Road Trip

Posted on July 1, 2020 by

37 Comments

Here in the South, the temperature is rising faster than the boiling blood of an angry bovine who’s just been teased with a red handkerchief. Since we don’t live on a paved road, Connie had to cook our bacon and eggs this morning on the hood of our car.

It’s gotten so dry that the Baptists are sprinkling, and the Methodists are using a damp washcloth for baptismal services. The good news is I’ll soon have a picking of sun-dried tomatoes straight from the vine.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the cat-wrangler who runs this outfit is Bombalurina Hairball Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Na’ama Yehudah

 

Dear Shelley, and my new best friend, Jan
Thanks for coming to visit me. It was a pleasure meeting you.
The portrait you painted of me was absolutely gorgeous. Dad says you have a degree from Walla Walla Bing Bang Art Institute. I have a variety of adorable poses if you decide to create a series for display at Crystal Bridges Museum.
Dad also warned me about your penchant for DNR* tags, so I slept with one eye open while you were here.
Please come again soon. I only get lamb when we have Jewish visitors.
Licks and slobbers,
Liza Jane

*Do-Not-Remove Under Penalty of Law

Category: humor

37 Comments on “Road Trip”

  5. Great story, Russell. The Queen said she got to visit you folks. Glad to know it went well. Rochelle fell in love with Liza Jane. But, those DNR tags … the mattress police are STILL trying to locate me. Needless to say, I never answer my phone.

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  6. Dear Liza Jane,

    What a pleasure it was to finally meet you in flesh! You were and still are the tug-o-war champeen. My lap has finally returned to normal. Tell your butler and maid we appreciated them. My compliments to the lamb chef. I’ll have to think about a Liza Jane series. You do assume some intriguing poses. Tell your mommy she makes a mean omelette. I hope we can all get together again soon.

    Shalom,

    Shelley Bombalurina W(T)F

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    • Dear Shelley Bombalurina W(T)F,

      Thanks for playing tug-o-war with me. I hope it didn’t pull your bones out of socket. You do have a comfortable lap, though it’s not near as soft and cushy as Dad’s. Maybe you should drink more beer (like he does).

      Glad you enjoyed the lamb, and thanks for being Jewish or might not ever got the opportunity to try it. 🙂

      BTW – my tennis ball rolled under the couch. Would you mind getting it for me?

      Come see me again soon,
      Liza Jane

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  8. Great “story”, Liza Jane. I’m sure you are the center of attention whenever guests come to visit you (and happen to see your mom and dad as well). Love your portrait by Ms. W(T)F.

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  12. Hard to decide which was funnier–the prelude or the main course :). I love “The Baptists are sprinkling and the. Methodists are using a damp washcloth for baptisms.”

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    • You may have seen the photo on Facebook of Liza Jane on Rochelle’s lap. They made fast friends and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Too bad they live 4 hours away.

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  15. Dogs, or any pet for that matter, have a way of getting us to create scenarios of them expressing their thoughts with speech. I thought it was just me. Liza Jane is a classy little southern bell.
    Polite, well-mannered, and adorable … thanks for the smiles, Russell. You shed a bright light of laughter.
    Be safe … Be Healthy … Be Happy
    Isadora 😎

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  16. What a wonderful letter, Liza Jane! I can tell you Rochelle hasn’t stop talking about you since their return.
    I heard tell I almost got to zoom in with ya’all but was at work – tarnation!
    Maybe next time!

    Liked by 1 person

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