What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Pissin’ Post
According to Wiktionary, a Pissin’ Post is a cylinder-shaped public urinal, formerly us as a site for posting public notices. We can only surmise that not all the public notices were well received by local residents. Thanks to Al Gore, we now have the internet and an array of social media sites which means you can piss on someone’s posts anywhere and anytime. Isn’t that great!
If you’re infuriated by someone’s improper use of there, their, or they’re, or the word “irregardless” puts a blister on your boil, you don’t have to sit back and take it. Yank down your drawers and let the verbal urine spew like a fire hose—just look out for the splash back. You’re bound to get some on ya.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our hostess, who won’t publicly berate you for not being addicted to purple is Lilly Von Lavender” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Trailer Park Paradise
If your trailer park sits atop an old nuclear waste dump, check out Vern “Duck Lips” Radon’s glowing travel article, “Hallowed Ground,” where Radon extols the benefits of living atop a radioactive landfill.
“Everyone can name at least one superhero who gained special powers after being exposed to nuclear waste. Who knows, your kid might fall in a drainage ditch and come out Mutant Kung Fu Crawdad.”
Radon goes on to say, “Hair loss has its advantages too. Just think of all the money you’ll save on razors, shampoo, trips to the beauty shop, and lice removal.”
36 Comments on “Pissin’ Post ”
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What's So Funny? 
Whenever your body begins to glow, then look on the bright side of life.
Is there an alternative?
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Don’t forget the possibility of superpowers. It’s time to start picking out your cape.
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Dear Duck Lips,
How nice to see you on the purple side of town. Thank you for your glowing article. Your radiating words have been missed in these here parts. Not to mention, I’ve gone nameless for months. Shine on. Shine on. Thank you for pissing on our posts. And may the Schwartz be with you.
Shalom,
Lilly Von Lavender W(T)F
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Dear Lilly Von Lavender W(T)F,
Thank you for the kind reception. I’ve read your post and it’s very piss-worthy. I’m sure your remember my post from years gone by regarding your addiction and the medical profession’s inability to find a cure or even slow the growth of your passion for purple. Thankfully, it’s not contagious. I suspect we’ll soon see a watercolor rendering of Ms Fox glowing photo on Facebook. I’ll be sure to put on my radiation-protective hazmat suit and welding googles before looking at it.
Enjoy your new coloring book,
“Duck Lips” Radon
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Dear Duck Lips Radon,
Remember your story? Had you been paying attention you might have noticed that I posted a link that poignant cautionary tale.
Googles? You have welding googles?
I always enjoy coloring books. Pictures of grapes, violets, all things purple.
Shalom, Lilly Von Lavender W(T)F
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Dear Lilly,
Of course I saw the wingback, but by not mentioning it I provided you a pissin’ opportunity. That was one of my better posts and I’m flattered that you would remember something that happened more than 2 minutes ago. I guess chewing on crayon wrappers really does improve memory.
Duck Lips
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🤣🤣🤣
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You came by and didn’t leave a comment? Harrumph.
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What can I say? It was a hit-n-run, I didn’t have insurance, and may have been drinking. If I’d left a comment, there’s no telling what I might have written.
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Comically sinister!
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Thank you, Sandra. It is sadly true that there have been mobile home parks created atop old nuclear waste dumps here in the U.S. America’s compassion for the poor knows no bounds. 🙂
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So glad Rochelle noodged you into playing!
I’ll side-step the pissing post and don’t think I’ll join this certain community, I do like my hair…
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Oh, come on, Dale. It’s healthy to relieve the bladder every now and then. And BTW, your hair looks fabulous!
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Oh, I do agree. It’s just a tad more difficult for women to piss on a post, if you get my drift.
And thank you! I shall most assuredly accept fabulous!
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Oh we’ll all go together when we go
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I suppose there’s some comfort in that. It would be sad to be left alone with no post to piss on.
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LOL! Great story, Mr Radon! Of course, if things continue as they have been regarding radioactivity, we will all be glowing in the dark soon.
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Maybe the electric company will buy back the excess energy we produce and lower our bills. Nah! Never happen.
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Superman is still my favorite–the old one. Although I have to say, Christopher Reeve made a pretty hot Superman, too 🙂
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I never understood why superheros had to be attractive. What if Wonder Woman weighed 240 wore a mumu instead of tights? Would I still love her and admire her crime fighting ability? Hold on before you throw that Lasso of Truth. I may need legal representation.
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🙂
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What a unique and clever take on the prompt. Love it!
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Thank you Violet. I enjoyed yours too.
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i’ll watch from a distance wearing a purple helmet
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It’s alway wise to take the appropriate precautions.
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Why waste nuclear waste? What a wise man Radon is.
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It’s the shortcut to superhero attainment.
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As ever, I enjoyed your intro as much as your story, Russell. Looks like someone needs to see a doctor if they’re pissing purple though! Where exactly did “Dr” Vern Radon get his phd? I’m not sure I quite agree with his theories, but I guess science is all about disagreement, especially online!
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Thanks, Jen. I do enjoy writing the intro and it often garners more comments than the actual story.
It seems a lot of people disagree with science these days. As a friend once told me, “People believe what they want to believe.”
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So funny (as fiction.) Not sure if you watch TV but have you seen a series called, “The Oblongs”? They live at the bottom of the hill, where all of the toxic stuff rolls down to. It’s a hilarious show (as fiction.)
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I haven’t heard of that show, but will look it up. Sounds like my cup of tea.
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A really great (and funny) satire on the way things are currently going.
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Don’t know if you meant the intro or the story, but thanks either way.
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not surprisingly, given that he lives on top of a radioactive dump, his positivity fills to the brim.
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He writes for the magazine Trailer Trash Paradise. He’s all about a positive spin.
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Living in a house with 2 sons and 1 husband for 20-something years before the offspring flew the coop, I know the meaning of spew like a fire hose. Sadly, I am insufficiently equipped.
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