Moanin’ after Midnight

Be forewarned, this is a real groaner. Thoughts poured through my pea brain like boulder sized kidney stones passing through a narrow urethra. It took two rolls of paper towels to clean up the perspiration generated by umpteen hours of hard labor giving birth to this ugly baby.

For maximum effect, hold a coffee mug to your lips while reading the story. Photo by Ted Strutz.

To read more stories, visit Rochelle Wisoff-Fields blog, http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ and find links to other authors under the comments section.

P.S. ~ If you’re not a regular Friday Flash Fiction reader, save yourself some confusion and stop before the last line. 

Moanin’ after Midnight

“Son, I say son,” a booming voice sliced through the night like a Daboll Trumpet off the coast of Cape Cod.

“Where’s the flying pigs? The widow’s boy loves them scientific gadgets.”

“We’ve got airplanes, helicopters, and space ships, but no pigs,” said the vendor.

“Then how about a pair of them X-rated glasses?”

“You must mean X-ray glasses, sir. I’m sorry, we only have sunglasses.”

“What am I going to do with you, boy? The sun ain’t even shining. (whispers) Poor kid, a big barn but an empty loft.”

“Check out our clearance rack, sir. Ted Strutz coffee cups.”

 

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27 Comments on “Moanin’ after Midnight

  1. I think it’s cheating to have such a funny intro and then a story besides!! I’m moanin’ and will be in the mornin’, too. Knowing you, I kept my tea cup and all food and drink far from my mouth while reading and a good thing, too.

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    • I remember when you used to bad-mouth Japanese stuff as low quality. Now, we consider it A-1 and chinese as the bottom of the barrel.

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  2. Russell, you’re a gem. But I do believe your intro has a slight edge over your story, only because it caught me totally off guard.

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  3. Ya birthed a good one here, Russell. It was worth all your pain and suffering, at least for us. It’s always nice to count on your posts for a snort. 🙂

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  4. I kept safely away from the hot drinks while reading this too, Russell. We know you too well! Great characterisation through voice – big barn but a empty loft is my new favourite phrase, but I’m not sure I’d ever get away with saying it in an English accent!

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  5. I may not be a regular FF reader, but I still got a great chuckle since I know Ted. I could picture it very well in my head once I had a name to go with the voice. Giggle…chuckle… snort!

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  6. Ha, yes humor indeed. And I sincerely hope no one had a cup of coffee to their lips. Personally I’m wearing shades to protect me. 😉

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  7. Dear Russell,

    You pickin’ on Ted while he’s a long way off?

    Great story for us all. I could hear Foghorn Leghorn’s voice booming through the night. Worst nightmare for the kid behind the counter. I’m going to get me a pair o’them specs, too.

    Glad I don’t drink coffee.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    P.S. Thanks for your comments on mine. (And for switching to WordPress!)

    Like

  8. Russel you are a master of humor. I am sure for someone looking for flying pigs and x-rated glasses, Ted Strutz coffee cups are just the right choice.
    Looking forward to Ted’s response!

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  9. X-rated glasses? Wonder what they show. Okay, I’ll take a couple dozen pairs, son, I say a couple dozen pairs!

    But I don’t understand the Ted Strutz line. Never mind, I’ll buy out the clearance rack too …

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  10. Hi Russell: I wish I had not read your intro. about kidney stones. Did not need to be reminded for I’ve had 3 of those painful buggers. Before all the junk from China, it was Japan. Now the junk from Japan are collectibles. Go figure. Thank you for your thoughtful comments on mine.

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  11. I’m with the kid–I’m lovin’ the idea of scientific flying pigs, and empty lofts or no, you can’t buy either one of us off with a cheesy Ted Strutz clearance coffee cup.

    Like

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