Renewal

Flowers are blooming, trees are budding, and people are coughing and sneezing. Mother Nature is kicking off her drab winter garb and slipping into floral prints to celebrate the passing of a particularly cruel winter.

To get in the proper mood for spring, you may want to consider ordering your Special Author’s Edition of The Perils of Heavy Thinking by clicking here.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the tour guide for this festival of fiction is Boysenberry Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Kent Bonham
copyright – Kent Bonham

Kent had heard the horror stories, but considered them wild exaggerations. Stepping up to the dispenser, he took the next available number and found a seat next to a young Hispanic lost in oblivion—like an inmate awaiting lethal injection.

Three hours later, Kent was called back. A grim woman with a husky voice asked to see his paperwork. She scanned his personal information, narrowed her eyes, and nodded for a supervisor.

He reviewed the forms and flashed a sadistic grin.

“Mr. Bonham, welcome to the DMV. We cannot process your renewal. Come back when you have ALL the proper documentation.”

 

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39 thoughts on “Renewal

  1. Thanks, Russell! Hilarious. I laughed until I stopped (come to think of it, though, that light DOES look a lot like that lady at the DMV). 😀

    I’m enclosing a link to repay the favor … my favorite commercial from a few years ago. You’ve probably seen it. For those who don’t know, it is a parody of a piece of film run back in the old days of movie watching at the theater. The original words are, “Let’s go out to the lobby, let’s go out to the lobby, let’s go out to the lobby and get ourselves a treeeeeat!” Enjoy!

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    1. Great video, Kent. Yes, I think a concession stand at the DMV would be a great improvement. You have to be careful about going to the restroom though, if they call your number while you’re gone, you have to get a new one and start over.

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    2. I love the commercial for the DMV – that is so funny. Russell, you win this week – I have been there – as everyone else that doesn’t peddle, and I know how horrible it can be – funny, funny, funny story!

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    1. You don’t have to go far to find humor in this world, Patricia. It’s all about your perspective. You can laugh or you can cry, but either way you’re not getting out of the DMV in less than four hours.

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  2. I’d laugh myself spitless if this weren’t such a possibility in real life. a few years ago, I went to renew my license and found out that I was D-E-A-D…. took me months to prove otherwise. LOL!

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  3. Great job, Russell. For me the DMV also means a picture I can’t bear to look at as some old guy leaps in front of the camera just as they take it. Everybody who likes funny should buy your book to read while waiting at the DMV. And read over and over again a few times too!

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  4. Dear DMV attendant,

    At least if Kent sits next to a Hispanic he can strike up a conversation in Español. Years ago I went to renew my license and took every legal document I could find. Birth certificate, utility bills…you name it. Once I finally got to the desk the girl looked at my passport on top of the stack and said, “That’s all I need.” Really? If it weren’t for red tape there’d be more red tape. Still laughing.

    Shalom,

    Boysenberry

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  5. With this post, you fired a bull’s eye, Russell. I think one of the criteria of working at the DMV is that they check their humanity at the door. When I went to renew my license five years ago, I stepped up to where you have your picture taken and before I could even form an expression she snapped the shot. Arguing with this type of orifice is pointless.

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  6. Oh boy, did this strike a chord with me. I remember standing all morning beneath a blazing south african sun in a queue to extend my visa. Finally I entered the shade of the building, waited another hour, only to find they’d changed the requisite documentation… and this information was conveyed with just the same relish as your supervisor. Well done Russell.

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  7. need to visit the dmv next week. thanks for reminding me the horror awaiting me 😉 seriously, great take with non-horror horror

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  8. and it’s not only with renewals…horrible when they make people wait in line outside in frigid cold weather just to get a space to get a driver’s license AND sometimes they turn people away because of limited space so back you go…i really enjoyed your story. 🙂

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  9. I’m a fairly new contributor to Retirement and Good Living and I found your recent post there and thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope you’ll visit me at Chubby Chatterbox. Take care.

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  10. DMV, we’ve all been there! Boysenberry–you are certified nuts. Hope to get caught up, get my new computer up to speed, and look forward to participating in Friday Fictioneers again.

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