Stain-Glass Flipper

This week I’m writing from Westwood Villiage near the UCLA campus. Before we return home, I plan to do some serious research on the effect of Arkansans (Arkansawers to those of you in the know) on the native population. One thing we discovered right off the bat was  no one here knows where anything is located. Ask them for directions and they get this blank look on their face like you asked them to explain quantum physics to a sock monkey (any resemblance between me and a sock monkey is purely coincidental).

Another interesting fact we discovered is that their squirrels are overly sensitive. Having some free time this morning, we decided to tour the Mildred E. Mathias Botanical Garden. There were signs all over the garden warning us not to TEASE the squirrels. Evidently, the tree rodents here wear their feelings on their fur and get all bent out of shape if you make comments like, “Your mother mates with armadillos, or, Why did the chicken cross the road? (answer) To show the squirrel it could be done.” I think a psychiatrist could do quite well here just catering to LA squirrels with self-esteem issues.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Headmistress of our College of Creativity is Madam Agatha Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness visit her site for complete instructions. To read 100 word stories by other authors click here.

copyright - Jean L. Hays
copyright – Jean L. Hays

Art began developing his reputation as a trouble-maker early on. In pre-school he would cut class to hang out with sharks, killer whales, and jelly fish.

When a YouTube video of him ripping a two-piece swim suit off an eighty-year-old woman went viral, Poseidon had had enough. He assigned the famous marine psychologist, The Incredible Mr. Limpet, to rehabilitate the rogue dolphin. Electric eel shock therapy failed and the crimes became worse.

A juvenile judge predicted, “Art, someday you’ll hang.”

After serving two years in a gift shop storeroom, Art found himself suspended over a kitchen window, dangling from a rope.

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34 thoughts on “Stain-Glass Flipper

  1. Very clever Russell. I didn’t see that one coming even though I was looking at Art. While you’re in LA, you should pop into UCLA and volunteer to have your brain scanned. The way you think will very likely prompt this reaction: “I’ve never seen anything like this before!”

  2. That’s a great way to take this prompt 100% literally. That would be hard for a dolphin, to always be right over the water and not actually touch it (of course, maybe a glass dolphin doesn’t notice as much).

  3. so he’s a “hanging judge” then? sometimes you have to throw the book at those troublemakers. well done, and it forced me to read it twice, which is a good thing because it means there’s a lot going on. and, i was a big fan of Mr. Limpet. and also “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.”

  4. How you managed to get Don Knotts, Poseidon, and Mildred E. Mathias in the same post I’ll never know. True, Mildred E. Mathias was often known to be living with Poseidon, but Don Knotts? Mr. Limpet? Barney Fife? A viral video with an 80 year old woman who had previously rejected you and me? There’s something for everyone in this post. Cool, Russell!

  5. Dear Art,

    So the moral to this tale is if you don’t behave you’ll end up as a piece of Art. Or something like that. You do have a way of taking as story line and standing it on it’s left shoulder. Funny stuff as always. Hope the trip to UCLA has been a good one and the outcome has been positive. I’ve been to CA and the squirrels are quite sensitive. Take care.

    Merry Christmas and Shalom,

    Aggie (as I’m known to my friends 😉 )

  6. Oh Russell, I knew I shouldn’t have read this story in my current condition (severe Asthma). I’m laughing – coughing – wheezing and reaching for my Ventolin puffer. Would not miss one of your stories though…not ever 😀

  7. All I can say is the hilarity in this tale – spanning myth, ridiculous films and You Tube is pretty amazing. I won’t say you’ve out done your self, but I certainly had to undo some buttons, as I was laughing so hard I thought I would split my seams!

  8. “You spin me right round baby right round, like a record baby, right round round round!” Mash up, collage… just wonderful! I must have watched Mr. Limpet a hundred times as a kid…. Poor Art, just a free spirit, but hang he did.

  9. Ha! Mr. Limpet! I haven’t thought of that great old movie in years. Let this be a lesson to anyone who doesn’t stay in school. Loved this will all the varied characters and references. I got a great laugh out it.

  10. You’ve done it again. I’d kinda like to know the result of your brain scan, too. I’m sure CA is better after having you visit. Maybe you should bring some of those squirrels home with you, they deserve a chance at a real life.

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