What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Semi-Suite
The topic of today’s intro is nicknames. I’ve had several thrust upon me over the past sixty years and I’m sure most of you have been suited with a fitting sobriquet as well. My dad was notorious for coining nicknames. One of my favorites was the renaming of a small creek on the Hancock farm, which Dad promptly dubbed, Footpussy River.
My father was so well known by his nickname that county officials named our street Pug Gayer Road.
However, I challenge the Guinness World Records to find anyone who’s worn more nicknames than “What’s-Her-Name,” the illustrious leader of Friday Flash Fiction. If you scroll through my blog posts over the past ten-plus years, you’ll notice she’s worn over two hundred monikers—and counting.
Now, it’s your turn to play along. In the comment section, share a favorite nickname for yourself, a friend, a loved one, or someone you truly despise.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Picasso of Pet Portraits is Michelle Angelo Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
A female officer, who reeked of cigarette smoke, led Shelley to an open washroom.
“You’ll find a towel, washcloth, and bar of soap over there.” The cop, whom Shelley had decided to name Piggy Le Pew, pointed to a small bench in the corner.
“Get undressed and clean yourself up. When I come back, I want to see all that makeup gone. Understand? We don’t want any white face paint rubbing off on your new orange jumpsuit.”
Shelley sniffed the soap. It smelled like insecticide. But what did it matter? It’s not like I’m going to the senior prom tonight.
21 Comments on “The Semi-Suite”
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What's So Funny? 
The “new orange jumpsuit” comment was quite menacing
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Orange is new black they say. She may have to ditch the purple beret and find one that coordintes with her new outfit.
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I love how you have continued your story from last time… Poor Shelley. Things are not looking too good.
My nicknames are pretty boring. A select few still call me Rog. Oh wait. In high school, I was called Olive Oyle… back in the day when I was skinny… 😉
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No, unfortunately Shelley won’t serve as queen at this year’s “Senior” prom.
One of our friends nicknamed Connie “Big Mama” when she was nine months pregnant with Greta. I still affectionately use that title when addressing her in a playful manner.
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I guess I must be boring; no nicknames. And the nickname I have for the truly-despised are too profane to write here. 😉
I have a feeling Shelley will come up with an ingenious escape plan!
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Wow, it must really be profane. How about Henri? I bet he has nicknames for some of the animals in your neighborhood.
Sorry. No spoiler on what’s to become of Shelley. Hopefully, the novel will be published someday and I want to keep readers in suspense until then.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
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A new jump suit, what happened to the old one? Clearly, Shelly’s stay is going to be an interesting one, I hope there are chains.
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They’re keeping the chains hidden until after the mental evaluation.
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Dear Crusty, the dog butler,
Over 200 nicknames? I should’ve been keeping score. Of course these don’t include many nicknames I’ve had since school, beginning in kindergarten with “Small Fry” (from the other kindergarteners, no less!) Shelley was one, Rodie (my dad), Rosey (my scout leader), Roach (high school…a double entendre 😉 ) And Rocky (at work). Short stuff, Shorty, and a host of others that are eluding me. I’m sure my brother had a few.
Orange has never been my color. But wait, does it have a DNR tag? Prison might not be so bad after all. I guess you or Dale will have to herd the FF cats. Good luck with that.
Shalom,
Michelle Angelo W(T)F
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Dear Pee Wee & The Hermits W(T)F,
I’m appalled that anyone would stoop so low as to make detrimental comments about your height (or lack thereof). Such jabs are so easy even I can do it.
But we do need to get a photo of you and Dale standing side by side. Why don’t you sell a few pet portraits and buy her train fare to KC? (A one-way ticket, of course.) I’d be happy to drive up and snap the photo.
There may be some DNR tags left on the prison clothing & bedding, but I wouldn’t recommend touching them without rubber gloves and Lysol.
Crusty, the dog butler
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And I didn’t even think about what they used to do to my last name…Wisoff. Whizzo-wee was one back in the days of Whizzo the clown. He was a Kansas City Star so you might not remember him. Of course my favorite was one pinned on me by my Social Studies teacher…”Wise-Off” I wonder why?
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Interesting plot to this story. I wish I knew more. Well done.
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It’s a snippet from my unpublished novel, Criminal Mimes.
Shelley is the antagonist and she’s just been arrested and booked.
Where’s your nickname?
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Intriguing! There’s a lot more to Shelley’s story. For my nicknames, my maiden name was “Wear” so of course high school classmates thought names like “tupper” was funny. 🙂 Growing up, I had so many nicknames. My family enjoyed nicknames especially my dad. There was Bender, Hessie, Liebchin (by my grandfather)… As an older adult, some of my Mongolian friends started calling me “tomeej” in their language. When I asked what it meant, I was told “Big Mama” and I was taken aback. Another friend rushed in and said, “It really means ‘Mother to all’ and I could accept that (haha).
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Growing up with the last name Gayer wasn’t easy either. It was worse for my kids than it was for me. Everyone always wants to know, “Gayer than who?”
I really like “Mother to all” What a sweet compliment.
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So sorry about the nickname you and your kids grew up with. Other kids are really strange, unless they’re taught by their parents not to be or to be more sensitive. Even then … Hope you have a nice week ahead! 🙂
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Orange jumpsuit, no white makeup – they’ve really taken away her dignity in that place. I hope she survives. I like Piggy Le Pew. That’s funny. I have only one very boring nickname. My maiden name was Jones and my husband calls me Jonesey. Always has. He has better nicknames for our neighbours. We have the professor, Fergie and Francine Feral, and The Western Front (That’s a family who have the loudest, angriest arguments I’ve ever heard.) We’ve lived near a few Gyro Gearloose characters too – men with sheds – always hammering.
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What a hoot. I love all those nicknames. I think I would get along quite nicely with your husband.
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I’ll go with cutie pie. 😀
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That seems appropriate. Thanks for visiting & following my blog.
I have tried to sign up to follow yours, but am having some difficulties with my WordPress account. Hopefully, I’ll get that straightened out soon.
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No worries!
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