Chicago Cubs baseball Hall of Famer Ernie Banks was famous for saying, “It’s a great day for a ball game; let’s play two.” Another of his less famous quotes is, “You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren’t happy in one place, chances are you won’t be happy anyplace.”
Well, my friends, it’s a great day for writing, so I wrote two. Get a double-dose of nonsense for one low price. Feel free to read one, both, or quit now while you’re still ahead.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the umpire who calls the prompts (without the benefit of instant replay) is Ria Cortesio Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. There’s no place that makes me happier than in the company of the friendly writers behind the blue, InLinkz frog.
——–The Opener ———
A team of French Canadians returned home this week after a three-month stay on the third moon of Venus, known as Holly’s Pimple.
Expedition leader, Jacque Cliché, describes the terrain. “From a distance the surface appears as smooth as a baby’s derriere, but let me assure you, it is as cold and forbidding as a mother-in-law’s heart.
The natives were not the brightest crayons in the box, nor was the food anything to write home about.”
“If I hear one more euphemism, simile, or metaphor,” said team member Vierre OffCourse, “I’ll choke the little booger.
Oh, shit. He’s got me doing it now.”
——– The Nightcap ———
“Let’s go on vacation, you said.
It’ll be fun, you said.
We can save money and stay with your buddy Doug. His place has a breathtaking view, you said.
So, I canceled my Caribbean cruise, spent eight hours wedged like a sardine in a metal tube, fantasizing of sandy beaches, aqua-blue water, Mai Tais with tiny umbrellas, hula dancers, and sexy Polynesian hunks catering to my every whim—and you bring me here?”
“Relax, Dear. Astronomers study all the wonders of heaven from this vantage point.”
“They’ll have a superb view of Uranus after I impale you on the telescope.”
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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