What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Deja’vu, All Over Again*
In September of this year, America lost one of the great philosophers of all-time—the irrepressible, and often quoted, Yogi Berra. In honor of his memory, I’ve included a brief list of his more famous “Yogi-isms” in my final post of 2015.
- When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- You’d better cut the pizza in four pieces, I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
- Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
- The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
- You’ve got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the wizard of wit and wisdom who pilots this international raft of writers is “Rockette” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to take a stab at this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
He felt like he’d been pummeled by a herd of reindeer. Halloween to New Year’s was a blur of parties, parades, shopping, and feasts. Aliens had failed to abduct him, world peace was elusive, and even attempts to pick up additional bad habits failed miserably. “Time to get a new bucket,” he sighed.
Lost in a depressive state of holiday lag, he sipped coffee and waited for ‘the next big thing.’
A sunbeam sneaked through the cut glass above the doorway, spraying a rainbow over his wife. “It’s time to get back on our diet,” she said.
“Yeah, I know.”
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*a repeat from December 2012
24 Comments on “Deja’vu, All Over Again*”
Leave a reply to rgayer55 Cancel reply
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Dear Yogi,
Better ditch the pic-a-nic basket. Oh wait. Wrong Yogi. 😉 Of course the diet resolutions are good until February 14 and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Sorry to burst the bubble, but I really didn’t know where I was going until I got there.
Happy New Year…may it be filled with shalom,
Rockette
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Dear Rockette,
Even when I got where I was going I didn’t know where I was.
I’d love to lose 40 lbs., but according to the almanac, the forecast for 2016 predicts a severe shortage of willpower and self-discipline to sweep in around mid-January followed by another blast of failure right after Fat Tuesday.
When I think of all those people who work in breweries and restaurants and depend on guys like me for their living, it would be extremely selfish of me to cut back on calories just to lose a few pounds. I’m a bigger man than that.
Happy New Year,
Yogi
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Dieting resolutions are so cliche. But I am going to try it anyway.
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One year, we started eating smaller portions and counting calories. We lost 20 pounds in 3 months. Unfortunately, we found them and a few more since then.
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I always think tomorrow is a good time to start a diet. Today, of course, is the time for one last binge. Too bad there are always a tomorrow… Happy New Slim Year, Russell.
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I’m glad tomorrow is always one day away.
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I knew a curvaceous blonde who told me she was going to diet.
The next day she was a redhead.
Merry and Happy things, Russell.
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I’m in great shape. Round.
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Nothing worse than starting a diet on New Year’s Day. Set up for failure. I’m with Sandra on this one. Tomorrow is the best day to start a diet. I know that’s when I’m starting. Oh wait. Tomorrow IS the first day of the New Year. Nope.. gonna start in two days… or so…
Happy, happy to you and Connie! xo
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We’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
Best wishes to you and the boys for a happy, health, and safe New Year.
Thanks for being a loyal reader.
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Thank you, Russell! Yes, let’s worry later!
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No diets please, just healthy eating! Round you may be, an entertaining writer you most certainly are. Thanks for your unique take on the world. Happy New Year to you and yours 🙂
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Thanks for the kind words, Dee.
Best wishes to you and your family as well.
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I like his bucket list – he dreams big. I hope he manages to lose his unwanted weight without getting too depressed. A most enjoyable story, Russell.
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The chances of picking up another bad habit are more likely than the weight loss, but we’ll see.
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On the morning after someone has to remind you of your resolution… and the morning after and the next…
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what resolution – Ha! Maybe I should tape a note to the refrigerator.
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as the marines would say, it’s always great when somebody is watching your back. 🙂
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That’s not hardly how Yogi would have said it, but it is nice having someone look out for you.
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Hilarious. I think the only thing I’ve been successful at is not making resolutions anymore. Happy New Year to you and yours, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Me neither. There’s no use making promised to yourself that you can’t keep.
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Tis that time of year (again) when attention turns to wondering why we are taking up more space on the planet (or on the couch) and why our clothes all seem to have shrunk. Mysteries abound at the start of each new year, don’t they? 😉
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Well, I have an answer for you. IT’S A CONSPIRACY!
The clothing manufacturers and in cahoots with the laundry detergent companies. There’s an additive in the soap that makes clothes shrink even while they are hanging in a closet untouched for months. The government knows about it, but are being paid off by Proctor and Gamble.
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Plausible enough to be, well, plausible. 😉
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