Mutton, Honie

Those of you in the same age bracket as Perry Block probably remember Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop. For those under age thirty-nine—No, it wasn’t a cooking show (although some considered Shari to be quite a dish). Shari, whose real name was Sonia Phyllis Hurwitz, was a ventriloquist and puppeteer. Here’s a photo for future reference.

Shari Lewis with Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse
Shari Lewis with Lamb Chop & Charlie Horse

This weekend, Ozark Writers League will hold a quarterly meeting in Branson, MO. The Pennells are car-pooling with me and Connie and Kim has gleefully referred to this expedition as a “road trip.” It should be a blast. I’ve even promised to leave my blue hair-dye at home and stop acting my age.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the shepherd responsible for minding the flock and rounding up strays is Heidi Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Sandra Crook
copyright – Sandra Crook

Horace was worried. After two years of begging, the network had finally agreed to let him create and host a reality TV show. Unfortunately, the guidelines and limitations they imposed infringed upon his vision of scantily clad sorority girls pummeling each other with feather pillows. A popular ex-president had even volunteered to co-star in the opening episode to give the series credibility.

Now, Animal Planet had taken over his idea and supplied a cast that could not speak English and were unwilling to follow simple direction. Monumental failure loomed on the horizon.

Who, in their right mind, would watch EweTube?

37 Comments on “Mutton, Honie

  1. Are you kidding? It’s the most popular program in the Scottish Highlands. Ewwwwwwwe.


  2. Terrific piece, except for the puzzling comment about Perry Block, who thinks Shari Lewis should never have broken up with Dean Martin since Perry’s grandfather speaks so glowingly of their films together. Since the initial concept was sorority girls pummeling each other with feather pillows, I’m a bit worried about what the cast members on Ewe Tube are going to be doing. Perry has also heard about a particular vignette in a movie his great grandfather thought was funny, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex” made by some guy named Woody Allen, which might be applicable here.

    And folks, don’t forget to read “The Perils of Heavy Thinking” available wherever fine books are sold. It really is great. And I get a commission.


    • Yes, I remember that scene with Gene Wilder in the hotel room and the sheep wearing garters and fishnet hose. Thanks for the book plug, Perry.


  3. Actually Shari Lewis experienced a resurgence in popularity when her show Lamb Chop’s Play Along debuted on PBS in 1992. The year my youngest son was born. We fell in love with her then. I still sing “This is the Song that Doesn’t End” from time to time.


    • Thanks for adding this, Dawn. I’d forgotten about the song. Now, it’ll be stuck in my head all weekend 🙂


  4. Russell, Another funny piece. Actually if Animal Planet takes over it may stand a chance. Animals can get away with almost anything. They’re not supposed to be able to reason things out and/or plan ahead. However, anyone who’s owned a pet will have serious doubts about that. I remember way back before Shari Lewis. 🙂 —Susan


  5. Ewe are so, so punny. And I like that you know the correct way to spell Honie. Lamb Chops Play Along was a standard around our house when out kids were little. Oh, but the song that never ends! Yes, it goes on and on my friends. Great story, Russell.


  6. I adored Lamb Chop so much when I was a kid, I suffered a crisis whenever we had them for dinner. Considering how popular goats are on YouTube, I am sure that there’s plenty for room for a site completely devoted to a flock of barnyard animals, Russell.


  7. Dear Russell, You really made me laugh with your story and I do remember Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop – I thought she was terrific. Your story is too and very clever as always! I hope you all have fun in Branson this weekend. We’re going there for a family reunion at the end of June. Tell Connie Hi! Nan 🙂


  8. Dear Horace,

    If you wiggle dum silly dow hoe dum dily…yeah, I loved Shari and Lambchop. She certainly softened the blow of Howdy Doody’s absence on Saturday mornings.
    Ewe tube? Don’t that bleat everything?
    I’ll miss everyone this weekend. 😦
    Busy time of year for cake decorators. BTW…reserve a copy of your book for me. I’ll look forward to my own autographed copy in June. 😉




  9. Ewe-tube! Now that’s a channel to bleat about. Will it have a cooking show by Mary? For we all know she had a little lamb. Is that a lamb-orghini in the picture?


    • Rumor has it, Mary served garlic mashed potatoes and mint jelly with her lamb. I assume red wine was the proper choice as well.


  10. Puns this early in the morning is way too much for me. I feel as though I’ve been fleeced of my sanity – what little of it is left. Now I’m not sure whether to go back to bed or not…probably not, I’ll have to count sheep to get to sleep. Enjoy the road trip, Russell, I’m sure you’re going to keep them all entertained and laughing their heads off 😀


  11. So perfect! Ewe Tube! And this time I can say I remember Shari and Lamb Chop. I wanted to be Shari and play with Lamb Chop. Thanks for a good read.


  12. … and the hits just keep on coming. Great, Russell.

    BTW, Shari Lewis was one of my favorites. A phenomenal vent and her daughter, Mallory, is SMOKIN’ hot! Although, I’m not sure if she’s as good a vent as her mom was.

    I sure wished I could be at OWL this weekend! All the best, man!


  13. This is so right o. Love it ! Perhaps he’s on to something though, ‘Ewe Tube’? Ewe just never know?! 😉


  14. This is perfect! I’m sure Heidi will enjoy it. Ha ha. I never thought youtube would be such a sensation. People are crazy for it and mindless, like ewe know…those wooly animals.


    • It doesn’t take much to entertain some folks. I think if you had a series based on watching paint peel it would still draw some viewers.


  15. Will there be a EweTube app for the iPhone? Maybe cute little lambs will replace cute little kittens as the internet fave! Just don’t let the Food Network take over the show!


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