I used to work with a guy who was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He told me the hardest thing about learning the English language was the metaphors and euphemisms we Americans use in everyday conversation.  When I mentioned that I was going to “pitch a loaf” he wrongly assumed it had something to do with bread.

Today’s story features a disagreement which threatens to dissolve a long-standing relationship between one of nature’s most famous couples.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Queen Bee of our hive is the famous therapist Dr. Ruth “Whadda talkin’ bout” Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF “Hollywood Squares” author seating chart click here.

copyright Jennifer Pendergast
copyright Jennifer Pendergast

We interrupt normal blog programing to bring you the latest in the Sex Education labor strike.

Negotiations have broken down. The Bees are forming picket lines outside Bird headquarters to protest their stand on In vitro fertilization.

“This is an unnatural act and flies in the face of everything we’ve taught young people for generations,” buzzed Bee spokesperson, Honie.

“There’s nothing wrong with an egg outside the body,” countered Cindy Cardinal. “Why should it matter where fertilization takes place?”

In response, angry bees are constructing a wall of hexagonal wax cells to launch armed drones across enemy lines.

Film at eleven.

34 Comments on “Polli-Nation

  1. Excellent! Russell this is great. Love the satire and the description of the scene. um, bee spokesperson Honey spells her name Honie. 🙂


  2. Another inspired gem, Russell. Back to the topic of American euphemisms, I’m buds with a copy editor at the New York Times. Recently, she intercepted a headline seconds before it went live online that used the phrase “pitch a tent”. I don’t remember the exact headline but t was a story involving boys and the Girl Scouts so that headline had a connotation that definitely would have made the Old Grey Lady blush. The person that wrote it, a Mrs. Prim and Proper type, had no idea that that expression had other meanings.


    • I’m sure those Boy Scouts were pitching plenty of tents at the Girl Scout Jamboree, but let’s not shout it from the mountain tops.


      • The New York Times very nearly did shout it until Lame Adventures Friend saved — or ruined — the day (depending on your POV).


  3. That gave me a real buzz, Russell. I have no hesitation on egging you on to your next fictional offering 😀


  4. Dear BB,

    This goes above and bee-yond. I hope the birds and the bees can come to some kind of agreement. It could have far reaching effects as to what we tell our children.


    Dr. Ruth


  5. The only thing missing was educated fleas, darling! Quite funny, though!


  6. HAHAHAHAHA! “And we’ll have live team coverage tonight at ten!”
    Russell, no kidding, you continue to amaze me! Hilarious!


  7. Dear Russell,

    You’ve been into the mead again, haven’ t you. Your ability to concoct stories of sublime ridiculousness is unsurpassed by anyone in the FF hive. Very well done….again.




    • Thanks Doug.
      I’m just trying to keep up with Perry and Linda V. Maybe the three of us should go one of those Blue Collar Comedy tours.


  8. Good to see your Bee Team is at the ready–definitely a unique take on the prompt, Russell.And I l like your title–Fun.


  9. I hope they have a roving reporter to capture them launching armed drones. This is turning into a sticky situation.


  10. I always knew Masters and Johnsons were a couple of Johnny-come-latelys, speaking of sex education. The Birds and the Bees have always been my ultimate authorities as well, which is why I always try to pick up women by chirping and attempting to sting them. Hasn’t worked too well as I often get sprayed by Raid.“There’s nothing wrong with an egg outside the body,” which is where I typically wind up too. Nice job on the prompt and revving me up as well. Russell!


  11. Great idea from the prompt, Russell. I hope they sort out their differences. Sorry I’m late, still getting through last week’s stories…


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