Yesterday I chewed the mailman out for leaving more of those darned Home Improvement magazines in our mailbox. All they do is cause trouble. Connie can spend hours studying the photos and flagging items like child selecting presents from a Christmas catalog. Then she’ll point… Continue Reading “Communion”
This week, I’ve been thinking about urban legends. You know, that modern genre of folklore where false claims or fictitious tales are circulated as true. One of my dad’s favorites regarded the pulling of a baby tooth. “If you don’t stick your tongue in the… Continue Reading “Fantasy Baseball”
This week, we got a big snow—big by Arkansas standards, anyway—and everybody and their cousins posted pictures of it on Facebook. All except my cousin Jerry, that is. If ya called him, he’d say the power was out for a couple of days. But… Continue Reading “Boot Camp”
A few days ago, I had a thought, which may surprise those of you who know me well. I was writing my autobiography and came to the scene where Connie and I applied for a marriage license. It occurred to me that this was the only… Continue Reading “Day of Dysentery”
Earlier this week, I did one of those Cologuard tests where you poop in a bowl and send it to a laboratory to screen for signs of cancer in your colon. The test is incredibly easy for the contributor, but probably not so pleasant… Continue Reading “Parts is Parts”
How many of you have attended a tent revival? Mom dragged me to one in 1967. It was scheduled during the hottest week of the summer and held in large army-green canvas structures. Inside, the heat and odors were suffocating. If bottled, the fragrance would’ve been… Continue Reading “Damaged derrières”
A few weeks back my wife, Connie, went on a cleaning binge. According to the TV, Queen Elizabeth was fixin’ to turn 96 and the way Connie was working it appeared we would be hosting the celebration. My role in the preparations would be to scrub… Continue Reading “Still Gettin’ Over It”
Lately, I’ve been feeling left out when listening to the conversation of friends my age and older. Most of them have some kind of aliment or medical condition they can ramble on about for hours. The only thing I had was an occasional flare-up… Continue Reading “Ring Around the Ankle”
The topic of today’s intro is nicknames. I’ve had several thrust upon me over the past sixty years and I’m sure most of you have been suited with a fitting sobriquet as well. My dad was notorious for coining nicknames. One of my favorites was… Continue Reading “The Semi-Suite”
Watching the winter games on television has gotten my competitive juices flowing. I’ve started training for the 2024 Obese Olympics. If all goes according to plan, I expect to bring home the gold in several disciplines including The Bellyflop. Getting in shape for the… Continue Reading “A Hard Bargain”
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
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AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
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Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
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