Gone with the Breeze

Tuesday afternoon, while driving across the endless plains known as Kansas, I noticed a sign hanging over the entrance to someone’s driveway. The sign read, “On this spot in 1897 nothing happened.”

I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my cousin, JB Hogan. As President of the Washington County Historical Society, this is the kind of information that makes him salivate like Pavlov’s dog. What followed was a lengthy exchange of emails discussing other places of non-interest where nothing ever happened. I encouraged JB to write a series of articles documenting these historical non-events to share with the world. Look for a three-volume tome to be released by early November, just in time for Christmas.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our curator of historical-fiction is the esteemed Gertrude Himmelfarb Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Phrett! Phrett, where are you going?

I’m going back to Oregon, back where I belong.

Please, please take me with you!

No, Snarlett, I’m through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn’t a damp, foggy, miserable stretch of forest that’s missing a Sasquatch. Do you know what I’m talking about?

No! I only know that I love you.

That’s your misfortune.

Oh, Phrett! Phrett… if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?

Frankly, my dear, I suggest you shear your legs and back and start a Snarlett O’Harry sweater-of-the-month club.

__________________________________________________________

 When I saw this photo I was instantly reminded of the Carol Burnett classic “Went With the Wind.”  My version incorporates the Bigfoot culture that is so popular in America today.

In regards to the sign – “On this spot nothing happened,” rumor has it that a similar one hangs in Perry Block’s bedroom.

 

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41 Comments on “Gone with the Breeze

  1. Ha! This is hilarious. And he’s going to Oregon. I found that very funny, and I love the Sasquatch mention. I can see them knitting on the porch. Great piece, Russell!

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  2. Hilarious, Russell. 😀 Your creative streak really goes off the beaten track. No wonder it runs into the Sasquatch. Well done once again. Poor Perry. He must have bruises on his funny bone by now. 🙂 — Suzanne

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  3. Russell, Russell, Russell. Where do you think up these names for Rochelle? I do so look forward to reading your post every week – we never know what you’ll serve up, but it’s always a treat 🙂

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    • It takes a long to assign a name to our fearless leader as it does to write the intro and the story. If you look up Gertrude Himmelfarb, you’ll find she was a famous historian.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Phrett, Philldeedee, I will think about this tomorrow. I need your help, you handsome womanizing scoundrel! We need new curtains for the windows and Melanie said she would sew them if I provide the green velvet. Find some for me won’t you? I found some more root vegetables and as God is my witness, we will never go hungry again! Snarky Snarlett in the Suburbs

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  5. Dear Phrett,

    Gone with the breeze. What breeze? Oh that breeze. (Yeah, I love Carol Burnett) I’d comment but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a gosh darn. 😉

    Always serious fun to drop by.

    Shalom,

    Gertie

    Like

  6. Russell,
    I love that sign–I’ve driven by it many times. As to the three-volume tome, well, good luck with that as our boys at Roadside Visions seem to have a corner on that market already (but I’ll be sure to pop by and read if the tales of such non-attractions land here on your blog).

    Fun tale this week. Of course a picture of a veranda needs a good spoof, and who better to spoof than Margaret Mitchell.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  7. This one had me laughing out loud, Russell, for all the sheer craziness of it. I love the tale of Phrett and Snarlett. If you ever write the whole epic saga, let me know. 🙂
    -David

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    • I’m glad you liked the Bigfoot version, but 100 words is probably enough. It might lose it’s craziness effect if I took it longer.

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  8. Hilarious. Snarlett might like to be introduced to Howie the Yowie – he hangs out just a bit south of there, and he’s rumoured to be a very fast knitter.

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  9. I love those Carol Burnett skits! And wearing the drapes with the rod still in them. You don’t miss a beat when it comes to picking on Perry! I might have gotten a better grade in history class if there’d been more non-events.

    Like

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