Ozark Snotmouth

I ‘m known to have a strong stomach, but this week’s photo made me GAG!  Now, I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear this disgusting image has burned itself into my brain cell (singular). When I was child nightmares of snakes often plagued my sleep.  Just when I thought I’d put that chapter behind me—BAM!  Now, I have to write about it.  Oh well, the doctor says it’s good therapy.
To read more stories, go to   http://madison-woods.com/  click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.

Ozark Snotmouth


I hate snakes. All five kinds—large, small, dead, alive, and rubber.

As a rural farm boy, I was unfortunate enough to experience dozens of unexpected encounters with these cold-blooded vermin. From March to November they sensed my every move, engaging in a horrible conspiracy to torment and terrorize me—often generating unsightly stains in my underpants.

The most horrific of all these despicable, slimy creatures is the Ozark Snotnose. This snake does not have fangs, but smothers its victim in a disgusting drool the consistency of rubber cement.

There is no anti-venom. Your only defense is tall boots and Kleenex.
Advertisements

14 Comments on “Ozark Snotmouth

  1. Dear Russell,I've never run across the snake you describe. Kept many as pets growing up. (allergic to furry things so I fed all sorts to my snakes) Part of my survival kit for reading your stories is tall boots so I'm halfway there. As there are no snakes in Hawaii I think I'll hold off on the Kleenex.Another fine piece of humor, skid marks and all.Aloha,Doughttp://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/mcmurdo-countdown-objects-in-mirror/

    Like

  2. I found the thought of snakes anticipating my movements almost as equally horrifying as being drowned in this dreadful goo! Good one Russell. I'll skip breakfast…

    Like

  3. I like the way you turned the photo upside down — it really does look like a snotmouth! Have to say, Russell, I never would have pegged you for someone afraid of snakes. Is that fiction? :)–Janhttp://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/flashfriday-fictioneers-devolution/

    Like

  4. I admit, I looked up Ozark Snotmouth on Wikipedia. Wikipedia does not have an article. Perhaps I will create one-and use this story as my source!I too liked the line about hating all sorts of snakes, including rubber ones.

    Like

  5. Hahahaha! Even though the pic was nasty and made you gag, you sure came up with a good story! I hope the therapy worked and now you can rest easy for the rest of your nights 😉

    Like

  6. Loved the story.I have a pet snake that got loose and ran into another snake that hissed at mine. He was obviously anti my snake.Would that make him an anti-hissedamine?If so, I think he would be a good defense snake against the Snotmouth in addition to high boots and Kleenex.Let me know if interested, and I will start studding him – though not personally. Randy

    Like

  7. I'm late commenting, but I loved the twisted perception that led to this morsel. (Just thought I'd throw in a food reference to see if you'd gag again. Did it work?) Nice mix of the realistic and the preposterous.

    Like

I'd love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Mandie Hines Author

Horror, Psychological Thrillers, Flash Fiction, and Poetry

The Phantom Rem

Stories From Within

Lorna's Voice

Finding ways to make words sparkle

The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose

This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.

Sharing sarcasm, snark, and satire with the world...

Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

ParkInkSpot

I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.

TheDustSeason

All the Blogging That's Fit To Print

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Dimitris Melicertes

I don't write, I touch without touching.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

Linda Vernon Humor

Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind

TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!

Lori Ericson, Author

An author's perspective of mystery and more.

The Best Things in Life

And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.

%d bloggers like this: