Philadelphia: – While the national news media is blathering about the resignation of Democratic Party Chair Debbie Wassermann Schultz, the issue causing the most division within the party is how to wear the Political Protective Cup.
The Sanders supporters insist the cup should be worn over the lower extremities to provide protection against Republican low-ball tactics, while those in the Clinton camp recommend covering the right ear to guard against the fear & hate propaganda directed at Democrats.
The one thing both factions agree upon however, is that Donald Trump should wear his cup firmly over his mouth. According to one delegate, the only problem seems to be finding a cup large enough to cover such an orifice.
*Our Arkansas correspondent is covering the convention this week from the safety and comfort of his easy chair. If you wish to contact him, you may do so by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Dear Correspondent Gayer,
Some interesting suggestions. I find no comfort in any of this.
A despondent correspondent in Missouri
These are uncomfortable times. We cannot afford to let our guard down. Our nation, and our children’s future depend upon it.
It’s time to strap up and get going.
This is fucking brilliant, but Trump’s mouth cup should be outfitted with a pacifier. No one will ask why.
For the most part, he looks like he’s been weaned on a sour pickle. I think a pacifier is great idea. Perhaps one of those bonnets like Baby Huey wore would be complete the look as well.
The main post was hilarious and the comments added to it. You’re a wise person, Russell. A comfortable chair is the best place to report from. It’s one of the few safe places in the country these days–let’s hope. 😀 — Suzanne
You’ve got a lot of balls, Russ. I mean, really. You must. Look at the size of that cup! And that’s all I’ll say about the size of your…hands.
Thanks, Lorna. The cup provides plenty of space for extra socks and a toaster oven if I go on a trip. Right now, the Russians are trying to decode the cryptic message inside this blog and pass it on to Trump. I expect his henchmen will be showing up at any momentto break my oversized fingers.
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Wow, the message in your post was supposed to be cryptic? Either I’m major spy material or you’re not. Which is it you bigly fingered manly man?
Haven’t you heard? I’ll be starring as James (silver is the new blond) Bond in the soon-to-be-released action/thriller Bold-Finger.
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