What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Karma Bites II
I learned a new word this week. Pentheraphobia is a fear of your mother-in-law. While I was never afraid of mine, I know people who cower at the mere mention of their mother-in-law’s name—and with good reason.
Mothers are a protective lot. Sometimes overly protective. If her Baby stops by, or calls to vent about a relationship problem with a spouse, whose side do you think Mommy is going to take?
The tension escalates when Baby’s spouse appears to be “a lazy, no good, worthless piece of horse dung.” To which the spouse responds by pointing out Mommy’s exceptional talent as “an overbearing, Nazi witch.” Now, the table is set for a long and resentful relationship.
Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our resident advice guru on Outlaw In-Laws is Jeanne Phillips Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Detective Lowry’s phone hadn’t stopped ringing since the release of the murder victim’s name. Confessions poured in. At first only ten people admitted to the crime, but that number had passed twenty-five and was still growing each day.
It seems everyone who’d encountered the old Scot wanted to see him get his just deserves. According to Medical Examiner Gayer, the causes of death were drowning, strangulation, blunt trauma, knife wounds, and gunshots, among other things.
“This man truly died a thousand deaths,” Gayer said.
“It could’ve been worse.” Lowry shook his head. “At least he wasn’t trampled by pink pachyderms.”
42 Comments on “Karma Bites II”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Nailer of a last line, Russell!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, C.E. A pink pachyderm never forgets.
LikeLike
Dear Medical Examiner Gayer,
Now you can’t pin this one on a single mime. She’s one of many who wanted to put an end to the rampaging Scot. I suspect that by the end of the week there will be another 25 or more confessions. Good luck solving that one Detective Lowry. (By the way, while you were investigating this crime, Shelley broke into your house and ripped off every do not remove tags. Eliza Jane isn’t much of a watch dog).
As it stands now I’ve received at least 50 Dear Abby letters, ranging from inquiries on how to remove blood stains from pink elephants to which poison works better, cyanide or arsenic. My editor’s pulling her hair out.
I understand the ME with a red nose. He keeps his patients entertained. I’ll end this blather now.
Shalom,
Jean Phillips W(T)F
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jeanne Phillips W(T)F,
Fortunately the dead are easily amused and don’t recoil at the sight of my nose.
You’re right about Liza Jane not being much of a watchdog. In fact, she probably helped turn over the cushions to ensure Shelley didn’t miss a single tag. With a little face-paint, she could become a canine mine (how I shudder at the thought!).
No need to thank me for the letters. I expect you’ll get more mail than Santa Claus. Of course, he only works one night a year.
Best regards,
Medical Examiner Gayer
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hah!
He thought he could escape to France, but AnElephant never forgets.
Or forgives.
AnElephant’s proboscis is surprisingly adept at strangulation.
I wouldn’t normally admit to this, but I know that no one reads this rubbish anyway.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, I suspected you’d return to the scene of the crime. Just wanted to get a few more kicks in on poor Mr. Ayr’s corpse, I suppose.
Well, you’re not going to jail, and I doubt there’s a circus who would have you (other than FFF).
You’re right, no one reads this rubbish anyway.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The mother-in-law did it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s ALWAYS a possibility.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It looks like poor Lowry has an embarrassing amount of suspects to choose from…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It would be easier just to count those who don’t confess.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the last line!!! Wondering if the old Scot hadn’t seen his share of pink elephants in his heyday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not only has he seen them, he is one.
LikeLike
What a great part II to Rochelle’s story! And I love that you brought in the pink elephant! Haven’t seen him in a long while. But we know the pachyderm, while pink, is a he… and the old Scot was definitely done in by a woman…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Whether mime or model female, it was most definitely a woman. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Rarely a week goes by when someone doesn’t meet their demise on his site–usually a woman. This was bound to happen sooner or later.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely. About time he gets done in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
he must have done something extraordinary to a lot of folks to be dispensed with in such fashion. i won’t be surprised if he qualifies for the guinness world of records. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it was the sheer volume of literary deaths that finally caught up with him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Popular kind of guy, huh? My heart bleeds for him. Well, maybe it seeps a little…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Maybe just a small drop or two…
I’m sure he appreciates the sympathy.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Two more FREE flash stories for you. If you enjoy this hilarity, just rise to the top of the blog and on the right click on one or both book covers. You can also reblog this post to spread the fun.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I’m flattered you thought it was worthy of reblogging. 🙂
LikeLike
I’m the best kind of mother-in-law, one who lives in another country whom you’ve never met. Just try nagging over email. It’s darn near impossible. —- Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for commenting on the mother-in-law intro, Suzanne.
Yes, nagging by email just isn’t the same. It lacks the vocal tones and body language that creates anger and tension. Maybe you could make a video?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s an idea as even Skype blunts the effect. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Poor CE. If the arsenic don’t get you the pachyderms will!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I hear the trampling of their hoof beats now.
LikeLike
How did Medical Examiner Gayer miss the pink pachyderm pounding he also received? Who hired this guy? We need Quincy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lowry usually hangs out with Detective Blockson, a large-nose Jewish guy from Philadelphia who can sniff out pink elephants wherever they hide. Quncy would be a downgrade from Blockson.
LikeLike
I imagine the confession count is in the hundreds by now! While you’re at it, add my name to the list!
My go at Friday Fictioneers!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You too? I’m shocked. You seem like such a peaceful sort.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He must have been an awful sort. Seems people were lining up to do him in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Devious might be an appropriate description. At least all his murders were or the literary sort. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
The old Scot appears to be much loved in the place he lived. With so many friends, he did not need an enemy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, he is pretty well thought of. It was fun making light of him and all his literary murders.
LikeLike
From ten to twenty-five, this guys deserved to be done in by a pack of pink pachyderms. Don’t think he was a good sort. Hey, maybe it was a pack of mother-in-laws?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mother-in-laws are definite suspects. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Medical Examiner Gayer,
Is there no upper limit to the number of causes for a single death? Not that the person has to be a single… well, you know what I mean.
Awaiting your expert response,
Mags
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Mags,
Generally, we try to pare down to a single cause for death certificate. This is an extraordinary case. I guess the best thing to do is put all the options in a hat and draw one for the records.
Thanks for asking,
Medical Examiner Gayer
LikeLiked by 1 person
The pink pachyderms would never do that. That was fun. Murder on the Fictioneers’ Express.
LikeLike
Yes, it was fun playing off Rochelle’s post. We had a lot of fun at the old Scot’s expense.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Russell,
Not sure what to say to all of this, except that the cheque is in the mail. I’ll bbe nice to you all and live to write another day.
Best wishes,
Rowena
LikeLike