What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Dressing Room
Recently, a friend of mine referred to a mutual acquaintance as “one sharp cookie.” I know he meant this as a compliment to her intelligence, but the visual image that flashed in my head featured shards of glass and razor blades stuffed discreetly inside a round confection. While she is a sweet person, I’m not sure she’d like to be called a “cookie”—unless of course, that was her actual name.
Speaking of compliments, a good buddy of mine once told me I was “sharp as a marble.” Naturally, I was flattered. Who wouldn’t be? Everyone knows marbles are perfect spheres, smooth and polished, with no sharp edges. Even if you swallow one, it’ll pass right through, slickernshit.
What was the best compliment you ever received?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the lady who runs this show (and does Geritol commercials on the side) is Betty “Snarky” White Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – Liz Young
“Have you been to the J. Jill store at Fashion Valley lately?” Mallory tucked a blonde lock behind her ear.
“No.” Raven blew a pink bubble and popped it. “Do they have any cute clothes for fall?”
“Totally. But the changing rooms, they like—barfed me out.”
“Really? How so?”
“For one thing, no hooks to hang your clothes. But what’s worse, the walls are made of glass. Ugggh . . . I was down to my thong when I saw people watching me. I literally died!”
“That’s grody to the max.” Raven popped another bubble. “So, what’d ya buy?”
42 Comments on “The Dressing Room”
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What's So Funny? 
Sharp as marble, eh? That’s, uhhh, quite the compliment… uh huh. yeah. I always did wonder where the hell someone got the idea that a cookie is sharp. I mean, depending on the type, cookies out of the oven are rather soft instead of hard. And what’s the difference between being a sharp cookie and a smart one? You have now caused me to question and Google! And with all that, I can’t even remember the last half-decent compliment I received…
As for your story, I think I heard the girls, cracking their gum, walk past me still complaining about the barfy, gross changing rooms.
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I’m sure a lovely lady like you gets compliments all the time. You’re probably just too modest to share them with us.
As for the girls, Mallory’s deck is missing a couple of cards.
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Oh shucks. You’re just too darn sweet.
Yeah, she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…
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I’m betting the answer to the question is “curtains”
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Maybe so, but I’m afraid our girl isn’t smart enough to know a glass evelator from a changing room.
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HAHAHA! Oh, dear. Mallory is seven sandwiches short of a picnic.
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You’re right. Clueless in California.
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Sounds like a tasteless and tacky conversation, bubblegum pink, perhaps? LOL – definitely captured the notion of being rather dim-witted and totally self-absorbed!
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Yep. True valley girls to the core.
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roflmbo 😂 now I’ve got Zappa’s song bouncing about in my head!
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Dear Abe V’Grodah,
Raven and Mallory sound like a couple of charmers. I can hear Raven’s gum snapping which makes me want her to pop a big one all over her face. Something tells me the onlookers outside of the dressing room were equally grossed out. 😉
BTW, one of my father’s favorite expressions was “sharp as a matzo ball.” And yes, he did use it on me more than once.
Good to see you in the Hollywood Squares,
Shalom,
Betty (ever so) Snarky White W(T)F
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Dear Betty (ever so) Snarky White W(T)F,
I don’t know if those watching Mallory try on clothes in a glass elevator were grossed out or just apalled at her ignorance, but either way it made for interesting conversation later that evening.
Sorry to hear about the matzo ball remark. Sure, they’re round, but rather lumpy. Not shiny and smooth like us marbles. Does a matzo ball pass on through slickernshit? Asking for a friend.
Abe V’Grodah
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I rather like matzo balls, but while they can be as heavy and hard as canon balls when made by the wrong cook, they’re certainly not sharp. 😉 As for your question, tell you “friend” that also depends on the cook.
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Different. Funny.
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Hooray! I succeeded.
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That was hilarious. One of these days someone will explain glass elevators to them.
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Possibly. But I’m afraid the concept will fly right over their heads.
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So… Raven is now speaking to a ghost (I literally died.) Awesome channeling there, Russell. 🤣
P/S Oh how I’ve missed your wonderful names for Rochelle 😁👍
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Lyn,
When Fun Guy doesn’t turn up I wander namelessly. 😉
Shalom,
Betty
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🤣🤣
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Thank you, Lyn. Those poor valley girls die a thousand deaths.
It actually takes more time to come up with names for Whats-her-face than it does to write the story.
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But you never disappoint 😁
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Hmmm… best compliment? I’d have to say it was when someone compares my writing to a famous author… Like Stephen King, or Thomas Jefferson, or…well, the list is endless. It is kind of neat to be compared so, though. Loved your story…. I can picture this immensely obese person in a thong in a glass changing room. Sorry, that sounds prejudicial, but the image is now there… I’m going to have to find a way to replace it now, thanks!
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My writing has been compared to that of prehistoric chickens pecking out cartoon drawings on cave walls. Unfortunately, none of those poor chickens are here to defend themselves.
I hate it when I get an unslightly image burned in my brain with no way to erase it. Try putting some lime in the coconut and call me in the morning.
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hehe! Funny man!
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Well, I guess if we really want complete transparency, we’re going to have to put up with glass dressing rooms 🙂
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But first we have to get rid of that dense mass between Mallory’s ears. I’m amazed she didn’t push one of the buttons and come out in the basement.
Superman used to change in a phone booth. Now that those are obsolete, he’s going to have to crowd into the glass evelator with Mallory.
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Yeah, but he didn’t strip down to his thong. He wore that on the OUTSIDE of his blue tights 🙂
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Well, you’ve got me there, Linda.
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It says it all that they thought it was a glass-walled changing room, but went ahead with trying the clothes on anyway!
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Once she was down to the thong, there was no point in turning back.
Like Raven, I wonder what she bought.
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Changing floors not changing rooms! Nice one Russell.
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Thanks, Keith.
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she should take it as a compliment. i went to a nudist beach once and got disappointed seeing many folks who didn’t deserve to be there. they should be hiding more than showing stuff. 🙂
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I’ve heard the same from others who’ve visited a nude beach.
I think you should write a story about it. 🙂
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good suggestion. i worry about political correctness, though.
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They may be rather foolish, but I feel sure Mallory and Raven are good-hearted girls. I chortled at the line, ‘I literally died’.
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I think they’re good kids too. Poor Mallory isn’t very bright and Raven appeared more concerned about the clothing than Mallory’s public exposure.
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“Cute as a bug’s ear” or “Pretty as a peacock” are compliments my Granny used to say.
I could hear the bubble gum bopping, and you got the dialogue just right (at least from what I know of teenage speak – haha). That sounds like an embarrassing moment easily forgotten by her purchases. Very amusing, Russell!
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Thanks, Brenda. I’ve always wondered about the “bug’s ear” compliment. I’ll have to get a magnifying glass and examine a few bugs. Ears are not something I’d normally associate with the word “cute.” It makes me wonder about the history of that idiom and why/how it became popular.
As for the girls, it will take more than an embarassing incidenct to interupt their fun at the mall.
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Interesting food for thought, Russell 😊 I’ll have to pay more attention to any compliments I receive in the future, lol.
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Wow, how nice of you to drop by, Madison. Thanks for commenting. Hope everything is going well in your neck of the woods.
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