A Genetic Anomaly

Have you ever noticed that when the highway department builds a new street they can’t wait to dig a ditch across it? Last year they added a new, one-mile extension onto the Don Tyson Parkway.  The asphalt barely had time to cool and harden before crews were busy cutting little paths across it at irregular intervals.

There’s no evidence to indicate they were linking natural gas, water, or a subterranean crossing for blind, endangered termites from one side of the street to the other. Rumor has it the road was just too damn smooth and did not contain the required number of bumps, dips, and potholes per mile to satisfy the minimum standards of city code.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Director of Transportation for compact stories is Henrietta Ford Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - C. Hase
copyright – C. Hase

Singh never fit in. Growing up, she was often ostracized by other children because of her physical appearance and unusual grooming habits. The problem grew even worse when she entered puberty.

“Why am I so different?” she asked her mother.

“I met your father while working as a cook for a logging camp in Oregon,” replied Jinghau Lync. “We had a short, but torrid affair. He would not leave the mountains, and I could not stay. His people, the sasquatch, would not accept me.”

“So, that’s how I came to be . . . .”

“Yes, my child. You are Miss Singh Lync.”

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I apologize for not issuing a “groaner warning” in the intro of this week’s post. This story is the result of watching too many episodes of Fractured Fairy Tales and Aesop’s Fables on Bullwinkle & Rocky when I was a child. They’re right–TV really can warp your wind. There’s no telling what kind of stuff my grandchildren will write.

 

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54 thoughts on “A Genetic Anomaly

  1. Ha! We have a lot of sasquatch here in or Pacific Northwest forests. As far as I know, no one has mated with one. Torridly or otherwise. Now I know why. Thanks for providing the missingh link.

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  2. Dear Big Foot,

    I been workin’ on chain gang, goin’ down down…I had to hit my head on my desk three or four times after reading that. Perhaps Miss Lync could take up singing in thunderstomrs..then she’d be Singh in the rain.

    Shalom,

    Henrietta

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  3. Muahahaha. Groan. Chuckle. Loved it. And your roads seem to be like ours. Over here (Germany) they can’t wait until the road is built before they cut something out either. An international conspiracy, I’m telling you. Must be the NSA.

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    1. Yes, I’m sure there’s an international code on the required number of bumps, dips, and holes per mile (or in your case, kilometer). Glad Ms. Lync gave you a groan.

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  4. I think Miss Singh Lync may turn out to be just the woman for me. I love hair that’s braided all the way down the back with bangs that start at the navel. And can you imagine my progeny — Jewish Big Feet? At least that’s something that’s big and Jewish.

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    1. It sounds like a match made in paradise, or at least Philadelphia. I imagine she’s got more chest hair than both of us combined. I’ll let her know you have a foot fetish. That should seal the deal.

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  5. While I agree this was a bit of a groaner, Russell, the humor was well delivered this week. Fun stuff and a unique take on the prompt. Way to write away from the shackles.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

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  6. I’m not sure which idea has my imagination working overtime – Miss Lync’s pain, or you with warped wind from watcning too much TV. (Australian vocab note: wind = gas) However, I loved your story, as usual.

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    1. I regret that they don’t make cartoons today like they did in my childhood. I’ve watch several with my grandchildren and they lack the humor and strong writing that was so predominate fifty to sixty years ago.

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  7. Russell, you’ve outdone yourself. Your humor wandered so far off the beaten path it ended up in Bigfoot territory. I wonder how many brushes Miss Lync uses up in a year. Maybe she could find love in another Bigfoot tribe. She’d probably be accepted a lot better than her mother. They say there’s someone out there for everyone, and she could learn to take pride in her father’s culture. Hilarious, Russell. I laughed out loud. 😀 — Suzanne.

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