The Boomer Brothers

ATT00059

The Boomer Brothers

The story is a tale of redemption for retired Human Resources Manager Flake Boomer (Perry Block) and his brother Deadwoody (Russell Gayer).

After being thrown out of the senior center for cheating at Bingo, Flake is irritated at being picked up by brother Deadwoody in the Boomermobile, a red and white AMC Pacer, instead of the Plymouth Valiant the brothers used to own.

Pacer

The Boomermobile

The brothers visit their childhood haunt, a Jewish delicatessen they grew up stealing bagels from, only to learn it will close unless it pays $1,252.19 to an Amish dairy who is holding their kosher cream cheese hostage until the deli’s delinquent bill is paid.

After visiting a Roman Catholic priest, where Flake confessed to being aroused by his fourth-grade science teacher’s unshaved legs, Deadwoody has an epiphany without even knowing what one is.

The pair decides they must prevent the deli from closing as restitution for all the bagels they stole as children. To do so, they enlist the help of The Hartford adman, “Mad Matt” McCoy and organize a rummage sale to earn the $1,252.19.

MattMcCoy

“Mad Matt” – Rummage Sale Barker

Along the way, they are targeted by a horny male dog, Frank & Mike from American Pickers, and a Cajun Polka band—all while being relentlessly pursued by a band of elderly women wearing yoga pants.

In the end, the brother’s quest falls short by $916.42, but the Amish agree to release the cream cheese if Flake and Deadwoody promise to stop singing Jewish folks songs outside their dairy.

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22 Comments on “The Boomer Brothers

  1. Tried to post a comment with pictures, doesn’t look like it “took.” Will try again in a bit without pictures.

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  2. Hilarious, Russell. Looks like the Boomer Bros. were successful in their quest after all. They remind me of a couple of other guys who had similar problems. When a couple of guys like you and Perry get together we never know what the outcome will be. 😀 — Suzanne

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  3. All I can say is that the two of us were on a mission from GOTT!, and all of it went down exactly as Deadwoody has written except that “the band of elderly women wearing yoga pants” were actually a “band of eagerly women wearing no pants!” (Deadwoody tends to clean things up for our family audience.) The picture above of two old men is not really us either as we both look much younger in person.
    http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/0d/Bluesbros.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20060222190930

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    • Thanks for clearing that up, Perry.
      Obviously, we’re wearing make-up to achieve that old, senile look the producers insisted upon.
      As for the women’s pants, my vision isn’t that good. It was hard to tell if that redhead was wearing leopard-print yoga pants, or if those were just age spots on her legs. Either way, it looked like she hadn’t shaved them since Marlon Brando was a teenager.

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  4. Being chased by elderly ladies wearing yoga pants? That’s like being chased by the hounds of hell…which basically amounts to the same thing.
    Very funny post and loving the new look.

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  5. Dear Deadwoody,

    All I can say is Oy Gevalt! I can see where the American Pickers would want that Pacer. I can see you and Perry dancing the hora singing, “Lai, lai, lai lai, hava ne-Bagel mit a shmear, ain’t it dear, oy, yoy, yoy.”

    Shalom,

    Rukhel Schvester

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    • Dear Rukhel,
      You have a very vivid imagination. In fact, dangerously vivid. Our dance routine could be referred to as Four Left Feet and our singing akin to squawking crows on cough syrup. I’m sure the video will go viral on YouTube.

      Oy, yoy, yoy,
      Deadwoody

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