The Most Heinous of Crimes

Tomorrow kicks off the annual gorging season here in America. Like me, I’m sure many of you have been in training for the past several weeks getting ready to put on an extra of layer of blubber before we head into winter.

There’s nothing more embarrassing than showing up at the Emergency Room with a pulled stomach muscle because you hadn’t properly exercised prior to a big meal. You’ll never win a medal at the Obese Olympics unless you get in shape—and round is the shape I’m talking about.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the chef who provides the stuffing for our weekly cornucopia of stories is Ernestine Gibbons Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to submit your tale to the weekly collection, zip over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Detective Lowry pulled to the curb and studied the house. Other than the police tape, it looked like every other cookie-cutter home in the neighborhood.

Inside, a team of forensic experts combed the scene. The homeowners, a young husband and wife, sat shell-shocked at the kitchen table.

“What’d ya got?” Lowry asked the senior inspector.

“Not much. The Do-Not-Remove-Under-Penalty-of-Law tags from every mattress, pillow, and piece of furniture are missing. Who would do such a thing?”

Lowry wiped a white smudge from the mirror. It smeared between his finger and thumb. “When we find the invisible box, we’ll find the tags.”

 

 

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59 Comments on “The Most Heinous of Crimes

  1. Dear Detective Lowry,

    Still looking for the invisible box, eh? Well, the mime’s not talking.

    Hope you’ve trained sufficiently for the food orgy. I’ll be sure to send over my pine cone and maple leaf salad for your dining pleasure. 😉 Oh, and I know you’ll just love my acorn cookies. Going to check my pillows for tags.

    Happy Thanksgiving,

    Earnestine Gibbons W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Ernestine Gibbons W(T)F,

      The mime has crossed the line this time. Removing mattress and furniture tags is a federal offense. She’s lucky J. Edgar Hoover isn’t still around.

      Can’t wait to try your “Surf & Turf” smoothie–worm castings with sea weed in salt water–makes my stomach churn just thinking about it. Probably clean a person out pretty good too.

      Happy Thanksgiving to you and Jan,
      Detective Lowry

      Like

    • There’s plenty of reason to be concerned, Iain. If I were you, I’d take photos of all my mattress and furniture tags in case the mine strikes at your house.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. True story. When I was a little kid, I was playing with that tag on my mattress and it came off. I was scared to death. Couldn’t put it back on, so I put it under the mattress hoping that would work. No one came to arrest me, so I figured it didn’t really matter.

    Liked by 4 people

    • The white stuff is grease paint–the calling card of this particular (and devious, I might add) mime. I’m sure the young couple feels distraught and violated by the loss of their tags.

      Like

    • It’s not powder, it’s face paint. This is an ongoing saga, and the culprit is a mime. Everyone knows it’s What’s-Her-Name, but somehow she manages to stay one step ahead of Lowry.

      Like

    • I wasn’t familiar with Schrödinger’s cat, so I looked it up. Fascinating subject, but would make my brain hurt if I thought on it too long. A sometimes dead/sometimes alive cat would be a good fit for the invisible box.

      Like

    • I know, Sandra. These are sad times we’re living in. I never trusted mimes, but still, I never dreamed one would resort to stealing mattress tags just to put poor innocent people at risk.

      Do you think the police are going to believe you when they ask about the missing tags and you tell them the mime took it? Yeah, right sister. Off to jail you go.

      Liked by 1 person

    • There seems to be a variety of reasons associated with the selection of the date. In researching its history, I found both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln mentioned. One article suggested that retailers encouraged Franklin Roosevelt to lock down the national holiday on the 4th Thursday of November to help with Christmas sales.

      Like

    • It’s not an easy case when the primary piece of evidence is invisible. I’m sure his superiors are getting a little impatient, but the stealing of the tags throws gasoline on the fire. Expect an intensive “mime hunt” as some point in the future.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. How do you make us laugh every single time?? 😀
    When people start getting arrested for removing those tags, it’s time to re-evaluate the priorities of the police force.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Rachel. It’s an ongoing saga, but not a serial. I just throw one out there every now an then when it fits with the prompt and try to make each a stand-alone for those not familar with the theft of the invisible box.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The mime strikes again. You never really can trust a person who isn’t willing to say anything. They’re quite shifty characters.

    Liked by 1 person

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