What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Love at the Greasy Spoon
I feel sorry for all those people who put a lot of thought into Christmas shopping. They spend hours, weeks, sometimes months agonizing over which gifts to buy for their loved ones only to get a ho-hum response from the recipient before the item reappears three months later in a garage sale.
My approach is much simpler. Start at the garage sale and work your way back. So what if a wheel is missing on Tommy’s toy truck or Jenny’s doll only has one arm? The kids are going to spend more time playing with the box it came in than the actual toy anyway. And who cares if that decorative pillow has a wine stain on one side? Just pass it off as mode o’ day camo. They’ll love it.
If this is your first visit to the Friday Flash Fiction Flea Market of stories, the proprietress who offers a no-money-back guarantee is Felece’d Ya Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“You want fries with that?”
Still staring at the menu, he pointed to a cream pie photo.
“We got banana, coconut, or chocolate. Which do ya want?”
“Umph,” he grunted.
Working a block from the interstate, Fay had seen his kind before. A big, hairy galoot with bad table manners. His weathered hands made the salt shaker look like a thimble. Definitely not a tipper—this one.
“Banana it is.” She felt his gaze on her back as she went for the pie.
He gulped it down and headed for the door.
“Be careful, Kong. It’s a jungle out there.”
40 Comments on “Love at the Greasy Spoon”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Frugal Elf,
I suspect you found my name at one of those garage sales this week. What else would Kong order from Fay Wray? Banana makes perfect sense. Loved the description of his hands.
Greasy Spoon. Love the term. It put me in mind of a diner (replaced long ago by a liquor store) on Main Street in Mid Town KC. I used to stop there for lunch when I was an art student. Best greasy homemade onion rings ever. With a sugar laden Dr. Pepper. Deep fried Nirvana.
Shalom,
Felece’d Ya
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Dear Felece’d Ya,
There is a little drive-in in Rogers called Susie Q. I bet it’s been there 50 years or longer. I used to work just a short distance away and we would often eat lunch there. Early in the week, their fries were great, but by the end of the week–not so good. They only changed the grease in their fryer once a week and cooked everything (mushrooms, onion rings, fish, etc.) in the same oil. They always had good burgers.
Best wishes to you and yours,
Happy Hanukkah,
The Frugal Elf
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In Scotland a favoured repast is the all-day breakfast, which is how long it takes to find the food wallowing in the grease.
It comprises sausage, bacon, eggs, haggis, black pudding and a tattie scone.
If you get baked beans or mushrooms with it, it counts as a salad.
We call it ‘Hoat Quizeen’ but it is often cold.
Glossary of terms:
Tattie – potato
Hoat – hot
Haggis – manna from heaven!
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I had to look up Haggis. I’d never heard the term sheep pluck before, but it sounds like it contains more organs than a giant cathedral. Sounds tasty.
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“Fay Wray. She’s a good little actress.”
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What can I say? Just Merry Christmas, and stay off the banana pie, I guess.
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Or at least, don’t step on the peels.
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What kind of diner is this anyway? “Shirts and shoes required. It’s the law!” Unless old Kong the King was carrying someone in with a shirt and shoes, they really shouldn’t have served him. What’s next, topless waitresses? (Waitresses not wearing hair nets—sheesh, Russ, it’s Christmas. Try to keep focused). 😉
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You had me at topless waitress, and then I lost my train of thought. Oh, now I remember.
It’s my understanding he was wearing flip-flops and a crop top.
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Ah yes… Banana it is… fun stuff, Frugal!
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Bingo! You win the mode o’day camo decorative pillow. Congratulations, Dale.
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I think the choice is wise… If you feed Kong bananas he won’t go bananas for a waitress.
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I think the waitress has already gone bananas for him.
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Where is this diner? Skull Island? Funny as always! 🙂
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Ah, you’re familiar with the place. They must serve mermaids too.
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What a fun take on the prompt. Once again, thanks for the smile.
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Thanks for stopping in, Alicia. Merry Christmas.
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Uh huh! Good one.
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Thanks, Ted. It’s always a pleasure to see your mug.
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Kong definitely knows this is a dog-eat-dog world. He can stop in Washington D.C. and munch on a few of the “insects” out there. Unfortunately, the last time he tried, he went to Arkansas and ate a razorback to get the nasty taste out of his mouth.
Merry Christmas, Russell, to you and Connie. Have fun!
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I suspect the “insects” in Washington DC would leave your mouth in worse shape than a green persimmon. Although, if the past election is any indication, there’s a pretty good chance Kong could get elected if he ran for Congress. I do believe our country is going ape.
Best wishes to you, Kent. Thanks for your friendship and support.
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You’re entirely welcome, Russell. FF has gotten to be like our own Tonight Show, you know? I think you need to start your own podcast. What say you on that?
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Actually, I had a guy approach me about doing that a couple of months back. I didn’t dive deep enough into it so see what was in it for him, but I doubt he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart.
My concerns were; a: Wouldn’t it have to be done on a regular basis to build and hold an audience?
b: How much of my time would it require (would it cut into my writing time)? c: How beneficial would it be in growing my brand?
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If you are trying to grow your brand, why don’t you feed it the same fartiliser (sic) that you spread on your facial growths?
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Great idea, CE. I’ll give that a try.
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this is hilarious. cool bananas!
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Ready to go Christmas shopping with me, Plaridel?
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Could clearly see it all happening – thanks! Merry Christmas to you and yours 🙂
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You mean the diner scene, or the garage sale Christmas shopping? Either way, Thank you and best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and prosperous New Year.
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Yeah well primarily the diner scene but I also remembered doing the double gift game for my son – first the box and then the toy 😀
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Kong? That conversation doesn’t sound like it’s leading to romance!
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She gets off in about an hour. I suspect they’ll hook up then.
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Nice one. But the next thing you know she will be in the palm of his hand heading for date on the top of a building.
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He’s a charmer, that Kong.
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Great last line!
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Thank you. I was searching for a good closing when that one “Dawn-ed” on me. (I apologize for the bad pun) 🙂
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No problem, you might be surprised to learn you are not the first to say that to me. lol
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I know that Neanderthal, and he is a bad tipper.
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We certainly meet all kinds in your stories, Russell. Fay was a good actress but they also needed a good screamer for that movie. I didn’t catch on at first but then read the last sentence and Rochelle’s comments. Funny as usual. 😀 — Suzanne
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Loved the humour and good writing as always.
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