Ozark Snotmouth

I have a strong stomach, but this week’s photo made me GAG!  Now, I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear this disgusting image has burned itself into my brain cell (singular). When I was child nightmares of snakes often plagued my sleep.  Just when I thought I’d put that chapter behind me—BAM!  Now, I have to write about it.  Oh well, my shrink says it will be good therapy.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the snake-charmer who summons stories from this basket of serpents, is Medusa Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Madison Woods
copyright – Madison Woods

I hate snakes. All five kinds—large, small, dead, alive, and rubber.

As a farm boy, I was unfortunate enough to experience dozens of unexpected encounters with these cold-blooded vermin. From March to November they sensed my every move, engaging in a horrible conspiracy to torment and terrorize me—often generating unsightly stains in my underpants.

The most horrific of all these despicable, slimy creatures is the Ozark Snotmouth. This snake does not have fangs, but smothers its victim in a disgusting drool the consistency of rubber cement.

There is no anti-venom. The best defense is tall boots and Kleenex.


* reposted from August 2012

27 Comments on “Ozark Snotmouth

  1. Excluding the woodsy vegetation in the background, Russell, if this same central image were put sideways on a plate with toast and next to a mimosa, it could just as well be a messy gourmet brunch to me. And on that note, I’m going to slither away and get my glasses checked.


  2. Russell, Hilarious in a sickening way. 😐 The Ozark Snotmouth must be nonexistant anywhere else and very shy with anyone but local residents, because I’ve never seen one in a zoo snakehouse. Now that you’ve written about it, you may have snake experts crowding in to find one. Madison Wooods commented in Ali’s blog that the photo was a cut grape vine. It still looks sickening. I trust you about the Ozark Snotmouth. That sounds more probable. 🙂 —Susan


  3. So funny! Just the *title* “Ozark Snotmouth” is a winner, in my book. And shoot — that snake wouldn’t have to bite OR smother me. It would just have to gag at my feet and I’d be done for. Bleagh! 😉

    Great response to the prompt! 😀


  4. You always find something crazy to write about, Russell — no matter what the prompt is. I’m with you when it comes to snakes…as far as I’m concerned, there is only one type of snake – a dead one.


  5. Being smothered in goo is more frightening than a sharp bite. Loved your clean description of dirty underpants.


  6. What a name! That was enough to put me off to start with. A picture of the snake would have been appreciated so that we’d all be on guard for it.



  7. Ozark Snotmouth, the name alone is disgusting. I went for snot this week as well. Great job being disgusting! I hope it did you good. I’m going to gag now!


  8. Dear SN,

    There’s no excuse for this disgusting story, if not to make us laugh. I think I remember this the first go around in our blogspot days. 😉


    Medusa (my friends call me Meddie)


  9. I didn’t think anything could be more disgusting than this picture, but then you reference the unsightly stains in your underpants! I too hate snakes, snotwise or not, as well. We can feel comfortable that we are in the heroic company of Indiana Jones who also hates snakes, except for the fact that that’s the ONLY thing we have in common with Indiana Jones. Nice use of very nauseating prompt!


    • Oh, I don’t know. I look pretty good in a fedora and leather jacket, and I hear you are pretty charming with the ladies.


  10. Quite fun! And the weird thing is, I’ve read all the stories up to yours (and will continue as best I can) and I DID dream about this picture last night. Thanks for the smile.


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