Walmartian Tour, 2012

When I was in high school, my buddy’s father ran the bus station in Fayetteville. I would intentionally refer to it as Jefferson Lanes just to piss him off.  “Lines, damn it!  It’s Lines, not Lanes,” he would scream. Sometimes his dad would pay us $5 each to clean the inside of an empty bus.  You could buy a half-case of beer and a cheeseburger with that kind of money back then.

Thanks to  Ron Pruitt for week’s photo and the personal flashback to the ‘good ol’ days.’ To read more stories, go to   http://madison-woods.com/  click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.

Walmartian Tour, 2012

 

Their bags are packed and tucked safely in the storage compartment. His and hers spandex tights, pink stilettos, size forty-two thong underwear, weed-whacker shredded T-shirts, leopard print Cougar-wear, and two large bins of hair color, styling gel, and assorted make-up.

“A quarter of a million people applied for this year’s team,” said Bob Grossman, talent coordinator. “The competition was extremely stiff. It’s not enough just to dress tacky or obscene. Bad taste and poor judgment comes naturally to some people, but sinking to this level requires hard work and dedication.”

“We appreciate the Friday Fictioneers promoting the tour,” said Grossman.

**I’ll be hiding in a cabin in Booger County for a few days starting at noon on Friday, with no access to a computer, but will respond to comments when I return next week.
Advertisements

30 Comments on “Walmartian Tour, 2012

  1. Well, if you’re not going to reply till next week then that’s when I’ll comment. OK, maybe I’ll forget by next week so I’ll just say that the people of Walmart take an awful lot of abuse. And still they shop there. Just one question. Do they really make size 42 thong underwear? That’s just gross.

    Like

    • I never shopped for size 42 thong, but I’m going there this afternoon and will check. Is there a particular color you are interested in?

      Like

      • ooh, you guys are gross… or is it grossman? er, grossmen. Randy

        great fun piece! Will you be posting the walmartian tour pictures when you all get back?

        Like

      • Come to think of it, Randy would have made a better first name than Bob. Do you think I should change it?

        Like

      • No, Bob is good. I like the fact that you can say Bob and spell Bob the same forwards or backwards. Can’t do that with Randy.

        Now as far as Wal-Mart, I like to shop there but politically I would not want to be associated with them, so please no Randy Grossman of Wal-Mart.

        Now, will you be posting pictures of your trip or not?
        I think many of your readers are looking forward to see who’s filling out that 42 inch thing, er thong.

        I will be looking the other way when you do, sitting with Rochelle, poking my eyes out.

        Just another bozo on the bus, Randy

        Like

  2. TMI, Paul and Russell. Please do NOT report. I don’t think I can stand it. 🙂 And Booger County–really? I hope that was just a continuation of the humor in your story. Paul, people shop at Walmart because that’s where a lot of people can afford to shop, especially in this economy. I always hear the complaint that nothing there is made in the US. This is also true of high-end stores of all kinds; you just pay a lot more for Made in China. I read a fascinating book called “A Year Without ‘Made in China'”. Easy to read and worth the time.

    “His and hers spandex tights”–also pretty creepy.

    Like

    • Madison County is affectionately refered to Booger County by most residents of Northwest Arkansas. This story is not a knock on Walmart, or the people who shop there (myself included). This is my attempt to create a back-story for all those “People of Walmart” emails and YouTube video on the subject.

      How many of you noticed the heading on the bus?

      Like

      • count me. i saw that and wondered if i had missed it in the previous posts i had read. i think walmart gets a bad rap. i dunno. i like the prices, and the quality is good, often same brands you find elsewhere for more. however, i prefer mom and pop stores – when possible. helps smalltown america keep going.

        Like

  3. I think the size 42 thong takes the cake for most amusingly creepy item listed. Great post! I was just starting to read your last post when I came across your large, extra creepy spider, so I came back to the Walmart safety of this one.

    Like

  4. Just the name Bob Grossman made this story for me, though my Walmart references are limited from where I live. Thanks for sharing

    Like

  5. Hi Russell,
    You can run, but you can’t hide. The Walmartians will find you and get you for this. Alice Walton herself will probably strangle you with a diamond-lined granny panty. But very funny take on the photo. Enjoyed your reminiscence on the old bus station on South School. I caught the bus there and rode it to Key West. Ron

    Like

  6. Hope you’re enjoying your retreat, Russell. We’ll all be waiting for you when you return. So far a few have asked that you be moved to the back of the bus. I’ll just keep you joy buzzer in the glove compartment. There always seems to be at least one in every crowd…glad you’re in ours.
    Funny story, but I’ve had all the tours of Walmart I ever need. As for the size 42 thong, I want to shove an ice pick into my mind to expunge the image of what the person wearing it might look like.

    Like

    • Please dont fall on your sword, Rochelle. Think happy thoughts and hum the Jeopardy theme to take your mind off the visual image. We need you to keep the rest of us (especially me) in line.

      Like

  7. That thong is just going to stick in my mind far tooooo long! (not intended to rhyme!)

    I’ve probably missed some of the other references due to being a Brit. 😉 We do have Asda , though – same thing but on a smaller scale, right?

    Like

  8. You’ve done it again, Russell. The images you put into our heads are truly terrifying – how do you sleep at night?! And for my 2cents, yes, Randy Grossman would be (even) better.

    Like

  9. “hiding” in a cabin? maybe you should talk to my friend in the witness protection program. won’t be easy to hide with all that hair gel and tights and such. nice job.

    Like

  10. I see you planned and packed well for your stay at Booger cabin. But Size 42 thongs… underwear??? Men your age wear thongs? Did you pack your Whoopie Cushion as well? Btw, nice tribute to FF.

    Like

  11. If the Friday Fictioneers were sponsoring the contest, why weren’t the regulars notified? We must have some qualifiers among our ranks (I, for one, have stocked up on the hair gel and spandex tights–they’ll have to do in place of the thong–there’s a limit as to how far a person will go to win all those nifty prizes listed above).

    Like

I'd love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Mandie Hines Author

Horror, Psychological Thrillers, Flash Fiction, and Poetry

The Phantom Rem

Stories From Within

Lorna's Voice

Finding ways to make words sparkle

The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose

This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.

Sharing sarcasm, snark, and satire with the world...

Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

ParkInkSpot

I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.

TheDustSeason

All the Blogging That's Fit To Print

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Dimitris Melicertes

I don't write, I touch without touching.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

Linda Vernon Humor

Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind

TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!

Lori Ericson, Author

An author's perspective of mystery and more.

The Best Things in Life

And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.

%d bloggers like this: