Several years ago, Connie and I volunteered to work an event called “The Art of Wine” at the Walton Arts Center. This is as close as it gets to a red-carpet, Hollywood-style evening in Northwest Arkansas where our most elite (and wealthiest) citizens turn out in droves to be seen in their Sunday best. I had always wanted to attend, but tickets are $150/head (to keep out the riffraff—like me).
The gentlemen dress most dapper and the ladies tend to wear staccato heels and evening gowns which leave little to the imagination. My partner was armed with a walkie-talkie to communicate with the rest of the crew. Many times during the evening we were called to respond to “Code Pink” emergencies indicating possible wardrobe malfunctions. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured, but my partner did suffer from severe eye strain for several days following the event.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our writing sommelier who knows the difference between vintage prose and bathroom graffiti is Juliette Gallo Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Prelude – In this week’s episode Jack Horner takes Goldilocks to dinner at the Fairy Tale Café.
Waiter: Good evening Mr. Horner. We’ve reserved your usual table.
Goldilocks: But J-aack, it’s too dark in the cor-n-er.
Jack: Would you rather sit by the window?
Goldilocks: Nooo. The light from the street’s too ha-r-s-h.
Waiter: Very well. Here’s table near the center of the room. Would you like something to drink, or an appetizer?
Jack: Two cups of tea and some curds and whey.
Goldilocks: J-aack, you know I’m a-ller-gic to gluu-ten. I want fruit sal-ad.
The waiter returns with the appetizers and tea.
Goldilocks: This tea is too h-o-t.
Jack: Put some ice in it.
Goldilocks: I d-i-d. Now, it’s too c-o-ld.
Jack: Will you excuse me? I need to visit the men’s room.
Epilogue – Little Jack Horner escaped through the door in the corner and never was
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