Thank you for stopping by. I have been telling you for a couple of weeks the day would come when I would post a couple of rough-draft cover options for my book.
Well today, in the presence of God and all who surf the world wide web, that prophesy has come true.
Before you pass judgment on the graphics, please take a few minutes and review the evidence. The 5 exhibits below are brief excerpts from the 28 short stories and essays contained in the book. Without further adieu, here they are.
The schedule said we were to play the Giants, but I had no idea they meant that literally. My confidence began to wilt. The adrenaline crawled out of my veins and went scampering down a yellow streak that had once been my spine.
On the first offensive series, I tried my best to “get in the way” of the 340 pound behemoth that loomed across from me. None of my tactics worked. My opponent looked like he had just escaped from a maximum security prison and had the attitude of an angry moose. He didn’t go around obstacles—he went through them. After the first three plays, I was more trampled than the grapes of wrath. ~ from What to Wear? What to Wear?
After reviewing his license and registration, the officer asked, “Sir, have you been Thinking?”
“No,” replied David, rather indignantly.
“Then you won’t mind taking a brain-wave field sobriety test,” said the officer. He plucked a gadget about the size of an iPhone from his shirt pocket, clamped the positive lead to David’s left ear and the negative to his right. David stared at the visor and tried to clear his mind.
“Uh-huh,” said the officer, after clicking the ‘save’ icon. “Step out of the car, please.”
The next thing David knew he was being fingerprinted and booked for DWT (driving while thinking). . ~ from The Perils of Heavy Thinking
All my years of being an underachiever were about to pay off. I let my mediocrity shine at every available opportunity. How could they not notice me? Here I was, right under their noses, stretching two hours of work into four.
Then one day my big break came. I was promoted to department supervisor and challenged to increase production by ten percent. This should have been easy, since there would be a natural gain just by removing me from the workforce. ~ from Dreams of Mediocrity
One of my favorite things about peeves is that you can have as many as you want. In fact, I have an entire kennel of them. Peeves love attention and like to come out for a playful romp at every available opportunity. Like other pets, regular exercise is essential in keeping them healthy and happy.
Hurry Up and Wait is one of my favorites. She likes to sit on the counter while I fix my hair and apply make-up. In the other room, my husband, Brad, is pacing like a lion who just had its kill taken away by a pack of hyenas. ~ from Peeves I Like to Pet
They start with basic left knee steering, then add more complicated maneuvers as the student becomes comfortable and gains confidence in hands-free operation of the vehicle. To graduate, attendees must be able to safely navigate the freeway at seventy-miles-per-hour, simultaneously text their best friend with one hand, apply mascara with the other, and scream at unruly children in the back seat. Upon completion, the girls receive a Beauty of the Boulevard ankle bracelet and a gift certificate for Maybelline eye-care products.
I couldn’t be prouder of that girl, but there’s no way I’m getting in a car with her behind the wheel. ~ from Dodging Miss Daisy