What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Hand Me My Top Hat
Rubber boots and slickers are standard daily attire in my neck of the woods these days. It seems we’re in the middle of a winter monsoon, and I’m wondering if I should’ve started building an ark months ago.
Connie asked me yesterday about the snakes. Did they crawl from their dens and seek higher ground? I assured her they’ve sought refuge in our wood pile and probably the warm, dry confines of the building she converted into her arts & crafts studio.
I doubt she found any consolation in my words of comfort. After all, she’s afraid of snakes and wouldn’t welcome any on the ark.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the slippery serpent of Belton, who dangles a tempting apple from her pool of photo prompts each week, is Roshanna Weeble Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Blockson stared out the unlocked back door, the likely escape route of Le Petite Velouse. Dusting for prints would be a waste of time.
The furniture, pillows, and mattress had all been freed from their Do-Not-Remove tags in some twisted act of ritual cleansing.
Her standard M.O. followed to the letter—a dirty bowl in the sink, an empty bran cereal box, and her trademark smudge of white face paint tarnished the mirror above a naked mannequin head.
This time she’d taken something valuable. The beaver-fur top hat worn by Harpo Marx in Duck Soup.
Too bad Lowry wasn’t here.
32 Comments on “Hand Me My Top Hat”
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What's So Funny? 
LS Lowry?
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No, but I research L.S. Lowry and found him to be an interesting man. Too bad he had such an awful childhood, and apparently a sad and tortured life.
The Lowry in my tale is Detective Colton Lowry of the Belton, Missouri police force. The villian is the evil mime, Le Petite Velouse (based entirely on our FFF Fairy Blogmother). When the book is finished, I hope to launch it in the town of Belton to make the residents aware of the danger that lurks in their sleepy little hamlet.
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Ah, I wondered who Lowry was too! Nice one, Russell.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan. I commented on your story as well, but couldn’t tell if it took after I clicked “Post.”
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Dear Cyrano Blockson,
You can ask Harpo, but he’s not talking, neither is Le Petite Velouse. Invisible boxes hide no tails. It’s all white here in Belton, ie the snow cometh from the sky in huge flakes. Have a quality day…buahahahahah.
Shalom,
Roshanna Weeble W(T)F
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Dear Roshanna Weeble W(T)F,
We’re not expecting a confession from either of them. Lowry should be able to squeeze something out of Shelley Kohlen, but with a last name like that, no one can predict what it may be.
You can keep the ice and snow. It’s stopped raining here–at least for the moment.
Cryano Blockson
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Foul fiend running off with Harpo’s hat! The Mattress and Pillow Police will undoubtedly be called in for consultation. At least there wasn’t a snake in the sink. 😀
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Good point about the snake, Morgaine. Recovering Harpo’s hat is high on their list. They know who did the crime, but getting a mime to confess is a difficult task.
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Gah! Snakes! Hate the critters, and I don’t care how helpful they are eating mice and such. Ew. Shudder.
Okay, I feel better now. Fun story, as usual. Always nice to see your red-nosed face 🙂
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Thanks, Linda. I’m trying to finish the book and blogging eats up a lot of writing time. Therefore, I’ve become a once-a-month blogger.
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I should probably do the same. I need to get my groove back. Wrote 60,000 words in November, zilch since then.
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Harpo’s hat – a step too far surely!
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Exactly! Now she’s crossed the line.
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I can’t say I’d be any happier than Connie to worry those slivery varments can be lurking in her workshop!
As for Le Petite Velouse… Blockson needs to find Lowry (not that he has been successful thus far…)
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Unfortunately, Lowry has been suspended from the force (temporarily, we hope). Blockson was his partner. I suspect they will be reunited and put an end to this Mime Wave once and for all.
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Good luck with that!
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Ugh critters in the house… I think I might go wash the dishes now. 😀
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Be careful when you open the pantry door. We once found a snake in ours (summer time).
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Oh fun!
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Velouse is an interesting word, here it means a bicycle (vélo) built in Toulouse.
Go figure.
And, admittedly from a standpoint of empirical ignorance, I think that ‘Petite Velouse’ should be preceded by the definite article ‘La’ rather than ‘Le’.
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Interesting. What I was going for was a French expression meaning “The Little Thief”
I was hoping the Canuck would guide me in the right direction, but you know how those Canadians are.
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Rire (Laughing).
La Petite Voleuse, that makes more sense!
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Teehee! I love the voice you use for this story, Russell.
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Thank you, Penny.
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I can imagine getting a statement from the poor victim. “Where did you last see your beaver skin top hat?” “Honk.”
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I chuckled out loud at your comment, Trent. That would be just like Harpo.
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welcome back, sir. i truly enjoy reading your stuff. 🙂
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Thank you for the kind words. I’ve missed you guys too.
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Some thieves have no boundaries! Another fun tale, my friend.
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Only invisible ones.
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Fun story! 🙂
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