What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
California Scheming
Have you ever taken a long cut–as opposed to a shortcut? What I’m referring to is driving around the world to get across the street. Some people call it “taking the scenic route,” or offer the excuse of avoiding heavy traffic, toll roads, or fear of getting stuck in a Presidential Motorcade. The goal is to ignore the shortest, fastest, most efficient route to your destination.
My wife, Connie, really enjoys doing this. In fact, her motto is, “If there’s a back road–take it!” As an experienced yard sale fanatic, she knows every side street, alley, and dead-end cul de sac in our portion of North America. We’re never truly lost, just not always sure where the road we’re on is going to take us.
Tell me about a time when taking an alternate route led to an adventure.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the person who wrote from Kansas City to Hollywood with a laptop on her knee is Old Suzanna Danna Anna Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Look! Up in the bird. It’s the sky. It’s a plane. It’s Dyslexia Man.
Slower than a mentally challenged sloth wading through molasses.
Weaker than single-ply bath tissue.
Unable to infuse short sentences with a single noun.
Yes, it’s Dyslexia Man, backwards visitor from the hills of Arkansas who came to Bloggywood with the power and ability to render the English language incomprehensible. Dyslexia Man, who can alter the meaning of common phrases, blend two-syllable words into inaudible gibberish. And who, disguised as Enos “Skin” Flint, half-witted blogger for Friday Flash Fiction, fights a never ending battle for humor, foolishness and the Redneck way.
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We can only hope our hero’s arch enemy and lifelong nemesis, Grammar Girl, will stop by to save us from the twisted vernacular and nonsensical jabbering of Dyslexia Man. Please hurry, Grammar Girl!
26 Comments on “California Scheming”
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What's So Funny? 
A hero for our online times.
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Very much so. I’m just glad they didn’t show him in his superhero costume.
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Wow! You critique your own work! Does that mean the comments from the rest of us are irrelevant?
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Not at all. I wasn’t sure anyone else was reading. 🙂
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😀 The only thing I remember from geometry class is: The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I never take the scenic route.
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Well, according to sources close to me, you’re really missing an adventure by not taking the path less traveled and a whole lot out of your way. 🙂
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I have actually taken that path. It was called getting lost! 😀
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But–if the grammar is corrected, then it won’t be funny at all!
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That’s kinda what I was thinking, Linda. We don’t want to put poor Grammar Girl out of a job.
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Left me breathless! 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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I was hoping for confused, or entertained, but breathless works too.
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The super heroes were first to introduce equality with Superwoman and now we have Grammar Girl, what next. Soon there will be know sanctuary for boys toys.
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Of all the female superheroes, Grammar Girl has to be the most ruthless. She has a dictionary under one arm and a thesaurus under the other to go along with her English degree. She can spot a dangling participle at 50 yards.
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I understood everything you wrote, so I must also be sdrawkcab! 😁
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Cute stuff and enjoyed the read. When we get a little lost or temporarily disoriented, one of us always says, “Oh, wonderful. We’re going on an adventure.” 🙂 The movie, Grand Canyon comes to mind.
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Glad you could relate and enjoyed it, Bill. Even a short trip can be an adventure if you’re traveling with the right person.
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Indeed that is so, Russell.
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My friend Sat-nav Sally loves taking me down backroads. I can’t tell you often we fall out over it. As far as writing’s concerned I prefer the middle road somewhere between plain dull and verbal diarrhoea!
Here’s mine!
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Your comment made be chuckle. I’ve been accused of verbal diarrhea on more that one occasion.
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Dear Dyslexia Man,
Oh how I’d enjoy traveling the back roads with Connie! Laptop on my knee. ;)What can I say? I came. I read. I laughed.
Shalom,
Old Suzanna Danna Anna W(T)F
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Dear Old Suzanna Danna Anna W(T)F,
I’m sure you’ve found many backroads on your 2020 North America tour. I imagine they sold purple t-shirts at all your public appearances. And I’m confident you collected a whole suitcase of Do-Not-Remove tags along the way.
Happy Trails,
Dyslexia Man
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What harm can an old Grammar do to Dyslexia Man? I hope he knows that underwear goes outside the rants.
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I’m not sure he’s aware of that. He doesn’t know the difference between a comma and an exclamation point.
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I loved road trips but haven’t for a long time since back surgery.
Sitting can be difficult. I’ll travel with you on those back roads of adventure.
I think this could possibly another language. Why Not?
Have a wonderful week … Be Safe
Isadora 😎
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Once again, two humorous tales for free. If you enjoyed this humor, skip to the top right-hand part of the post and click on one of the book covers. You can also help Russell by reblogging from your blog.
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You’re always offered that scenic route aren’t you? We discovered my mother had high blood pressure after she screamed all the way down a mountain on one trip. Not fun. —- Suzanne
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