Does this decanter make me look fat?

If restaurant table condiments could talk, what tales they would tell. Secrets of illicit lovers, confessions of criminals on the lam, and horror stories of pranksters who leave the salt lid unscrewed for the next diner. This week’s episode features a 100 word rant by someone who’s a little self-centered. You might even say she’s ‘sweet’ on herself.

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for  a great photo full of endless possibilities.

To read more stories, go to   her blog, and find links to other authors under the comments section.

Does this decanter make me look fat?

Back in the old days it was just me, S & P, and maybe a bottle of Heinz. The kind that was so thick it couldn’t be pounded out with a jackhammer—and remember the song, “Anticipation?” I laughed my pour hole off.

Then people got weight conscious and some smarty-pants scientists invented artificial sweeteners. Now they park their little pink, yellow, and blue packets right on the table next to us. It’s insulting.

Try calling your lover Nutra-sweetie, or say their kisses are Splendalicious—see how far that gets you!

I’m from Hawaii and 100% natural. Kiss me, Sugar.


29 Comments on “Does this decanter make me look fat?

  1. Dear Russell,

    You are 100% No Ka Oi! Another winner from you. (And here I thought to compete with you this week. Dang. Back to the drama board.)

    Aloha Sugar,



  2. I am traveling in a bus as I read this. And right now I am staring at my laptop and laughing. Wonder what people around are thinking of me!
    Needless to say, awesome work! 🙂


  3. Great story, Russell, and a fantastic voice for the sugar. I can totally ‘see’ her and the building resentment towards those little comedy packets. I bet she’d have something to say about the kids who pour Salt into the sugar shaker as well…

    “laughed my pour hole off” – BRILLIANT!


  4. Oh, Russell….You are such a corker. I will never look at another packet of sweetener again without thinking of you. Thanks for another few chuckles.


  5. What a brilliant and alternative take on the photo prompt – and yet it was so obvious too given the picture. I loved the way you turned it all upside down at the end and yes, it really does make you think – you can’t call someone nutrasweet but we do call them sugar. Well done 🙂


  6. Sorry, but I think “Splendalicious” is an A-One descriptive word–thanks for providing a sweet new addition to my vocabulary.


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Mandie Hines Author

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