Russell Gayer, author speaker
For those of us in the United States, yesterday was an important day. Grown men wearing top hats yanked a large rodent from its burrow and proclaimed Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. I wish they’d pick a name that’s easier to pronounce. How about Punxsutawney Neil, or Punxsutawney Linda, or Punxsutawney Sacagawea?
And what’s up with the letters “PH” sounding like an “F?” It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. To prove my point, “H” even teams with “G” sometimes to make an “F” sound, as in EnouGH of this Phoolishness. What are they trying to do, kick “F” out of the alphabet?
Here’s your assignment. In the comments, change any word spelled with an “F” to “PH” or “GH” and words spelled with those letters to an “F.” Here’s an example: Who’s Aphraid ough Virginia Woulgh?
If you’re new to Phriday Phlash Phiction, the Phractured Phreda who runs this program is Fyllis Dilla Wisough-Phields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the Ph.Ph.Ph. Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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Phew can be bothered with these antics
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Phunny stuph, Russell. Someone was going back to the principal’s office. 😀 — Suzanne
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Naw, not this time. The tattler was too busy ratting on someone else.
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Dear Punxsutawney Neil,
Let’s just be thankful it was only a Yellow Sea instead of a darker color.
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Had to lauff…
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Great. You don’t know how hard I worked to try and be phunny.
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Yep, it ain’t easy being the town’s ghool. Or the town’s ghoul, for that matter…
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PHoolish child – they’re bound to guess it was him!
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Naw, It could have been anybody. Witnesses were threatened to be phlushed.
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Such a temptation ghor a young boy, Russell. They’d better call the caretaker bephore things get out ough hand.
We have Wiarton Willie up here; but really we’re all waiting to see iph Doug Ghord sees his shadow today, or iph it’s 6 more weeks in lockdown.
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Well Jen, let’s hope Doug Ghord didn’t see his shadow and there’s only 2 more weeks of lockdown.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
If you enjoy this hilarity, swim to the top right side of the blog and click on one or both of the book covers for more of it. You can also reblog this post as I’ve done.
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That was sweet of you, Suzanne. Glad this one tickled your phunny bone.
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What is it with boys and their toilet humour? A-Ha, managed a comment without a ph sound!
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Yes, and we’re going to have to send you to the principal for phailing to phallow instructions. No cake and ice cream for you today, Iain.
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Oh phiddlesticks!
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Atta boy. Okay, maybe a little cake.
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Dear Punxsutawney Phlush,
I knew this particular prompt would be your phorte. Why do I get the pheeling this story is true? Splish Splash and plop plop phizz phizz. Thank you phor making a special appearance. I’m relieved. Oops.
Shalom,
Fillis Dilla W(T)Ph
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Dear Fyllis Dilla W(T)Ph,
Glad you enjoyed it. Another title could have been “Phun With F Words.” The story is mostly true and can be phound in “One Idiot Short of a Village” under the title, “The Backside of Learning.”
I happy you’re relieved and sincerely hope you did so in the bathroom rather than the sofa.
Give my love to Phang,
Punxsutawney Phlush
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Phor crying out loud! This is too phunny! 😀
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Glad it gave you a chuckle or two, Morgaine. Here at What’s So Phunny, we try to give the best value for your humor dollar, pound, euro, etc.
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it must be fun while it lasted. 🙂
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I hate to tell you this, Plaridel, but you misspelled phun.
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An incorrigible and very phunny kid.
And I do NOT want a phat rodent named Linda!
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What? I thought you’d be phlattered? The rodent is not phat. She’s just ghurry and very cuddly. 🙂
Not only that, she can predict the weather. How many other rodents can do that?
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Beats me :). Anyway Punxatawney Phil is alliterative–almost– and ddPunxatawney Linda just isn’t very harmonious 🙂
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Oh to be a ten year old again, great ghun.
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Ah, yes. The carephree days of youth.
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I had to get help ghrom a ghriend here, Russell.
AnElefantCant believe he’s invited
To be involved in all this tomphoolery
Since time immemorial
He avoids humour lavatorial
When each ghlush has an ephghect quite undulary
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Nice poem, C.E. Just think of all the toy Egyptians who drowned in the Yellow Sea.
I knew you’d like that part.
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My vote is Punxsutawney Sacagawea. I homeschooled my kids (we lived overseas) when they were little and I taught them fonetics. Nightmare!! This letter says this, except when it DOESN’T!! Phrankly, it was ghrustrating and drove me nutty as a phruitcake! I still haven’t phully recovered. (Few, that was phun!)
For your story, yuck to the yellow sea (haha), but haven’t we all had this happen at one time or another. Love the last line!
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Thanks, Brenda. Fonetics was ridiculous. Who needs rules that only apply occasionally?
As for the Yellow Sea, it really wasn’t that yellow. 🙂
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Very amusing, Russell. It reminded me a phair bit ogh my school days and particualrly the urge that schoolboys have to succumb to. Sometimes, whatever the punishment phreat, phings have to be done.
Did I get the letters in the right places?
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You did all right, Michael, except on threat and things. Neither of those contain an F, but I still got the dright of what you were saying.
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Fank you
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