Stuporman

I’ve never been a big fan of superheroes with the possible exceptions of Underdog and Super Chicken. Generally, I prefer the bumbling anti-hero who strives to avoid conflict, but tends to accidently save the day simply by default.

Such characters consistently fail in areas where they most desire to succeed (i.e., romance, best-selling author, etc.), and have an uncanny knack of always ending up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Trouble follows them like a band of gypsy hemorrhoids, yet they can’t help but crawl out of every sewage hole smelling like a rose.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the cosmetic-wielding Wonder Woman who can teach you to hold successful home parties from the comfort of your own blog is Mary Kay Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to dip your toe in this brave new venture, visit her site and follow the step-by-step instructions. To view the imprisoned souls in FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Marie Gail Stratford
copyright – Marie Gail Stratford

Slower than a sloth wading through molasses!

More powerful than an extra-strength laxative!

Able to leap small bounds in a single building!

Look! In your soup!

It’s a fly! It’s a bug!

It’s Stuporman!

Yes, it’s Stuporman… strange visitor from another planet, who came to Earth with a bad toupee and reasoning abilities far beneath those of a concrete garden gnome!

Stuporman… who can reverse the flow of raw sewage, bend spaghetti noodles with his bare hands, and who, disguised a foul-mouth politician from a great northeastern metropolis, fights a never-ending battle for ignorance, hatred, social injustice, and the extinction of the American Dream!


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Stuporman did not authorize or offer to pay me millions of dollars to post this on my site. He furthermore wishes me to inform you that any resemblance between his character and that of any politician living or dead is strictly a coincidence.

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37 thoughts on “Stuporman

  1. Dear Clark Kant,

    We shall overcomb. I read. I laughed. I cried. I keep hoping to wake up and all this will be a dream from eating pepperoni pizza a at midnight. Obviously you’ve been by my page. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. Swing on my place for substance on your face. 😉

    Shalom,

    Mary Kay

    1. Dear Mary Kay,
      Yes, I thought I’d put a little plug in for your cosmetic business.
      You should have went with sex toys. They practically sell themselves. And you don’t have to put them on your face — unless of course, you want to.

      Got any kryptonite antidote in a roll-on?
      Clark

  2. What’s next? Butt-man and Boy Thunder who meet the monster from Uranus, as it circles like Captain Kirk wiping out the Klingons?

    Five red capes out of five, Russell. 😀

    1. Excellent idea, Kent. And I think you’re just the man to write that story. Be careful though. Uranus has a powerful gravitational pull. Don’t get your head stuck in there.

  3. ha ha. Stuporman only wants to make the central and south American dream extinct with his “wall”. American dreams will be well protected ..although proving that you are American may be a big challenge 😦

    Good one Russell.

    1. The way I perceive his outlook, you’re either filthy rich, or you’re a LOSER. That puts 99% of us in the LOSER category. At least there hasn’t been anyone coming across our southern border trying to blow us up. A few tons of drugs sure, but no suicide bombers.

  4. A fine tribute, Russell. I was watching him being interviewed the other day. He was clearly thinking through his argument as he blabbered, making it up as he went along. Can’t wait for him to be close to the red button.

    1. You mean he actually attempted to engage his brain before opening his mouth??
      I didn’t think that was possible!

      You know, I don’t think France is too high on his list of favorite nations.

  5. Brilliant and terrifying. How has Stuporman managed to get so far? I loved your disclaimer at the end. Good thing you put that in. The laugh out loud line for me: “Able to leap small bounds in a single building!” Very clever.

  6. The scarier thing here is that stuporman actually has followers and so many that it scares the laughter away. Which your story does not, that was hilarious. And you and Rochelle together will kill me one day by letting me choke on my beverage. We shall overcomb indeed.

    1. “Look, up in the air. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a frog.”
      “A frog?”
      “Not bird, or plane, or even a frog. It’s just little ol’ me, Underdog.”

  7. Hilarious, Russell. It’s getting so I listen to the political news for the humor. That’s how bad it’s getting. Who needs “Saturday Night Live”. The real politicians are much funnier. The comedians will really miss some of those guys. 😄 — Suzanne

    1. Will Rogers said, “There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” Without politicians, humorist would have to make up their own jokes.

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