Sloburbia (reprise)

William Shakespeare didn’t earn a reputation as the greatest writer in the English language without knowing how to craft a good insult. Whether tragedies or comedies, his plays are peppered with vicious put-downs sure to keep his audience entertained. Here are a couple of my favorites.

“He is deformed, crooked, old and sere; ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.” –  The Comedy of Errors.        “Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.” (I would have said ‘on my arse’ instead) – King Lear

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our feisty facilitator, who can dish it out as well as take it, is Wilhelmina Snakewit Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Yvette Prior

“Have you met the couple who moved into the Fredrick’s house?” Judi snuffed the butt of her cigarette on an empty beer can.

“Her name is Nikki. She’s a freak.” Wanda cleared a spot on the ottoman with the heel of her flip-flop. “What they did to that house is a crime.”

“You’ve been inside?”

“Yeah, it’s bad. I almost hurled a couple of times. The counters were spotless, you could eat off the floor, and the toilet had clean water.”

“That’s disgusting. How can people live like that?” Judi flipped a booger across the room. “There goes the neighborhood.”

 

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42 Comments on “Sloburbia (reprise)

  1. Dear Carbuncle McSwine,

    There goes the neighborhood. I don’t know how the girls can stand that Type A, low class, mop pushing, counter cleaning, toilet wipe. Once more you’ve inspired us all to mediocre lacks of height. I retch in your honor.

    Shalom,

    Wilhelmina Snakewit W(T)F

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Ugh, Russell. I take it that’s Judi’s coffee table in the picture. That was some final sentence. Of course, the clean house sounds like something out of “The Stepford Wives”. That’s sanitary but scary. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh lawzy! No one could insult quite like the Bard. I’m thinking we should bring some back… so much more eloquent than :Yo! Your’e a f***ing ***hole!”
    As to those clean freaks… you just can’t control who moves in next to you, can you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m with you there, Dale. A good insult should be witty and eloquent. In some cases, the person won’t even realize they’re being put down until they digest what’s been said.

      Who wants to spend all their time cleaning? I’ve never read an obituary that said, “She kept a clean home.” Maybe mine will read, “He lived like a pig, but at least he could write funny stuff.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • It should indeed! Our former PM told Nixon: “I have been called worse things by better people.” A nicely placed slap…

        I sure as hell don’t. And, while not quite living like a pig, I would not pass muster with those clean-freaks…

        Like

      • One of my favorite insults is by Winston Churchill in his response to Bessie Braddock who said he was disgustingly drunk. ‘My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.’

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Subverting the paradigm as usual, eh, Russell? I like all the little details in your story – the flip-flop, snuffing out the butt on a beer can – all giving us a great picture of the horror that is sloburbia!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Around here, Judi and Wanda might be referred to as trailer trash. Whatever the case, they don’t spend a lot of time cleaning. I expect to see them invested with mice and roaches soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay, Shakespeare is funny, the house was gross, but you had me wanting to gag at the booger. Really, really hate boogers. Comes from teaching junior high boys 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fancy being able to eat off the floor. What a waste of time and effort. Although, I do wonder what hidden visitors Judi and Wanda might by harbouring.

    Like

  7. Ha! We humans are known to look down on those who live differently than we do. I like to think of myself as tolerant, but I’m rather averse to the idea of having a booger flipped across the room at me.

    Like

  8. I’m sure Judi and Wanda have a few hundred back copies of Bad Housekeeping under that delightful table of theirs. Lovely insults and I learned a new word too.

    Like

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