What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Granny Toots
Be honest. How many of you have lost your car in a parking lot? You were in a hurry. The seven-acre lot was packed. You took the first open spot you could find. Then walked the length of the Appalachian Trail to get to a store, ballgame, or nearest bathroom. When you came back out, your car had decided to play a prank and moved to an undisclosed location—without leaving a forwarding address.
How rude! Now, you’re wandering up one row and down the next praying this isn’t the early onset of dementia. Finally, you spot your car, hunkered between two giant SUVs, laughing its bumper off. Don’t feel bad. Happens all the time to people your age.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our traffic controller, who sometimes poses as a parking meter, is Snookie LaRue Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Bubba and TJ rolled out of the truck and ambled inside Granny Toots.
Trixie Burke, a dishwater blonde, escorted them to a table.
“You boys look thirsty. What’ll it be? Cans, bottles, or a pitcher?”
“Make it a pitcher.” Bubba glanced toward the pool tables. “What’s the special tonight?”
“White beans with ham, cornbread, and green onions. Or brown beans with bits of pulled pork, cornbread, and sliced onions.”
Bubba scrunched his face. “They both sound like they’d make some real eye-burners.”
Trixie shrugged. “Like Granny says, ‘This is the only filling station in town where you get free gas.’”
18 Comments on “Granny Toots”
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Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
“The only filling station in town where you get free gas” – love it!
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Thanks, Angela. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Now that’s an intriguing sales strategy
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In today’s economy, it’s a real plus. Now, if we could just stop those carbon emissions.
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Dear Greasy Bill Weatherspoon,
Oh how well I relate to losing the car. although I usually park out in the south forty anyway so it’s easier to find. Jan, on the other hand, would park on the sidewalk by the front door if they allowed it.
Granny Toots obviously earned her name specializing in the musical fruit. Free gas or free mishegass, I can always count on you.
Now back to my invisible sculpture…oh, that’s already been done.
Shalom,
Snookie LaRue W(T)F
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Dear Snookie LaRue W(T)F,
There have been times when I’ve had a good parking spot and forced to wait 30 minutes before leaving because some lazy idiot wanted my spot. He wouldn’t give up until there were 10 cars behind him. After he finally drove on, I let the second in line have my space. I’m gracious that way, you know.
I think Granny is planning a special Passover meal. I’ll have her put your name on the reservations list.
Cheers,
Greasy Bill Weatherspoon
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😜🤣🤪
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If you don’t like beans, we can always do you some beans. Sounds interesting.
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In the spring, you can order Poke Salad as a side dish with your beens. Makes the gas premium grade.
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I love your humor! hehehehe And oh yes, I do tend to forget where I left my car!
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(Blushing) Thanks for stopping by and your kind words. Hope you find the car.
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LOL! I haven’t had a car in years. But when I did, I was always losing it in the parking lots. One time I had to ask the attendant to help me find it. Turns out it was in the parking area on the other side of the street. No doubt my car was laughing! 😀
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Confession is good for the soul. Those darn cars have a warped sense of humor. I canceled a car wash appointment just to teach mine a lesson.
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Hiya Russell!
Lovely to find you amongst the squares. I chuckled about the car laughing between the giant SUVs – I swear they do that on purpose. I so hate when I “lose” my car…
Beans, beans, the musical fruit; the more you eat the more you toot! Guess it’s a small price to pay for free gas…
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Dear Dale,
It appears automobiles love to play hide-n-seek. Whenever possible, I try to sneak up on mine from behind. Never works. Darn rearview mirrors.
I hear they’re adding broccoli and cabbage to the menu too.
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Who knew? Right…. buggers!!
Hahahahaha!!
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Both dishes sound good to me, but that last line made me LOL.
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Cute story with a great punchline, Russell.
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