Have you ever had an embarrassing medical problem that made you want to get on the internet and share it with the entire world? Me neither. But thousands of people do each and every day. I’m told that’s what Facebook is for—a place to share your pain and sorrow with others to help them avoid having to suffer through the same experience.
I bet people in Iceland are quite appreciative of photos of sunburned privates and the folks in China can’t wait to hear the details of your colonoscopy. In today’s story, a brave country farmer drops his drawers and bares the truth for the benefit of all you faithful readers.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fictions, don’t get squeamish in the examining room. Our chief physician, Dr. P. Jewels Wisoff-Fields, has cured folks with worse problems than yours. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. After which, scroll down to the blue In links critter and follow the links to other author’s blogs
“What seems to be the problem?”
“I got a bad case of planter’s warts, Doc.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“My wife and I bought this new fangled farm machine. The catalog said it would plant fifty acres a day. I’ve been riding it from sun-up to sundown for a month.”
“Where are these warts?”
“On my bee-hind. It hurts to sit down, and they itch something awful.”
“Pull you pants down and bend over that table. I’ll have look. Those aren’t plantar warts. They’re hemorrhoids, Mister . . . .”
“Fingers, Wallace Fingers, but everybody calls me Stinky.”
* * *
Great news! Dave Barry is coming to the Fayetteville Public Library tonight. It’s not often we have a great writer, particularly one of America’s premier humorist, visit NW Arkansas. I’m excited about going to see him, and hopefully some of his talent will rub off on me!
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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