Welcome to the Rachel Crofton bus tour for the highly medicated. If you’ve ever taught a teenager to drive, you know the harrowing experiences that happen when riding with someone who has a wandering eye and an anvil for a right foot—in this case, Rachel’s daughter, Regina.
Your choices are;
a.) Keep your eyes clamped shut and a death grip on the “Oh Shit!” handle
b.) Take a fistful of sedatives 20 minutes before entering the vehicle
Today’s story is an excerpt from Rachel’s previously published essay, “Dodging Miss Daisy.” For those medicated enough to read the entire story, it can be found here.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the lady responsible for keeping our bus between the ditches is the ever capable Alice Kramden Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF author seating chart click here.
. . . And away we go!
Training starts with basic left-knee steering, then more complicated maneuvers are added as the student gains confidence in hands-free operation of the vehicle.
To graduate, attendees must be able to safely navigate the freeway at seventy-miles-per-hour, simultaneously text their best friend with one hand, apply mascara with the other, and scream at unruly children in the back seat.
Upon completion, the girls receive a “Beauty of the Boulevard” ankle bracelet and a gift certificate for Maybelline products.
I couldn’t be prouder of that girl, but there’s no way I’m getting in a car with her behind the wheel.