What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Dirty Business
The other day I decided to purge some old files from my computer. Right-clicking on the unwanted files, I selected “move to trash” from the dropdown menu. Soon the mini dumpster in the bottom corner of my screen was overflowing with electronic garbage, so I clicked the “empty trash” button.
I have no idea where these trashed files go, but it stands to reason they wind up in an electronic landfill somewhere in cyberspace. Once there, they join the millions of decaying spam emails and rotting recipes for failed fruitcake. The stench is so overwhelming the cyber maggots must wear tiny nose clips.
According to the geeks at Tom’s Thumb Drives, the rising effluvia is creating a nebula of smog and threatening to choke the giant storage repository known as “The Cloud.” If that happens, we’re all in for a cyber storm of epic proportions. Better keep an umbrella and raincoat handy.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the tiny entrepreneur who is wanted for income tax evasion in seven galaxies is Marva the Martian Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Arriving at the police station, Lowry helped Shelley from the car and led her down a long, dimly lit hallway.
They stopped in front of a desk where a burly uniformed officer peered over his glasses at a computer screen. He looked up, studied Shelley from head to toe, and flashed a sly grin.
“It’s about time you brought one in decked out in full mime regalia. What did this one do Lowry, get into a yelling match with a parking meter?”
“Nah, even worse,” Lowry deadpanned. “She was arguing with a statue over who could collect the most pigeons.”
41 Comments on “Dirty Business”
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What's So Funny? 
Russell! Haven’t seen you for a while. I hope all’s well.
Your characters gave me a giggle after a couple of heavy stories so thank you. I want to know though – who won?
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Glad it gave you a giggle. Shelley (aka Rochelle) won. The bad news is all the dry cleaners in Belton are refusing to clean her mime costume now that it’s saturated in Pigeon poo.
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Interesting story 🙂
Imagine if someone had filmed her conversation with the statue! Would be a viral video 🙂
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Since she’s a mime, it would’ve hand gestures and body language. The statues response would’ve been really funny.
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Eh, the statue’s gestures are stiff and his expression is stony.
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He’s probably still got enough mobility to flex his middle finger.
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You don’t stop by often, but when you do, you make it worth our while! I don’t even what to think of the repercussions of that cyber storm.
As for poor Shelley… that is most unfortunate!
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Yes, a cyber storm of junk messages and scammer attempts would get ugly and pile up fast.
As for Shelley, she’ll wiggle her way out of trouble. She’s quite resilient.
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Best to keep some sort of cover!
And she is, isn’t she?
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Dear Adam Up,
Shelley’s due for a new outfit anyway. Something with style and vertical stripes to make her look taller. A statue is hard to win an argument with. It’s difficult to penetrate that stony expression. I notice Lowry still didn’t catch her with the invisible box or DNR tags. Coises foiled again.
I admit I laughed until I stopped.
Shalom,
Marva the Martian W(T)F
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Dear Marva the Martian W(T)F,
Sooner or later a prompt will come along where the recovery of the invisible box and stolen DNR tags is an appropriate fit. However, we both know Shelley does not learn her lesson. There’ll be more hijinx in the future.
Enjoy your snow day,
Adam Up
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Pigeons may be the least of her worries now
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Exactly. Thanks for reading & commenting, Neil.
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That Lowry is hilarious! BTW, I bought two new pillows last week and was afraid to remove the DNR tags lest several mimes show up at my door.
I don’t trust The Cloud. I store my files under the sea. And I shred files I no longer need.
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As long as you remove the tags yourself you won’t have to worry about mimes stealing them. However, if you have any bran cereal in the cupboard there’s always a chance one might break in and eat the entire box. She is, after all, a cereal killer.
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😀
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Fun read. I suppose the statue won that argument, for now. 🙂
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The mime can be pretty convincing, and having a body temperature is inviting for the birds.
Glad you enjoyed the excerpt from Criminal Mimes.
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These mime artists – whole heap of trouble. 🙂
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Yes Sandra, it’s always something–especially with this troublesome little mime.
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She’d be well advised to wear a white costume methinks!
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Well, it’s black & white horizonal stripes. But I’m sure she got pigeon poo on her pretty purple beret.
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Was her name Karen?
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That was the statue’s name. 🙂
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🙂
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Best go and bring in her brother Percy, he has been talking to Skylarks.
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Ah, Percy. Yes, I wondered what he’d been up to.
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I hope Shelley didn’t win the pigeon collecting contest, poor woman. And I love the idea of the cyber maggots. Good to see you around again.
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Thought I’d drop in and stir things up. I assume the cyber maggots will soon turn into cyber flies. Yuk!
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i’m no lawyer, but in the situation she finds herself in, i believe, she has the right to silence. 🙂
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She’s about to get a lawyer, but he’s more interested in trading his services for her classic Volkswagen Rabit. Don’t worry about her talking. At least not as long as she’s in full regalia.
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Let’s hope Shelley is careful who she picks arguments with from now on, and checks who might be looking. And I never did trust The Cloud. Enjoyed your story and intro immensely btw.
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Thanks, Margaret. I’ve tried to have a civil discussion with some people who responded like statues. At least we didn’t attract pigeons. 🙂
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Entertaining as always, Russell!
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Thanks Brenda. That’s the goal. Glad it worked for you.
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Who doesn’t celebrate the existence of somebody who argues with a statue? And maggots sporting tiny nose clips in your preamble – love it all.
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Ah, thanks Jilly. I’ll give you 30 minutes to stop saying nice things like that. 🙂
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What fun! So nice to have you back in FF. Your mime stories are hilarious.
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Thanks, Penny. I finally finished the novel. It took several years, but at least I know what happened to the mime. Perhaps I’ll share more of the story in future posts.
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I think I enjoyed your intro at least as much as the story! My husband was sharing something he read online about the zillions of zetabytes of digital data that are stored. . . .. somewhere. . . .I couldn’t follow it all. But it seems the CLOUD may be running out of space 🙂
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They say the Cloud is secure, but nothing is secure from hackers. I’m sure there’s a lot of decomposing SPAM in there that will cause quite a stink at some point in time.
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