How many of you baby-talk to your pet? Let’s see a show of hands. No one can see you except for your spouse, who’s probably wondering why you’re holding your hand up in front of a computer screen.

There are several articles on the web that rationalize, or even justify this behavior—though none of them are written by pets. Why do we baby-talk at all? I realize its done with an attitude of affection, but the vocal tone sounds rather condescending when the last thing we want to do is hurt poor little snookum’s feelings.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, famous artist who baby-talks to paintings of empty wine glasses is Brooke Foster Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.


copyright – Fatima Fakier Deria


Gee, it’s great to be out of Gotham City, Batman, but what are we doing in Venice, Italy?

The Riddler has kidnapped the maker of Commissioner Gordon’s favorite canned pasta.

Holy Ravioli, Batman, surely you don’t mean Chef Boy-ar-dee?

Exactly, Robin. The man who revolutionized spaghetti rings, Ettore Boiardi, aka, Hector Boyardee is being held for ransom somewhere in this city.

How will we find him?

The Riddler left a clue; What do you call a run-down neighborhood in Italy?

That’s easy. A Spa-ghetto.

Precisely. To the Bat-Gondola, Robin.

* today’s offering is a take-off from the American TV series “Batman” which aired from 1966-68.

76 Comments on “Noodles

  1. Dear Bruce Waning,

    Holy Rigatoni! What a story! Pour me another glash of kee…kee…yon…Wine. Sheersh. I’d have a re-tort-ellini for you but I can’t find my purple ballpoint penne. On with the show..hic…

    Pasta Linguine,

    Brooke Foster W(T)F

    Liked by 6 people

    • Dear Brooke Foster W(T)F,

      Here’s a riddle for you; What wine goes best with pasta? The answer–all of it! I’m glad you’re not one of those wine whisperers. At least you speak up, even though the words are slurred. Be sure and wear your purple life vest if you ride in the Bat-Gondola.

      Happy floating,
      Bruce Waning

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Personally, I think the Italians should rise up and burn Ettore Boiardi, aka, Hector Boyardee at the stake (or should that read steak) for murdering pasta by putting it in a tin. What sacrilege!
    Loved the A Spa-ghetto.
    Best wishes,

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ironically, Mr. Boiardi was awarded a Gold Star order of excellence from the United States War Department for ramping up production to feed the troops canned pasta in WWII. It’s also been highly popular with American housewifes who didn’t know how to boil water. Unfortunately, we live in a world where convenience often wins out over flavor when it comes to food.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have no idea how your mind got from the photo to a Batman-inspired pun-adventure, but I enjoyed it immensely! Re. Baby Talk, I never did it with my kids, I just spoke to them as I normally would talk to a person, which also meant I avoided looking like a complete fool. Mother-in-law is very bad for the baby talk, I’m wondering when she will stop doing it, the twins are 4 now and look at her strangely when she starts baby-talking to them…

    Liked by 3 people

    • I have no idea how my mind got there either. I started thinking about Italian food and things went downhill from there.

      I don’t believe pets or children need baby talk. Both can process regular language, but I’m not throwing any stones–just opening a can of worms for discussion.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope they find Chef Boy R Dee as i believe i own stock in him. Hard to pass an instant meal by when its ten for $10. Still working on my boiling water skills…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Ha! Great comment. I wish I owned stock in them.
      It’s hard to tell when boiling water is done. I don’t want to under-cook it, but I don’t like it burnt either.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Great story, Russell! You really captured the charm of Batman and Robin. I’m always happy when I get the chance to stop by your site for a visit. I always leave with a smile.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Eric. I love parodies. It’s a good thing I didn’t have more than 100 words. No telling where this story would have landed.


  6. OK … so now I have that silly image of Batman & Robin in those G-d awful tights.
    NIGHTMARE ALERT – should be at the top of this story. BUT … I have to admit it was hilarious to read, Russell. You always do funny so well. There’s still time to take this act on the road. ~~~ : )
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 2 people

      • LOL …. masked men are too secretive for me.
        Spandex … well, I have to admit when I was dancing and took many, many classes there were men in spandex. I use the word men loosely. LOL It’s a good thing I liked the tv show. 😄
        Have a super weekend … Cheers 🍷


  7. Cannot stand baby talk – not to babies, nor to pets… Then the wonder why their kid ain’t talking right by age 5…. sheesh…
    As to that whole spaghetti thing… holy maccaroni!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Tinned pasta, good grief! That will stay with me. And as for baby talk – nuff said, or I’ll set my sweetie peetie pie on you. She’s had people like you for bwekfust.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Ha, loved the spelling there. That’s the first time I’ve experience baby-talk in print. You do it extremely well, Sandra. 🙂


  9. I haven’t eaten Chef Boyardee for ages, Russell. I wonder if they still put loads of sweetener in it. Of course, that’s no doubt why kids loved it. Of course, the Riddler always seemed like a kid at heart to me anyway. He probably wants his own private supply. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Snorting coffee outa my nose at this one! Laughing to hard to type… and to think..that’s just what I packed my Hubby for lunch.. Ravioli…wait til he reads this one! 🙂 Oh, man, what a cracker!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Well, you and Rochelle certainly had a good time with your puns and word plays this week–but then you always do. I don’t know what’s more entertaining–the fun story or the hilarious comments 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      • I watched a few of the older Batman episodes when I was younger so I found it really brilliant to see how you incorporated it so well into the prompt.


  12. when i was in venice, i always got lost. but they’re superheroes. i’m confident they’ll have better luck navigating through the maze its narrow streets. i look forward to the evening news reporting that the kidnap victim had been found.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You got these voices down so well. i can see them running through the spa-ghetto into the bat-gondola as I smile 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I always enjoy your posts, Russell. Love your miss-mash of words, holy ravioli and not forgetting Spa-ghetto. I wonder do they not want Boiardi (thanks for the help with pronunciation) back simply for his own safety? Must make some awesome pasta.

    Liked by 1 person

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Mandie Hines Author

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