What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
S’mores Security Systems
Do you ever have a really great idea pop into your head while you’re busy doing something else? That happened to me earlier this week. It was so brilliant I just knew I could remember it without writing it down—WRONG. I keep hoping and praying it’ll come back to me, but the harder I try the less I remember.
It had something to do with words that are really two separate words crammed together. Here’s a poor example; Playtex. Playtex, as one word, is a brand name for undergarments, but if you break it into two words you can make a sentence such as, “In the school’s western, Bobby portrayed an Indian and John got to play Tex.”
Help me out here. What words can you think of that can be broken into two parts?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the wordsmith in charge of proper diction and grammar is Merriam Webster Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Eva Keebler had been a prison guard during the Great War. Forty years later she became head of security at the family-owned business outside Hollow Tree, Michigan.
“Nothing gets past Ma,” said her son, Ernest, the plant manager. “Competitors once tried tunneling into our factory to steal proprietary cookie formulas.
“Ma heard the mole gnawing his way through our O-SHIT system (Outdoor S’mores Hi-tech Invader Trap). She lifted one of the graham cracker pavers and chopped him to pieces with her hoe.
“Investigators never found the body, but we dropped the Reduced Fat claim on our products for a week or two.”
41 Comments on “S’mores Security Systems”
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What's So Funny? 
Ha ha! Yes, they do look smores, Russell. I love your perspective. No one will tell the difference either about that extra “fat.”
I must write everything down now, too. I never remember. What about “shoehorn”? Can you believe that’s the first word that popped into my mind?
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Shoehorn is definitely made of two words, but I’m struggling to put shoe horn in a sentence–even in redneck vernacular.
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If anyone can do it, you can, Russell. I have faith! 🙂
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Dear Russell,
Another great story. I’ve never had s’mores. Are they salty?
Re your question in the intro, I’d have answered sooner but was having trouble with my ethernet cable. I was so happy to get that sorted that, knucklebrain that I am, I went and got shitfaced at my local bar. Came to in a gutter dressed only in my jockstrap. I heard some people call me a redneck dickhead and all I could think to say was “Spellcheck is not your friend”. Well, it isn’t.
A bit later a policeman showed up and said I’d have to sleep in jail until I was over being poleaxed.
But I can’t think of any words that can be broken into two parts….except maybe for ‘into’ and nine or so others depending on which dictionary you use. Good luck with your search and give my best to Connie.
Aloha,
Doug
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Wow, what a string of double words. You old sub marine captain.
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Russell, Hilarious. 😀 You never know exactly what is in those products with a long shelf life. I also don’t think I want to eat anything Ma’s been walking on. Do inspectors ever get inside that factory? It seems doubtful. Perhaps Ma pays them to look the other way. I can’t depend on my memory these days either. Well written as always. 🙂 —Susan
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If we all read ingredients statements there wouldn’t be much processed foods sold. It’s best just to think happy thoughts and hum the “Jeopardy” theme while scarfing down your elf cookies.
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No reduced fat, but now with extra protein! 🙂
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Absolutely. More protein.
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Dear Ernest,
Chucklehead is a word that comes to mind. In answer to your intro of course. 😉
Wouldn’t you know it? S’mores cupcakes are our cupcake of the month…cupcake…that can be divided into two words. 😀
There’s a reason I’m such an avid label reader. Eva was one tough cookie, eh? And her son was a chip off the old block. I could see they both knew how to stir it up and didn’t knead any help. Okay…I’ve sifted through all my clever comments. But it’s early and I’ve barely had any coffee yet.
Shalom,
Merriam WWF
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Brilliant play on words, Merriam. I knew I could count on you.
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Reading your blog, I am certain that humour is your natural gift. I keep meaning to write a tongue in cheek story like yours, but my “inner author” never seems to lead me in that direction. Instead, I get dragged down some dark alleyway, beaten over the head with a plot line laced with malice and deceit, and finally kicked out into stark reality to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Ah well. Good job by the way!
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Keep after it, Weltchy. You’ll wake up one day and find that tongue firmly planted inside your cheek–and you’ll never be the same, trust me.
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Not even going to try to follow those comments. I love the graham cracker pavers but maybe she should have called in the marshmallow man.
janet
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Ah, the Stay-Puft bouncer. What a great idea, Janet.
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Barbecue. Neat story too – though I had to read other people’s comment to know what s’mores are. Ma is obviously not a person to cross!
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Ma knows how to handle a hoe.
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Wow, I hadn’t seen the s’mores… but now I do! However, I’ve somehow lost my appetite for cookies. 😉
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Thanks for the great photo, Dawn. The first thing I saw was marshmallows and bits of chocolate oozing from the cracks and it sent me hippity hopping down the elf trail.
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Wonderful!
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Gasbag instantly came to my mind, Russell, possibly because a colleague was gassing at me while I was in the middle of bagging tons of discontinued tile samples here at The Grind. Nitwit occurred to me at that time, too.
Your clever s’mores story makes me glad that my go-to Keebler cookies were pecan sandies.
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I’m reminded of that line from Jack and the Beanstalk, “I’ll grind your bones to make my Pecan Sandies” Wait, maybe that was bread. Oh well, either way it adds fiber to your diet.
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Oh, Russell, Russell, this is delightful! and this -O-SHIT system (Outdoor S’mores Hi-tech Invader Trap) -really made me laugh.
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Well, we all have those O-SHIT moments 🙂
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Made me chuckle…
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Good 🙂
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Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
I’ll be following the food labels more closely from now on.
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That’s always a good idea. It’s amazing how many “polys” you’ll find.
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Boy, I see it clearly and it is definately edible and delicious! I mean the landscape, not Ma. I may be interested in installing the O -Shit System in my home, but I fear it may require Mom and her hoe to make it really work and she scares me!. Very funny story and preamble and I’ll work on some compound words when I get a spare hour or two. Thanks,Russell!
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I’m sure you’ll come of with a string of great words, Perry. Ma scares me too.
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Dear Russell, You have outdone yourself (a compound word). I love the s’mores remark. Truly funny. Clever story and Ma is a winner! The O-Shit system is brilliant! Clever guy~!
Nan 🙂
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Wow, two compound words in a row. I’d say you’ve out-done your-self.
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I knew there was a reason I hate graham crackers… I just knew it had to be that secret recipe..
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And regarding compound words.. Swedish is quite weird in that allows the creation of compound words freely.. we have the same problem when people write them apart, and there are internet pages filled with hilarious examples..
for instance a “brunhårig sjuksyster” means a brown hairbruned nurse, but “brun hårig sjuk syster” becomes a brown hairy sick sister… you should learn Swedish and get some real laughs here.
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Those are hilarious, Bjorn. I used to work with a guy from Puerto Rico. He said the hardest thing about English was our expressions like “You ain’t just whistling Dixie.”
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Doug’s right … alcohol gets you nowhere.
I hear that alarm system broke up more good plays than a leaky waterbed.
Hey! A compound word!
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Well done, Kent. You left a clever comment and used a compound word. Five stars!
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It seems like you and Perry were on the same wavelength this week. Both of you are making me hungry now. That last line killed me. Hilarious stuff. 🙂
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Thanks, Dave. Now, go fill that growling stomach.
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That’s the way the cookie crumbles–Russell always wins. Your book arrived the other day! Then I was off to a writing conference. I’d love to help out with your search for compound words, but my brain is numb.
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I’d love to hear more about the writers conference. I try to attend a couple a year.
Thanks for ordering a book. I hope you get a kick out of it.
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