Zen! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it’s even more mesmerizing than watching roses bloom so you can stop and smell them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
I had no idea you could do this professionally. Time for a career change I think!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know if you’re cut out for it, Iain. It takes a hardy soul (or perhaps fool-hardy) to stand up to the rigors of moss watching.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Watching moss grow and paint dry are admirable skills! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
As an artist, I can see how you’d be attracted to those skills. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Moss watching sounds like something I should try one of these days, I’ll make sure to wear a hat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
From what I hear, it’s a memorizing and addictive sport. A raincoat might not be a bad idea either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m totally with you in the incompetency stakes, after two major cock-ups with passport and ferry ticket this year, I’m off holiday duties completely. Need to work on the painting and decorating though.
Moss watching has always been dangerous, they should know better.
LikeLike
I suspect the moss watchers will band together soon and form a union.
We incompetents should do the the same.
LikeLike
Ha! Ha! A professional moss watcher! Is that like an Instagram Influencer?
I also hear that Kate Moss and Mick Jagger got together once thus disproving the old saying that a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
LikeLike
It certainly takes a lot of skill to screw up the simplest of tasks… do you teach any courses on that subject? I keep not screwing things up, and people are giving me more and more to do! I have no time left to watch moss. 😦
LikeLike
My brother in law is a Bryologist… I need to ask him about the issues with birds.
LikeLike
Watching moss may be a small half-step above watching paint dry. Goodness. You took us from the excitement of so many of today’s offerings right to the yucky reality of seagulls who have no respect for us humans who don’t belong on their beaches, anyway 🙂
LikeLike
Creative take on the prompt as always. Hmmm, I think my husband uses the “I don’t know how to do that” card a bit too often as well. But, at least you are good at it! =)
LikeLike
Good you learnt your lesson. Why did you decide to watch moss anyway, when beautiful view of the ocean was right infront?
LikeLike
Incompetency is an art. I find I’m perfecting it as I grow older. And the thing about pigeon poo? It damn well hurts when delivered from a dizzying height.
LikeLike
Where a hat…best advice this week!
LikeLike
You could have an entire 2nd career moss watching in the Pacific NW, darlin’! And no one here cares much about dry cleaning!
LikeLike