Double Indemnity

I’ve often wondered how often palace guards have to do anything other stand perfectly still in their freshly pressed uniforms and superbly polished boots. What happens if their crotch itches? Do they allow them to wear iPods these days?

Once Connie wins the lottery, I’ll see if she’ll let me hire two or three of these guards to post on the front porch to keep the riffraff out.  Hopefully, they’ll still let me in, especially if I promise to let them scratch when the urge hits ’em.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Queen Mother of the band of vagabonds is the illustrious Elizabeth “Maiden of Missouri” Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view FFF author leader board click here.

Copyright Managua Gunn
Copyright Managua Gunn

Phillip was nervous about the new job. It was a highly visible position, though most passers-by saw only the uniform, not the person.

His benefactors promised safety and security, but that was BS (before surgery). When Phyllis Stanton testified before the Grand Jury, death threats arrived daily. They promised to track her to the ends of the earth.

A female tourist came by three days in a row, each time stopping to study Phillip and take photos from different angles. Sweat poured from under his helmet. What if the witness protection program failed?

She leaned forward and whispered in a deep, bass voice, “You’re kinda cute. I think we had the same doctor.”

33 Comments on “Double Indemnity

  1. Now THAT’S original! Toooo funny! That ending is KILLER!
    BTW, the Spelling of The Queen’s name is actually “Made In Missouri” She changed it later, I think …


    • That makes me feel better, Kent. I thought it was more weird than funny.
      Thanks for the correction on the Queen’s name. I’m sure she’ll be pleased that you caught that. 🙂


      • The queen is reading and she is not pleased. To the back of the bus knaves. Leave your joy buzzers at the front.



  2. Well, this is another fine mess you’ve got someone into Russell 😀 Love your funny twisted mind my friend.


  3. That puts a whole new twist on the witness protection program. However, I think they already pay for this in San Francisco if you work for the city so perhaps they could expand into the witness protection racket…I mean, business.



  4. There’s no end to the lengths the witness protection programme will go to. Out of the box thinking Russell. Again. 🙂


  5. Dear Phyllis…er Phillip,

    Be sure to keep your stockings straight and your makeup from glistening. Witness protection program? That explains a lot.


    The maiden from Missouri


  6. Nice. 🙂 I think the witnessed protection program screwed him over though. I’d vote for a cabin in the woods over sweating in the hot sun.


  7. So the photo on my small screen and didn’t pick up on the fact the guard was a woman. Your story and Sandra’s made me liook closer!! That’s what I get for working without the aid of a real screen!! I enjoyed yours – subtle but a good surprise ending.


  8. Dear Russell,

    here I am fresh from reading ‘Bogey..” and let me tell you that Double Indemnity is one of your best ever. You are a deft word surgeon. Loved the last line. A real fine piece of work.




  9. Haha Russell. I agree with Doug. You are a piece of work! Witness Protection Program eh? I only hope Phil(lis) will be able his buttons and bows straight.


  10. Brilliant take Russell, just great. Your humour always does the trick. Still smiling. Well done


  11. completely unexpected. ^^ great unique story. i bet Phyllis.. um Phillip wishes he never testified. ^^


  12. I love this story! You have a wonderful way of expressing those uniquely creative thoughts floating around in your head. I look forward to more! 😀


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Mandie Hines Author

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