What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Ring Around the Ankle
Lately, I’ve been feeling left out when listening to the conversation of friends my age and older. Most of them have some kind of aliment or medical condition they can ramble on about for hours. The only thing I had was an occasional flare-up of gout, which while extremely painful, was barely enough to rate an eyeroll among a crowd of suffering seniors.
The Good Lord must’ve taken notice of my silence on the sidelines. A few weeks ago, I noticed a tenderness under my right knee cap. The pain continued to grow, followed by inflammation. A visit to the orthopedic clinic revealed I had cracks in my meniscus (how’s that for medical terminology?). On Monday, I underwent arthroscopic surgery and now have no trouble holding my own when the subject of medical maladies pops up in conversation. Boy, am I lucky or what?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the fastest moving feet in Belton, MO is Runny Babbit Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Outside the courtroom, Henderson spun Shelley around to face him. “What were you doing in there? Trying to get ten days for contempt?” Shaking his head, he grumbled, “I ought to knock two thousand off my offer for the car.”
“Too late.” Shelley handed him the envelope. “You’ve already written the check. Here’s the title. Now, go jump in your little Rabbit and hop, hop, hop all over town.”
She squeaked a pirouette in her purple PF Flyers and skipped down the hall into the waiting arms of Officer LePew, who fitted Shelley with her very own custom ankle monitor.
32 Comments on “Ring Around the Ankle”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Shoeless Kneecap,
Ooh, I hope that ankle ring is purple to match Shelley’s shoes. I’m looking forward to OWL when you can show off your surgery scars. I had arthroscopic surgery for the torn meniscus a few years back. A few months after that I tore my calf muscle. All that to learn that I’m a total washout when it comes to using crutches. I suppose there are worse things. I became pretty adept at wheelchair racing around stores. No doubt I got sympathetic glances from those thinking “Poor old crippled lady.” Little did they know. 😉 Hope you’re back into your Buster Brown’s soon. I’m sure Liza Jane misses her racing buddy.
As for Shelley’s car…the clutch is slipping. She’s a die-hard standard transmission driver.
Shalom,
Runny Babbit W(T)F
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Dear Runny Babbit W(T)F,
Boy, it’s hard to get one up on you–but then again you ARE older than me. I can just see you wheelchair racing, probably had some great sponsors such as Geritol and Exlax, with large signs on the back and sides of the wheelchair and cute little purple coveralls for the driver.
What Liza really misses is having me writher on the floor and rake her tennis balls from beneath the couch. Connie will get them for her, but it’s just not the same as seeing me sprawling on the floor with Gracie nibbling my ears.
Do they make wheelchairs with a standard transmission? You should check that out.
Shoeless Kneecap
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You can’t keep some people down, Russell. Applies to your character, but hopefully also to you. Sending healing thoughts for a speedy recovery (but not so speedy that you miss out on those fun conversations!) your way.
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Thanks. I plan to milk those conversations for all their worth–even after I’m fully recovered. Occasionally, I still bring up my back surgery from 20+ years ago.
Shelley may go into remission, but she’ll never fully recover. She’ll be back stealing Do-Not-Remove tags from people’s furniture and throw pillows in no time.
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I suspect much of that went over my head
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Well, that happens sometimes with snippets from a longer story. I had a fractured fairy tale written about The Three Blind Mice, but it didn’t go well with the prompt. Hopefully, I’ll get to use it soon.
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Being among the older members of this select group, I’m sure I could out-talk you on obscure ailments. But I won’t – I’d rather leave you guessing.
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Thanks, Liz. I appreciate you sparing me the details. My neighbor goes to great length to describe things oozing from her wounds. Let’s talk about the weather. A tornado passed through our area yesterday, but the sky is a beautiful shade of blue this morning.
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Sending healing energy to you! I hope you are feeling better. I have a feeling Shelley will be able to escape from the ankle bracelet. 🙂
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Thanks, Morgaine. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
The ankle bracelet is only a temporary fashion accessory for Shelley. They can’t keep her contained for long.
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😀
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You know, Russell… you didn’t HAVE to have an ailment to compete with the others… that said, hope you recover quickly!
As for Shelly… I hope they gave her a purple cuff!
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Really? Wow, I wish you’d told me sooner. I could’ve avoided surgery and talked about weather or sports.
I think you should start your own advice column – Discuss It With Dale.
Let’s hope the ankle bracelet doesn’t clash with her purple sneakers. You know how fashion conscious she is.
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Hahaha! You wish!
Now there’s an idea!
Yes, she would loathe that…
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Only yesterday I was in the pub surrounded by people going on about their ailments. I resisted the temptation to boast about my relatively malady free life for fear of tempting fate! I trust and hope you are on the mend. As for your tale, an amusing snippet indeed!
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Thanks, Keith. Hope you stay healthy. According to Dale (see above), we DON’T have to have an ailment. Isn’t that amazing? My problem was minor and I’m well on the way to a full and complete physical recovery. As far as the mind goes, well . . .
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There is nothing like the lovely ankle monitor to add to one’s street cred
As for you knee and gout, what can I say? We just gotta play the cards we’re dealt. 🙂
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I saw a lady wearing one at a Thai restuarant one evening. It had a cute little red light that blinked every few seconds, like “Hey! Look at me!” Of course, I tried to restrain myself, but it was hard to look away.
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Interesting. 🙂
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Ooh. Flashing red light on purple would be stunning. 😉
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If the shoe fits!
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And if it doesn’t . . . find one that does.
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If the shoe fits buy a pair in every color, especially purple. 😀
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get well soon. forget about shelley who’s in a better place now.
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Thanks, Plaridel. Unfortunately, keeping Shelley contained is a full-time job.
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An ankle monitor is this season’s must have accessory. I want mine in ivory leather with big rhinestones.
Great story, Russell and even more entertaining preamble!
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The rhinestones would be a welcome addition. I’m sure you’d be the talk of the neighborhood.
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Enjoyed the laugh, as always! Sorry about your knee. But at least your have something to share now, at the next session of Show and Tell 🙂
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You’re right, but I may have to get some Halloween makeup to make my scars look for gruesome. Three little slits is not going to make anyone gasp or feel sorry for me.
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Well, I suppose–but you’re just getting started, after all 🙂
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I remember how I used to roll my eyes when my mother talked about her ailments with our older relatives for hours. Now my joints start to squeak and there’s an ache here and there. So, when I’m ready to join in this talk, I’ll know where to find you. 🙂 Shelley’s purple ankle cuffs sure are a must-see.
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If Shelley keeps on pirouetting like that she might be joining the queue for knee treatment. That’s how they get torn – I googled it. Sorry to hear about your meniscus Russell, and take care – maybe you ought to moderate your own dance moves.
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